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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being selfish

131 replies

KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:32

I am heading out tonight for a friends birthday DS is 1.5. DH works shifts and usually my nights out fall on nights he's working...on those nights my DM will keep DS. On his nights out obviously DS stays with me. Anyway tonight I am out and DH is keeping DS...he has planned for golf tomorrow morning at 8.30am and is staying after work
Tonight to go to the gym. I am meant to be out for 7 DH has said he'll not be home until
I have to go out. So I have to get ready, get DS his dinner and ready for bed while DH just swans in and DS will be sleeping for 7.30 AIBU to this he is being a selfish pr*ck

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 19/02/2016 16:50

What a bellend. Angry

Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 16:50

Don't let him get away with it. At the moment he comes and goes as he pleases and doesn't have to worry who's looking after his child.

Next weekend be busy or held up until he has sorted ds tea bath and bed and then come home. Give him a taste of his own fucking medicine
Next

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:51

I don't work shifts I work 9-5 so he never needs a 'babysitter'. He works shifts.

I know I should leave him with DS all day but I'd feel bad leaving DS Blush I miss him too much (pfb sorry)

He has always been this way but I always make sure I do what I plan to do no matter what he says so although yes he's controlling I don't let him get his way iyswim not that that's a solution Sad

OP posts:
Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 16:52

Read the full thread back not that atall

Bogeyface · 19/02/2016 16:52

I was married to "man" who had the outlook that he would do what he wanted and I would do as I was told. If I ever went out without him he would make life so hard both before and after. He would deliberately stay late at work or go out himself until it was too late for me to go out, he would make sure that the house was in a right state to punish me for daring to go out. And of course I was accused of cheating because I wasnt having sex with him so I must have been getting it somewhere else. I wonder if you can guess why I wasnt sleeping with him? I did point out that a sulking tantruming man child was not attractive but no, in his mind it was all my fault for wanting a life of my own.

We divorced. I suggest you consider the same because when you sit down to think about it, nights out will just be the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the selfishness of men like this.

Lurkedforever1 · 19/02/2016 16:52

I don't understand why he's bu? He'll be home before you go out so why is he being an arse not being home beforehand?

Goingtobeawesome · 19/02/2016 16:54

So you go out on his work nights and so that he doesn't have to look after his own child another time, your mum does? It's not a coincidence it works like that is it? Hmm.

OurBlanche · 19/02/2016 16:55

Woah, Lurked. I would find your tin hat and duck, if I were you.

twopinkkittens · 19/02/2016 16:56

Your DH sounds so selfish and lazy! I bet he enjoys swanning about living life as he did previously before DS and there you are rushing about and being made to feel guilty about going out for 1 night.

YANBU. In fact I would have a word with DH about being a total wanker and putting the phone down on you!

Purposely not making himself available so he can get out of parental responsibility.

What else does he do to make your life miserable?

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:56

I spend most days looking like I've been trailed through a hedge backwards I selfishly wanted to spend a bit of time on my hair and makeup tonight. I didn't mean to come across complaining that is have to look after my toddler whole getting ready he's just into everything at the moment needs full attention lol

OP posts:
RudeElf · 19/02/2016 16:58

My exp used to pick a fight before i went on a night out. Thats if he couldnt find a way to be "delayed" enough to make me too late to go out.

Lurked he is being selfish by not coming home and watching the child so she can get ready to go out in peace.

BackforGood · 19/02/2016 16:58

Sunny - I have read the full thread, but, like lurked , I can't see why the one parent getting home in time for the other to go out, is an issue Confused

Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 16:59

Because when he goes out its from 3 in the afternoon and it's not a problem. Op wants to go out for 7ish and he's now going to the gym for the second time today, which he doesn't usually do, so op has to do ds tea bath and bed knowing full well he can waltz in and doesn't have to do fuck all and you can't see why he's being U

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:59

He finishes work at 5 15 minute commute but he won't come home until 7

OP posts:
Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 17:00

Because it's one rule for him and another for her which is unreasonable

Goingtobeawesome · 19/02/2016 17:00

It's an issue because he doesn't need to go to the gym. He's coming home at the last minute, if indeed he does, to try and control the OP.

WickedWax · 19/02/2016 17:02

This incident in isolation, YABU, it is a roll your eyes, curse under your breath that he's an arse, but just get on with it and get ready, he'll be home in time for you to go out, what's the problem?

However with the background that you've given, he's a selfish prick who is deliberately trying to make it difficult for you to have a social life or deliberately tries to spoil your time out.

So what are you going to do about it?

Lightbulbon · 19/02/2016 17:03

You are not selfish.

If my dp is 'babysitting' while I'm out he knows that this includes at least a couple of hours of getting ready time!

Your dp is a prick.

Maybe you'll meet someone better when you're out! Wink

blindsider · 19/02/2016 17:04

Can't you tell him not to go to the gym as that doesn't work for you. Twice a day is unreasonable when you have small kids. I have to say the phone conversation you had with him doesn't sound particularly caring or loving:Sad

HelsBels3000 · 19/02/2016 17:07

Id go and drop your DS off with him at 5.01 after he's finished work and swan off to your mums to get ready in peace. Grin

tbtc20 · 19/02/2016 17:08

My soon-to-be-ex did/does this. I see it now.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 19/02/2016 17:10

With the history, this is crap. The question is what you will do to deal with it. There's no point doing it tonight as that's probably what he's spoiling for but heaven forbid he turns up late.

Cheby · 19/02/2016 17:10

Go out, text/call around 9pm and say you're staying at a friend's. Turn up mid morning tomorrow. You'll still get a good day with DS and your DH will have to actually do some childcare. He can go out to golf once you're home. And if he needs to go earlier then he can arrange childcare himself.

I wouldn't advocate behaving like this normally but he clearly thinks he can just get away with it, so I think you need your actions to show him he can't.

rookiemere · 19/02/2016 17:11

He could be a controlling idiot, or he just could be clueless.

My DH is generally lovely, but does not really understand fair, so he wouldn't get why it's unreasonable to go out one evening to the gym and then be out the next day for golf, particularly as OP is going out that evening.

I would need to spell it out that I need time to get ready before going out. If OP has specifically asked him to be back straight after work, then yes he is being unreasonable, but if she hasn't I can see the mindset of oh yes Kitchen's out tonight, I'll swing past the gym on the way home and I'll still be back in time for her to go.

OP I would just do cheese on toast for dinner and leave your DS for DH to put to bed when he gets home.

Don't let it spoil your night.

Pseudo341 · 19/02/2016 17:12

I don't go out very often at all, I'm just too tired. My DH will try to make sure he's here helping out in time for me to get ready, though he genuinely gets held up at work quite often but he's always very apologetic. He also gets up with the kids the morning after to give me a lie in to make sure I can enjoy my night out without worrying about not getting enough sleep.

Your DH is being a controlling prick. Also, I'm really shocked at the way he spoke to you on that phone call. What an arse!