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Original poster

To tell his gf ?

153 replies

Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 14:03

Been sleeping with this guy on and off for a year and a bit , yep you guessed it he has a gf ( or maybe a few he gets around ) I feel very angry about how he has treated me and I'm wondering do I tell his gf? She deserves to know what he is , and I suspect she left her husband to start relationship with aforementioned guy. Wibu to tell her?

OP posts:
lighteningirl · 15/03/2016 15:24

You are being really nasty whilst pretending to care about a woman you've been deceiving on and off for a year. Find some self respect and leave her and his kids alone.

MistressDeeCee · 15/03/2016 15:32

She seems the type to blame the OW, and his kids like her. You are spinning a line OP - you know this much info about his girlfriend because you knew he had a girlfriend. Its obvious. Tell if you want to. You and he both seem to be selfish and spiteful hopefully she'll do better for herself, dump this loser get a health check then a better life. Maybe then he'll come back to you for a while and dump you again.

You say she seems very childish - so, you've classed yourself as being more mature than her, have you? Sleeping with her partner, and spying on Facebook? We can all make mistakes in life and yes, get involved with the wrong men, deceitful men etc but you're pretending you didn't know about this woman and making subtle digs at her too. Devious. Behaviour such as yours has consequences at time unfortunately, and now you are feeling the effects of that.

Do bear in mind that if you tell her she may not leave him anyway and there may not be much fallout, She knows him. & she doesn't know you. So I have a mind you'll be described to her in very negative fashion.

If you are going to tell her then tell her once, and leave it alone after that

DarrenHardysDrongo · 15/03/2016 15:34

Is this the same bloke that pisses in the bath and then sends you a pic of it?

BestZebbie · 15/03/2016 15:34

I think you should tell her - until you know he has other gfs then you aren't doing anything wrong, but once you know then I think it is your duty to stop sleeping with him immediately - which you have already done - and then to warn them about the guy's behaviour.
If you don't, whose job is it to make sure that she knows that a) she could be at risk of STDs (if he cheats, he might not just cheat with you, now or in the future) and b) she doesn't have the relationship which she believes, and will be making her own life choices based on?
The fact that he might get some karma for his terrible behaviour is just a bonus, really.
(And for all the 'well, you don't know, they might have an open relationship'...yes, they might, but in that case telling her something she already knows and is fine with won't hurt anybody, so it isn't a good reason to hold off telling her the truth if it isn't supposed to be open).

BabyGanoush · 15/03/2016 15:34

You don't know her.

telling her would be your revenge on him, right? You want HIM to suffer?

Don't pretend you acre about HER

Be honest about your motives

witsender · 15/03/2016 15:35

Why is the OP getting such flack? She didn't know he had a girlfriend so she has been cheated on too in effect. I would tell her...I would want to know.

Binders1 · 15/03/2016 15:37

Yes it is Darren.

EverySongbirdSays · 15/03/2016 15:38

If I was knowingly cheating with someone who had a gf and it ended - I wouldn't tell and would consider it my just desserts.

If I had been in a relationship which I thought was exclusive only to suddenly discover I had been the OW and there had been a GF all along I would be fuming and I probably would tell her, as if he has cheated with me I may not be the only and we both could have been laid open to STIs and their could even be secret kids knocking about.

I do think that any cheating admission should really come from the perpetrator - I'd rather hear it from DH than some random woman who knows my name but I don't know hers.

Tell him if he doesn't tell her you will?

DarrenHardysDrongo · 15/03/2016 15:42

Thanks Binders.

OP - Biscuit

MistressDeeCee · 15/03/2016 15:45

The OP is getting flack because when you make thread after thread after thread about the same bloke, people tend to remember if its not ages ago, especially if theres an odd incident involved

Wets the bath has made me recall.. OP said she is good looking and all his exes look like Miranda Hart. Bet its the same one. Didnt know he took pics tho! He sounds like a jackass tbh

I think they deserve each other but the girlfriend does need to know her man is a cheat. I feels she should be told in a sensitive way and I hope the stunningly beautiful OP will let old plain jane down gently

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/03/2016 15:46

wtf? pissing in the bath and taking pics.. what a man Hmm

Pinkheart5915 · 15/03/2016 15:46

You only have the op word that she didn't know he had a girlfriend. Even if this is true, the op just needs to move on.
How does sitting there thinking should I tell his girlfriend, looking up his girlfriend on Facebook, constantly thinking of him help the op MOVE ON?
I can't help but think the op wants to tell the girlfriend because she's upset with him. The op will still be angry about the way he treated her even if she does tell the girlfriend.

the fact she says I've been sleeping with a guy for over a year, makes me think it was only ever a casual sex thing anyway. He had a girlfriend, she doesn't like the way he treated her. It's now over.

The op needs to put it down to life experience, look forward to uni in September, find another guy that's single and move on.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 15/03/2016 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/03/2016 15:53

Depending on how personal the videos are it could constitute a criminal offence to send them to anybody

Pollyputhtekettleon · 15/03/2016 15:56

I'd want to know. Too many people turn a blind eye.

cozietoesie · 15/03/2016 15:58

The sexual health issue is key to me. Not all issues are immediately apparent and they can - potentially at least - affect eg fertility in some people.

NewLife4Me · 15/03/2016 16:02

I'd want to know, and I'm sure anyone in their right mind would want to know too.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 16:04

The video is of him self pleasuring. I don't want to send it and get into trouble. A family member was the wife of a man who had an affair , she kept saying over and over that every one knew and didn't tell her .. It hurt her so much, but it was worse that no one came forth

OP posts:
witsender · 15/03/2016 16:07

Regardless of moving on, many have spoken to her as if she was knowingly the other woman.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 16:09

I didn't know of this woman's existence until yesterday.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2016 16:14

You've spilt up-why do you still have that video? Why would anyone want a video like that in the first place (misses point slughtly)?

Babylove2015 · 15/03/2016 16:15

I'm confused how he has treated you so badly?!?

You have been sleeping on and off with a guy who you didn't bother ask about his personal life.

It doesn't sound like a relationship ( where you care enough to want to know about each other's personal life), so I take it, you were choosing to be a booty call.

Secondly, if you aren't the type to sleep with attached men/cheaters etc, you would have at least asked since he was only having casual sex with you. Was he seeing anyone else.

You are trying to make yourself out to be the victim here when you choose to have a casual sex with him and you choose not to ask about his personal life.
Sorry but you let yourself down and treated yourself badly.

There are nice guys out there but you have to have the mindset that you are worth more than casual sex to attract one.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 15/03/2016 16:19

He has treated me badly as one day we agreed to be just friends and we're talking fine the next day my number is blocked...

OP posts:
Binders1 · 15/03/2016 16:21

I'm getting confused. In your thread 6/7 months ago, you had slept with him and then found out he wasn't single.

I didn't know of this woman's existence until yesterday - Is this another new gf then?

Why do you want to tell this gf in particular? Why didn't you tell the other gf's?

I still think it's more important that you move on for you and not focus on him and all his other gf's.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 15/03/2016 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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