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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being selfish

131 replies

KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 16:32

I am heading out tonight for a friends birthday DS is 1.5. DH works shifts and usually my nights out fall on nights he's working...on those nights my DM will keep DS. On his nights out obviously DS stays with me. Anyway tonight I am out and DH is keeping DS...he has planned for golf tomorrow morning at 8.30am and is staying after work
Tonight to go to the gym. I am meant to be out for 7 DH has said he'll not be home until
I have to go out. So I have to get ready, get DS his dinner and ready for bed while DH just swans in and DS will be sleeping for 7.30 AIBU to this he is being a selfish pr*ck

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 19/02/2016 17:12

As others have said, it's not just about this one time, is it? He sounds as though he doesn't really think you should be 'allowed' much time out to yourself and he systematically tries to ruin it.

And no, 'not letting him get his way' on a case-by-case basis is not a real solution. He needs kicking into touch.

ProfGrammaticus · 19/02/2016 17:13

Yes, he can go to bed a bit late, it won't matter.

DownstairsMixUp · 19/02/2016 17:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/02/2016 17:14

Well that's your problem'
Hangs up.

He spoke to you like that?

That alone would really piss me off, I'd be stewing on that for a while.

BabyGanoush · 19/02/2016 17:16

Why are your lovely mum mum and you enabling this behaviour?!

Why do you put up with a partner who offers no kindness or respect?

Costacoffeeplease · 19/02/2016 17:16

I really don't know why you put up with this behaviour and rope your mum into picking up his slack - I'd be too embarrassed to aske her!

Costacoffeeplease · 19/02/2016 17:17

Ask!!

JennyOnAPlate · 19/02/2016 17:17

Spend the night at your dm's. Stroll home at lunch time tomorrow. I would.

rookiemere · 19/02/2016 17:17

Oh sorry OP I skim read the thread Blush. YANBU - this is more than a thoughtless one off.

A1Sharon · 19/02/2016 17:19

rookie OP told her DH she would like some time to get ready, and he said tough! He went to the gym this am, he is going again this pm so that she will have DS washed/fed/in bed for him. He doesn't care that she wants some time to get herself ready.
He is a selfish toad. Ugh.

phequer · 19/02/2016 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AskingForAPal · 19/02/2016 17:24

That's a brilliant idea Hels!

Lurkedforever1 · 19/02/2016 17:25

If he doesn't pull his weight at home on a daily basis and is regularly out socially leaving you doing the vast majority of the childcare, then in that respect he is an arse.

I just don't see this situation as an example of him being an arse. I like to make more of an effort for a night out too, but it wouldn't cross my mind having a toddler in tow was an issue, so I can see why from his pov he didn't see why he needed to skip the gym.

Kiwiinkits · 19/02/2016 17:25

Petty arguments and point-scoring do not make a happy marriage. YABU.

This is one child? To get ready for bed? Big deal!! Just do it, get him ready for bed. It's really not that hard. Pjs, teeth, toilet, book, bed. Whoop Dee Doo. certainly not worth getting bitter and twisted about.

Kiwiinkits · 19/02/2016 17:28

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OnlyLovers · 19/02/2016 17:28

Lurked, the DH spoke to the OP on the phone as follows:

'But I need to get ready'
'Well that's your problem'
Hangs up

Is that not being an arse?

Kiwi, it may not be that hard but it's the DH's job as well as the OP's. All it means for him is that he 'only' gets to go to the gym once in a day rather than twice.

OnlyLovers · 19/02/2016 17:29

x-post. The princess comment is really really bitchy.

Lotsofplanetshaveanorth · 19/02/2016 17:30

The phone exchange speaks volumes ...one wouldn't speak to a respected colleague like that so why does he think it's okay to say "that's your problem". :( hope you still enjoy your evening

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 17:31

No I am going to my mums to get ready so she can entertain DS yes I know I sound spoilt rotten but he really is at that stage where he wants to hold and use everything so getting ready will take double the time Blush

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2016 17:31

He could be a controlling idiot, or he just could be clueless. The "that's your problem" and hanging up implies the former.

Sunnybitch · 19/02/2016 17:31

He's already been to the gym lurked he's only going again because he knows that op is going out so instead of coming home and looking after his son so she can have a bit of time to get ready (which she does for him) he'll be coming in when ds is in bed meaning he doesn't have to do anything with his own child

GruntledOne · 19/02/2016 17:31

Sorry he goes to the gym before work which he did this morning he has just decided he wants to go again. The phone call went like this

'What time are you going out'
'7pm'
'Fine I'll be home then'

Phone him back and tell him there's been a change of plan and you have to go out at 6.30.

Or just don't get DC ready, dump him in DH's arms as soon as he comes in and tell him it's all down to him as you walk out of the door.

Original poster
KitchenNightmare99 · 19/02/2016 17:31

I wanted to make an effort tonight as we are going to a fancy club

OP posts:
GruntledOne · 19/02/2016 17:33

Kiwiinkits, I've got news for you. Children aren't all the same.

HTH.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/02/2016 17:33

I don't think you sound Princessy OP but your dh does sound a bit of dickhead if he thinks he can speak to you in such a way, as I said upthread.