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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I can get married with a tiny baby?

134 replies

queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 09:51

So DP and I are getting married in December. All booked and (partially) paid for. Were planning on a few nights somewhere unusual for our honeymoon but it isn't booked yet.

However, a couple of days ago we found out I'm pregnant. We weren't trying any more so it was a big shock. If online calculators are to be trusted, baby is due in October. It would be around 9 weeks old for the wedding. We have already sent out the save the dates.

Aibu to hope we can do this without changing the date? Just for info: hoping to bf, cannot bring the wedding closer for financial reasons, and I am buying my dress from an outlet store (hopefully minimal appointments/alterations). What do you all think?

OP posts:
nephrofox · 18/02/2016 09:56

You'll be fine.

How big is the planned wedding? You might find you have different ideals now and plan a smaller affair than previously. Certainly a low key do with close friends would be more manageable with a tiny baby than a huge social occasion. Maybe if you thought of it like that you may decide to bring it closer and do it cheaper? But if not then don't worry, it's only a day, you and baby will be fine

mouldycheesefan · 18/02/2016 09:57

I would say postpone the wedding or bring it forward.
9 week olds can still be feeding every 3 hours so you could spend a lot of time feeding the baby. You are unlikely to be getting much sleep. You may still be bleeding or have other complications. Do you really want to be exhausted with leaky boobs and a baby attached to you for most of the time at your own wedding? If you can't bring it forward then postpone so you can really enjoy the day.
Congratulations in both your happy events

Original poster
queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 09:59

It's a small (ish) do with close friends/family at the wedding, then a slightly larger reception. Still less than 100 at that. No hope of making it smaller as we have purchased a package at a hotel. Luckily though this means the hotel are organising almost everything for us. And it's 10 mins from home :)

OP posts:
Gracey79 · 18/02/2016 10:00

Think you'll be fine, my ds would have been far easier at 9w than any older! You won't be short of people to hold/cuddle, he still did feed every 2/3 hours at that age but the 'attached to me 24/7' period had ended around 6 weeks.
Congratulations

HSMMaCM · 18/02/2016 10:00

Congratulations.

A wedding with a 9 week old is probably easier than a wedding with a toddler Grin.

You might need to work out how you are going to feed the baby around the ceremony/dress, but I'm sure it's doable. Also plenty of leak protection in place.

Have a great day and stay healthy Flowers

Original poster
queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 10:01

Ah those are the things I'm worried about mouldy Sad

OP posts:
PebbleTTC · 18/02/2016 10:01

You can def do it! Congratulations!

gunting · 18/02/2016 10:05

I'm sure it'll be fine! Although something to consider... In my case the calculator was 1 week out and my ds was 2 weeks late. He was originally due 19 October but was born 1 Nov so it depends on how early in December your wedding is.

Congrats though what an exciting year for you!

BunloafAndCrumpets · 18/02/2016 10:07

Congratulations!!!

I went on holiday about 2hrs drive from home with my baby when she was 10weeks. I remember I was just about starting to feel human again. I think it's manageable although personally I think I would enjoy a wedding more with an older baby just because I was still a little tired and emotional at 10 weeks post birth! If being married is more important to you than your enjoyment of the day (I'm not being harsh - being married was the most important thing to me) then I would go ahead. However if the enjoyment of your day is paramount, I would probably defer the wedding. If you go ahead here are my thoughts:
-get a bf-friendly dress - critical!! You might be in big pants and don't want to be hoiking up and displaying them every hour or so!!
-I put on about 4stone in preg and am normally sporty and well. At 10weeks I was still about 2 stone heavier than pre preg. I did put on a lot but then so might you (mine was mostly water I think, pre eclampsia) so good to plan for this with clothes and shoes
-get as much, if not all, done as early as possible!
-get really good wedding insurance now (before you find out you're pregnant?!!) in case of any complications
-check your family and friends are happy to rally round and support on the day and in run up
-get good accommodation for at least night before and after wedding in same location. Travelling with little one can be tricky!

Good luck and congrats again on everything!! Wonderful news. Xxx

BunloafAndCrumpets · 18/02/2016 10:08

Sorry cross-post just saw you're near home - fab - no need to sort accom/ pack baby stuff!

