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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell his gf ?

153 replies

Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:03

Been sleeping with this guy on and off for a year and a bit , yep you guessed it he has a gf ( or maybe a few he gets around ) I feel very angry about how he has treated me and I'm wondering do I tell his gf? She deserves to know what he is , and I suspect she left her husband to start relationship with aforementioned guy. Wibu to tell her?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 17:31

Thanks I needed to hear that jux and lightening girl .. He is the type that drains you anyway ...it's finished I accept it.

OP posts:
lighteningirl · 15/03/2016 17:31

Or maybe you're incessant stalking has driven him to those extremes you need help

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/03/2016 17:38

Well as long as you can put your hand on your heart and say. The reason why you want to tell her is because. She deserves to know and deserves better, and not that you're telling her out of spite. I'm sure we're all agreed. She's not the devil here.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 17:41

I absolutely did not stalk him Shock we would go periods of time without talking .. If I had been like that he wouldn't of kept inviting me to his house... Just saying

OP posts:
CountessNatasha · 15/03/2016 17:42

You sound early 20s not mid 30s, I think you need to work on your self esteem and standards in your relationships.

It's ok to be in a casual relationship if that's what all parties have agreed on but you can't approach a mature, stable relationship in the same way. You can't truly know from Facebook stalking if your "ex" and this woman were exclusive, if she'd blame the OW and if his children like her. It doesn't really matter because this isn't how a good relationship proceeds.

You say you don't want him, he's blocked you so he doesn't want you either. Do yourself a favour and move on.

You do deserve more, not because you're "above average looking" though. Start to respect yourself on a deeper level.

MajesticWhine · 15/03/2016 17:47

No don't tell her. Its not your business. Let them get on with their lives, you get on with yours. Don't give either of them another thought, if possible.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/03/2016 17:52

Thing is though. Majestic. He made it ops business when he started shagging her behind his gf's back.

JanetOfTheApes · 15/03/2016 17:58

He made it ops business when he started shagging her behind his gf's back

OP says she was shagging him, THEN he got with the married girlfriend, THEN he dumped OP. So, no, not at all.

FelicityFunknickle · 15/03/2016 17:58

Good grief.
Get a STI check and move on. Seriously.
In the future you would be advised to not have unprotected sex, especially in a casual relationship.
You owe his gf nothing apart from (possibly) to not fuck her boyfriend.
You might want to consider one of those "Men in Black" memory eraser thingymajigs. Put them put of your mind and stop kidding yourself you give a shit about her.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 18:03

Janet of the apes he did shag me whilst with her !!! I wouldn't be saying owt otherwise!!

OP posts:
JanetOfTheApes · 15/03/2016 18:10

I know, you were not his GF, just a casual sex partner, you said he got with her, gave you a dump shag, then was off. I repeat; you're all as bad as each other.

curren · 15/03/2016 18:12

At any point did he say 'I have broken up with my girlfriend and I want to be exclusive with you?'

Because from the sounds of it, you two were shagging (and you knew he had a girlfriend) he split with girlfriend and started seeing a married woman. She left her husband and now he has dumped you.

So the both cheated and possibly both shagging more than one person.

You have slept with him knowing he has a gf before, so why is this different? Or is it that you feel the tables have been turned and he has treated you how he treated his girlfriend.

Why was it ok when he lied to his last gf and shagged you, but not ok that he lied to you and got another girlfriend.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/03/2016 18:15

What do you want to get out of telling her? Because realistically, it's not that she'd know - you've said yourself that she might already know, and she's not the type to believe you anyway.

From what you've said, you've been available for casual sex with this man whenever he feels like it, and he doesn't stay in touch in when he doesn't want sex. He takes you home for sex when he feels like it and you see that as some kind of indication that he likes you. This has gone on through several girlfriends and now he's found a new one, and called things off with you, you are wounded and lashing out.

It's okay to be hurt. You'll get better at learning how to spot a decent man - if this man is your second partner and your first was emotional abusive, it'll take time.

