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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious with church crèche?

137 replies

Jolene1011 · 28/02/2016 19:00

I'm a long time reader first time poster so please be gentle.
So a friend invited me to visit a new church with her today and me my husband and toddler (16 months) went along with her.
They have a crèche for kids 1-14 split into smaller age groups which we put our daughter in. There were several other happy seeming babies in there but when we came back I noticed straight away she had something in her mouth. Asked crèche ladies who said it was breadsticks and raisins. When got back to the car noticed she still had same mouthful in her mouth and didn't seem to be chewing it. I pried her mouth open to find a blue, plastic "frozen" ring in her mouth!
I showed my husband and he was gobsmacked I couldn't believe they could be that negligent and that they had lied to me when I asked what it was.
We were already down the street in the car on the way to reconnect with the friend who had took us there to have lunch when this happened and I was so angry I knew if I went back into the church I would probably come to regret my words later on.

Have left a voicemail with their head office and waiting to hear back from someone there about the crèche. I thought I was well in my rights to be appalled by this until I told my friend what we had found in her mouth and she seemed totally unsurprised or bothered. This friend is my child's godmother and usually very caring about anything like this. Am I overreacting???

OP posts:

cariadlet · 28/02/2016 21:19

I know that I won't be posting nasty replies to other women who are looking for a place to vent and get a bit of feedback in an anonymous and hopefully supporting setting.

For goodness sake, you posted this in AIBU. What did you expect?

Your OP was very over the top. 90% of the replies have been on the lines of: you were NBU to be concerned, you ABU to be furious, don't forget these were volunteers who were doing you a favour, why don't you mention it in a friendly manner so they can be a bit more careful in the future.

That hardly constitutes a profusion of hostile comments. A supportive setting doesn't necessarily translate into sycophantic agreement.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/02/2016 21:23

I'm a long time reader first time poster

That isn't someone who forgot their username.

PurpleDaisies · 28/02/2016 21:27

Look at the latest post from Toofondofcake paul. There's a very plausible explanation for what happened.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/02/2016 21:33

Ah, I missed it Purple. Apologies op.

The name change was odd to us, I'd assume as a lurker you might have known that? A couple of replies have been ott but most are fine. They just don't agree with your attitude to the situation. Don't flounce just because you didn't get the response you wanted!

MothersAreLikebuttons · 28/02/2016 21:38

Sadly this is the reason our church doesn't allow others to care for children. We have to take our own out so I miss half a service. Yes it's relayed in but I often don't hear over toddler play.

They didn't lie. Children can be sneaky. They are volunteers. Unpaid and under appreciated (even when trying to choke children).

Why would you call head office ?? Massssssive step outside of normal steps for complaining.

Go to volunteers. Go to minister... Surely that would be my first port of call.

I understand that you are upset and angry. Your poppet is safe.

You had a responsibility to check your child's mouth, to ensure that what was in situ was appropriate.

I wouldn't leave my child at a church crèche when I was visiting.

My first is nearly 20. I didn't do it with her, nor will I do it with my baby who is 1. I am responsible for risk assessing who is caring for him, the ratio, appropriateness of layout and toys offered. Ensuring volunteers are aware of food needs and carrying appropriate snacks in his bag.

I'm sorry OP. You really are being very unreasonable.

Italiangreyhound · 28/02/2016 21:45

Toofondofcake

PurpleCrazyHorse · 28/02/2016 21:46

I'd raise it with the Church involved (who on earth goes to the 'head office' wherever that is, just contact the Church directly) and mention what happened as information/feedback to improve their procedures.

Our DS is an eater of anything and I don't leave him in our Church creche unattended because there is a wide age range and I'm not confident he would be watched like a hawk if he wasn't with an adult all the time. I certainly wouldn't leave him in a visiting Church creche, I or DH always stay with him. Mostly because you don't know how a visiting Church creche is run and they don't know my child.

shinynewusername · 28/02/2016 21:48

OP, if you go on to have a 2nd DC in the next few years, I invite you to reflect back on this thread when DC2 is 12 months old. I bet you will have spend the year fishing Lego bricks and DC1's generously donated grapes out of DC2's mouth. Even though there's a 2:1 child to parent ratio

