To be furious with church crèche?

[Jolene1011]

I'm a long time reader first time poster so please be gentle.
So a friend invited me to visit a new church with her today and me my husband and toddler (16 months) went along with her.
They have a crèche for kids 1-14 split into smaller age groups which we put our daughter in. There were several other happy seeming babies in there but when we came back I noticed straight away she had something in her mouth. Asked crèche ladies who said it was breadsticks and raisins. When got back to the car noticed she still had same mouthful in her mouth and didn't seem to be chewing it. I pried her mouth open to find a blue, plastic "frozen" ring in her mouth!
I showed my husband and he was gobsmacked I couldn't believe they could be that negligent and that they had lied to me when I asked what it was.
We were already down the street in the car on the way to reconnect with the friend who had took us there to have lunch when this happened and I was so angry I knew if I went back into the church I would probably come to regret my words later on.

Have left a voicemail with their head office and waiting to hear back from someone there about the crèche. I thought I was well in my rights to be appalled by this until I told my friend what we had found in her mouth and she seemed totally unsurprised or bothered. This friend is my child's godmother and usually very caring about anything like this. Am I overreacting???

I totally understand why you would be upset by this, but I do think that "furious" is an overreaction.

You hadn't left your toddler at an Ofsted registered nursery with professionally trained staff. The crèche is presumably run by volunteers who very kindly help out so that parents can attend a church service without having to worry that their children are happy or stressing that their children are disturbing other worshippers.

They didn't lie to you. They thought that your toddler was eating breadsticks and raisins. If they knew she had put a ring in her mouth they would have either taken it out themselves or - if she wouldn't let them - tell you so that you could have got it out yourself.

Your OTT reaction is the kind of thing that puts people off volunteering.

So volunteers kindly provided free childcare for you and you are outraged.....

I'd say yes and no. Personally I wouldn't put my child in a random crèche that I didn't know much about to begin with for reasons like this. I don't trust that they are watched properly and with a large age range not all the toys will be age appropriate. It's even a problem with my local
Children's centre, so many things that would be a choking hazard for younger babies!

By having a crèche though they do have a duty of care which they have failed in and YANBU to be annoyed and raise it with them.

YABU to say they lied. I doubt they knew it was a toy and not a breadstick and deliberately ignored it!

I doubt they would have deliberately hid that she was chewing on a plastic ring... Of course they assumed she was eating her snack.
Has your child never done anything risky while your back was turned?

Were you or your DH not with your DD?

I doubt they lied too. I also doubt that plastic rings are normally allowed in the toddler bit. It sounds like a mistake to me, and that can happen no matter how vigilant you are. I would absolutely let them know so they can try and prevent a recurrence but I think you should try and calm down first.

You do know that most church crèches are run by volunteers, mums just like you, doing their bit every few weeks so that people can worship while their children are looked after. Mum's make mistakes, they probably thought it was raisins and breadsticks. You would be correct to raise this as a child protection issue and I am sure they will take it seriously but being furious and thinking you were deliberately lied to is ott.

What on earth would they gain by lying to you?? Seems like they thought that she was eating the raisins and given that she wasn't in any distress did you expect them to pry open her mouth and check?
Also these people are probably volunteers so calm down before you demand answers and explanation.

Ok guys maybe "lied" is a strong way to describe them saying she was eating breadsticks however in terms of being OTT I don't think that anyone would be think I was if my child had choked...?
Also I serve in the crèche my church runs and we are super organised and never leave small objects around in the baby/toddler room. I think if people are offering to hold are service they should be organised and skilled with safeguarding.

The reason I posted is because I am hopefully going to be speaking with their office soon about this and would appreciate hearing how you would all deal with this situation, surely you wouldn't all shrug it off??

Oh come on!! Children put things in their mouth all the time and that's what their gag reflex is for!

The church provide these things in good faith and I'm sure they genuinely believed she had food in her mouth

It was likely a ring another child had lost though, I doubt the staff handed it to her

You pried her mouth open, did you expect them to do the same even though she didn't show any signs of distress ? I'm not sure what you want from them. It's one thing for her to be choking but if nothing was happening how would they know??

Agree it is an over reaction. As someone who runs a church creche though they should not have had these toys in the tiddler area. Also, I make sure I stay away from feeding other people's children unless they tell me to and provide food - with allergies nowadays you just can't be too careful.

I volunteer at my church's creche and we don't allow food for this reason.
They should have noticed, but given that you and your husband also didn't think anything is wrong, I think your reaction is an overreaction.

I'm also surprised that you would consider leaving a young child with a bunch of strangers that you appear to know nothing about and have never met.

Nope, I wouldn't shrug it off but I would also be aware of the situation in which it occured, a volunteer led church serting. I would be factual, raise the issue of seating toys etc, and expect feedback on their risk assessment.

Why did you not check what was in her mouth yourself before leaving?

I would make them aware that there are small items within reach of young children. Maybe suggest they go through the toy boxes etc so that it doesn't happen again.
That's all.

Sorry OP, I'm another one who thinks you are over reacting.

YABU to be 'furious'
YABU to say 'they lied to you'. Of course they didn't lie to you - they assumed that whatever was in your dd's mouth was the snack that had been offered, they didn't prise her mouth open to check, and nor did you when you went in to her.

It is unfortunate. I might mention what had happened and hope that it might be possible in future for there not to be small objects in the part of the creche U2s are using, but I'd also understand it might not have been from the creche, it might have been brought in by one of the other dc. I'd also understand that when you are looking after dc (your own, or other people's) you do your best to be vigilant, but that no-one is infallible, and that small dc put things in their mouths all the time. It happens.

There is something in-between fury and shrugging off Op. You make them aware of what happened without wiping the floor with them. It could be that they need to change how they run things, make sure no kids get down from the table until their snack is finished so they know if a toddler has something in their mouth that it needs checking. Maybe they didn't have enough staff.

I would use this s an opportunity for the crèche to learn from their mistakes and move on, rather than furiously seeking blame and retribution.