Block him back so he can't run to you next time he fancies easy sex. Delete the photos and videos, and his number. Stop yourself whenever you catch yourself thinking about him. Move on. Otherwise you are relegating yourself to a life of being the sex toy for an unfaithful man who doesn't even put on a good show.

FelicityFunknickle · 15/03/2016 18:16

Why were you bothered that he blocked your number? You were not a couple. Why would you imagine that you could still be friends after you stopped having sex when your relationship was solely based on sex?
Find a way to get over him. You are wasting your life on this man

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 15/03/2016 19:23

I don't think you should contact her. As pp's have said, none of you come out of this looking good!

Get an STI check and then build a bridge and get over it!

(Love that saying, not sorry)

Moocachoo · 15/03/2016 21:31

I'd leave well alone. You can't be sure of your own unconscious motives in telling her. Keep your integrity and walk away taking any learning for yourself. Sorry he was a schmuck. Better luck next time

flubdub · 15/03/2016 21:43

Tell her. Keep it short, sweet and polite.
She needs to know.
You might get some of the blame, but that's just one of those things.
If you didn't know he had a GF, you didn't do anything wrong.
Tell her and let her deal with it from there.

jlivingstone · 16/03/2016 02:03

It's none of your business.

Stay out of it.

twopinkkittens · 16/03/2016 02:28

Delete all 'proof' and move on. He wouldn't admit it or he will make you look like a nut case who is in love with him still. They won't break up and you'll end up feeling worse off. You won't come out of this smelling of roses if you say anything so I would let him get on with it.

Whats done in the dark comes to light.

Block. Delete. Move on.

Silverine08 · 16/03/2016 02:43

if I were you, I'd think carefully about why you want to tell her and how important it is to you that you do. The sad likelihood is that you may not get any thanks from her and that her BF will be furious with you. It's sad because she should know but is it worth the grief to you?

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 16/03/2016 03:35

I've worked it out listening girl, he had just got with her when me n him slept together for the last time , so yes he has cheated

And by the sound of things you were never anything more than a casual shag to him and you knew it. But you slept with him anyway. So if meeting her made him finally stop coming to you for booty calls it can hardly be described as him cheating on her, can it? That's wishful thinking on your part I'm afraid, because you are angry at him. If anything you are the one who was cheated on.

You say there might have been others because he gets around. It all looks to me like he's a player who was never into exclusivity with you (and never pretended he was) and you were fine with that all the while he at least turned up from time to time to sleep with you. Now he's met someone he wants to be exclusive with and you are very hurt by that, understandably, so you want to find a way to punish him.

But you knew the score. Walk away with your head high and don't make a fool over yourself over someone who will just say 'what her? She's deluded, I was having an on/off no-strings fling with her at the time I met you but it was never serious and now she's gone all bunny boiler on me because I stopped it when I realised i wanted to be serious with you.'

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 16/03/2016 07:10

Look tippy tappy, I have messages dated as recently as two weeks ago saying how much he wants me and to see me again etc.. The intention and cheating is still there... Along with when he did . He is no different with her than he has been with any other gf or even when he had a long term affair with OW when he was married. See, this isn't just a man who once made a mistake he's made hundreds! It will only be a matter of time before he strays again .. From the sounds of some of these reactions women will do a awful lot to keep hold of a man who is less than genuine and that is sad...

OP posts:
PageStillNotFound404 · 16/03/2016 07:16

I'd walk away and leave him to it. If he's as promiscuous and fickle as you say, she'll find her own evidence soon enough.

Leave him to his "Jeremy Kyle" world or however you put it and move on with your life. If you really feel you deserve more, prove it to yourself by not giving this man another thought.

mommy2ash · 16/03/2016 07:36

You focus on your life and making what you want of it and leave him to it. You won't be thanked for it and it will just be another drama in your life. You sound quite hysterical about this man who clearly used you.

peggyundercrackers · 16/03/2016 07:50

Your acting like a stalker - walk away from it and leave them to it. Their lives are nothing to do with you. Your just bitter he has blocked you.

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