Shakey15000 · 28/02/2016 21:51

I understand the initial "fury" but really, she's safe, no harm done thank goodness. Kids will put any old random crap in their mouths and, back only has to be turned for a nanosecond and none of us have eyes in the back.

kawliga · 28/02/2016 21:58

Was it a C of E church? I go to one now, having been brought up catholic, and it freaks me out a little the way the children are hived off to entirely separate spaces, and you have the choice of staying with them to see what's going on and entirely missing the liturgy which presumably is why you wanted to go to church in the first place; or you abandon them to their fate. I don't mind so much now my children know lots of people and are very verbal, but as really little ones it freaked me out and I raised eyebrows by bringing them into "real church" with me at times, although they were very good.

I can assure you, it is not normal in the C of E to abandon your toddler in a crèche in a church you are just visiting and have never been there before so you don't know the volunteers and they don't know your toddler.

In fact it is not normal to leave your toddler alone at all, unless the toddler is very familiar with the volunteers which can happen if you are involved in toddler groups, etc, so you are there fairly often and everybody knows each other. Most parents split up, one stays with the toddler. I'm a single parent so I always did what you do, and sat with my baby/toddler in the church and trained her to be quiet. No running up and down the aisles laughing and throwing toys nonsense.

LaurieMarlow · 28/02/2016 22:14

You sound like hard, hard work OP (whatever your name is). Anyway, I think your only way forward is to never let her out of your sight ever again. Simple.

turkeylovessprout · 28/02/2016 22:22

ou sound like hard, hard work OP (whatever your name is). Anyway, I think your only way forward is to never let her out of your sight ever again. Simple.

Gosh and if you ever get to 3 or more they have a hell of a lot worse in their mouths than frozen rings.

Catsize · 28/02/2016 22:28

Quite fancy a frozen onion ring now.
But cooked.

Fink · 28/02/2016 22:29

I run the children's liturgy at our church. Today I was told off at length by a mother because MY OWN DD was wearing a sleeveless dress (the outrage was over the possible pneumonia risk rather than any modesty issues). It was complete with heavy guilt tripping ('How would you feel if she died from the cold? I bet you'd wish you'd made her wear a cardigan then!')

Also, from a different mother, because the Pope was coming to our cathedral and I hadn't bothered to organise a trip to take the children. He wasn't, it was the local bishop, who is quite frequently to be found in the cathedral.

The OP here can get in my queue of complainants. Be prepared to wait a while. I might hum you some hold music.

turkeylovessprout · 28/02/2016 22:30

My toddler probably has one under his bed if you'd like it catsize?

Chippednailvarnish · 28/02/2016 22:31

Mmm, what would Jesus do?

I reckon he'd love an onion ring. Cooked.

Catsize · 28/02/2016 22:34

Has to be with ketchup. Hope there's some crusty ketchup on it turkey - thanks for the offer!
Thinking of another thread chipping, we are not fit to eat the onion rings from under His table.

Catsize · 28/02/2016 22:35

Chipped. Not chipping. Now thinking of chips. Thanks.

Chippednailvarnish · 28/02/2016 22:37

I don't think he'd like chips, what with it being lent.

OhShutUpThomas · 28/02/2016 22:41

I can imagine how it went.

Church crèche worker 1 - hey, that child has a Frozen ring in its mouth!

Church crèche worker 2 - shhhh! Say nothing. If the parents ask, we'll lie

turkeylovessprout · 28/02/2016 22:42

Maybe the OP's dc was trying to observe lent by eating plastic instead.

Catsize · 28/02/2016 22:45

Chocolate chips are certainly off the menu chipped

AugustaFinkNottle · 28/02/2016 22:46

If you raise it with the church at all, I would recommend that you do it in an extremely low key way - along the lines of "I thought I should let you know that when I picked DD up on Sunday I found she had a small plastic ring in her mouth. You might like to check that there's nothing around that a small child might choke on if she put it in her mouth."

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/02/2016 22:51

OhShutUp such a doubting Thomas! (See what I did there?!)

Northernlurker · 28/02/2016 22:53

I was in church crèche today too. I would have been rather surprised to be left with a baby I didn't know at all tbh.

I think you need to get a grip OP. Your child had some plastic in her mouth. She didn't choke. She isn't harmed. Do you think freaking out about what is actually a non-event is really the most helpful reaction?

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