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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being selfish

131 replies

KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:32

I am heading out tonight for a friends birthday DS is 1.5. DH works shifts and usually my nights out fall on nights he's working...on those nights my DM will keep DS. On his nights out obviously DS stays with me. Anyway tonight I am out and DH is keeping DS...he has planned for golf tomorrow morning at 8.30am and is staying after work
Tonight to go to the gym. I am meant to be out for 7 DH has said he'll not be home until
I have to go out. So I have to get ready, get DS his dinner and ready for bed while DH just swans in and DS will be sleeping for 7.30 AIBU to this he is being a selfish pr*ck

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 19/02/2016 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wineandrosesagain · 19/02/2016 16:35

Why won't he be home in time?

Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 16:36

Yanbu and he's being a selfish pick by doing this on purpose.
I'd take as long as possible in the morning to get up (nice long bath maybe) and make him miss his bloody golf

Wineandrosesagain · 19/02/2016 16:36

sorry just spotted it's so he can go to the gym. I would tell him he either gets home in time to sort out DS or next time he wants a night out you won't babysit and neither with your DM. Twat, trying to spoil your night. And if he doesn't agree then I would suggest you leave the house before 8.30 tomorrow so he has to look after his DS then. See how he likes it.

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:37

Because he wants to go to the gym even though he went this morning. He just doesn't want me going out, always tries
To make it difficult

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 19/02/2016 16:37

Can't your husband get your son ready for bed when he gets in? It might mean him going to bed later for one night but will that really do too much harm? Yes he is being selfish by going to the gym after work.

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:37

I would do that in the morning but he would just leave anyway whether I'm up or not

OP posts:
RudeElf · 19/02/2016 16:37

So he's doing this deliberately because you are going out? Thats a problem. He doesnt like that you are going out? Or that its impacting on him by having to look after his own child?

kslatts · 19/02/2016 16:38

Does he usually go to the gym on a Friday, if he does and you planned your night out knowing that his usual time to get home is around the time you would be leaving then I think YABU.

If he has planned to go to the gym because you are going out and he is trying to avoid having to cook DS his dinner, etc. then YANBU.

MoreGilmoreGirls · 19/02/2016 16:38

So stay out all night OP Grin

RudeElf · 19/02/2016 16:38

Yeah he's a tosser. Whats keeping you with him?

PoppyFleur · 19/02/2016 16:39

Depending on how petty I felt like being, I would be tempted to stay at a friends house tonight and go home tomorrow morning around 8.30am.

Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 16:39

Then don't be there in the morning. Stay with a friend instead. He won't have a choice then!

And make sure you tell your mother not to babysit either...

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:39

Sorry he goes to the gym before work which he did this morning he has just decided he wants to go again. The phone call went like this

'What time are you going out'
'7pm'
'Fine I'll be home then'
'But I need to get ready'
'Well that's your problem'
Hangs up

OP posts:
Moving15 · 19/02/2016 16:41

Say OK, you'll go out later although it will end up being too late to get back tonight so you will try your best to be home in time for his golf in the morning. Then breeze in at the time his golf starts.

yorkshapudding · 19/02/2016 16:41

There's a far bigger problem here than him going to the gym this evening. You've said he doesn't like you going out and always tries to make it difficult, which is not normal behaviour and not something I could accept in what is supposed to be an equal partnership. Is he controlling in other ways?

Fatmomma99 · 19/02/2016 16:43

Def being an arse. I'd be fuming.

Don't let it spoil your night out.

Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 16:44

What a pick!
If my dp tryed to pull this shit he would pay by spending every weekend he had off having the dc's and could kiss watching the six nations goodbye

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:45

I am fuming!!! He always does this. He is out next weekend and will go out at 3 and not come home until late which I will not mind or try and stop his plans.

Mum (who is a legend) has told me to come to hers and get ready she'll get DS sorted with dinner and bath then I'll drop him off home before I got out.

OP posts:
cuautepec · 19/02/2016 16:46

A once-off act of thoughtlessness or selfishness is one thing, but when he does it deliberately because he doesn't like you going out, that is a very serious problem

PennyHasNoSurname · 19/02/2016 16:47

He is a prick. If his nights out fall when you are at work, who arranges the childcare? Tenner says it isnt him.

Id try and get my mum on side and have her only babysit for me.

Wineandrosesagain · 19/02/2016 16:48

Op, why do you allow this? He is being a controlling twat. You can stop him you know. As per PP's suggestion - stay at a friend's house if you can. If not, go out before he wakes up tomorrow and leave DS with him - or did you mean he would go to golf anyway and leave DS in the house alone??

Sorry, but why are you with such a man?

Fatmomma99 · 19/02/2016 16:49

Fabulous mum!

can you drop him home at 10 past 7?

Just enough time for your DH to come home to an empty house with no explanation and not know what to do/make of it.

Might give him a teeny-tiny scare/pause for thought about appreciating what he has?

Wineandrosesagain · 19/02/2016 16:49

You and your DM are enabling his shitty behaviour. I couldn't live like that.

BackforGood · 19/02/2016 16:49

Whereas your OP is a bit muddled - if I've got it right, you are complaining that you have to get ready to go out, with a toddler "helping" you ?

tbf - that's a normal part of parenting as far as I'm concerned.