Whatdoidohelp · 18/02/2016 10:09

A 9 week baby might actually only be 7 weeks if you are late. If you are late and have a cesarean you will struggle. Swollen, bleeding, leaking, exhausted etc. God the sleep deprivation with a new born would be enough to ruin it for me. I would bring it forward or postpone. You can plan for the best but babies will come when they want and you can ever be 100% sure you won't need a c section.

CalleighDoodle · 18/02/2016 10:10

Youll be fine. Adrenelin will get you through. You could always offer a bottle on the day. I gave my ds a bottle of formula on his christening day due to my outfit choice. Apart from that he was ebf until 24 weeks with no issues.

I think your issue will be the dress. Choose the style carefully. I bought a size 10 pair of trousers for dd christening (im usually an 8) She was christened at 3 months old and as my body was constantly changing, two weeks after buying the trousers they were too big (but the 8 was too small). With my ds i went for a dress so the changing body shape didnt matter. Id personally go for a wedding dress that was all about the boobs, as bf boobs are glorious, and loose fitting below. Is that empire line?

Original poster
queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 10:13

bunloaf thank you that was very helpful! Excellent point about wedding insurance. We were already planning on staying at the hotel the night before anyway so that is easily organised.

Being married to me was most important. I'd get married anywhere if it was just me iyswim. However DP has his heart set on his special day and would be devastated if we moved it. I think he is hoping for a mini best man Smile thank you for the thoughts on weight gain. I am very petite currently so very aware I could look completely different! Shock

OP posts:
BunloafAndCrumpets · 18/02/2016 10:14

Am not sure about bottle on the day as a plan now - what if baby won't take a bottle / op's boobs feel like exploding without feeding /pumping?! Best to plan for bf than risk angry baby or mastitis IMO Confused

BunloafAndCrumpets · 18/02/2016 10:14

It's a pleasure queen, good luck!!!

Marmite27 · 18/02/2016 10:15

We went to a wedding in a different country (involving a long drive, a ferry, then another long drive) when DD was 9 weeks old. She was very well behaved, and everything was fine.

Make sure your baby is happy to be settled by someone else other than you or your fiancé, as they'll be certain points s/he'll need to go to someone else - vows, register signing etc.

We joined in the first dance with my DH holding DD and dancing with me, which made MiL cry - which she didn't at our first dance at our wedding.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Original poster
queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 10:15

calleigh yes empire line! Terrified about bf boobs! I am a 30F currently and god knows what that might go up to! I generally avoid dresses that show this (was thinking high necklines) but that is definitely something to think about as I think I'd struggle in my 'preferred' dress.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 18/02/2016 10:18

This is what i had in mind. Forgiving and easy boob access.

AIBU to think I can get married with a tiny baby?
teacher54321 · 18/02/2016 10:18

A v good friend of mine got married when her eldest was 4 months old. Everyone rallied round and cuddled the baby, looked after him and she had an amazing day! Only issue was that her dress needed loads of alterations at the last minute as her body shape changed so drastically. At 10 weeks they are still immobile and portable-and can be carried around by doting aunties and friends if they do some screaming in the important bits! Recruit some relatives to be on hand and get the hotel onside Smile

VagueIdeas · 18/02/2016 10:19

I wouldn't have wanted to get married at nine weeks postpartum, primarily because I wouldn't want to be 20lbs overweight in the photos, as I was after DC2.

I know not everyone piles weight on, but plenty do (and lose it afterwards, but slowly) and I wouldn't want to spend the entire pregnancy worrying about weight gain and putting pressure on myself not to chain eat Snickers bars eat too much.

Firstmum24 · 18/02/2016 10:21

express!! as soon as LO is born double up your feeds and express too, your breasts will supply the demand! buy freezer bags for your milk and store up. this will be great if hubby needs to take LO at any time i.e - getting your hair/makeup done.

express express express and then after two months you can wean off expressing and soley BF and your supply will settle to provide for bambino and you will have hundreds left over in the freezer.

Thats what i did and although it is extremely hard work - tied to pump/baby you will make your wedding day a lot easier (and the run up and afterwards as well)

Sound alike everything is going lovely for you, marriage and a new baby! well done you. best wishes xxxx

VagueIdeas · 18/02/2016 10:23

What's the advantage of all that expressing Firstmum? So OP won't have to BF on her wedding day? That sounds like a tremendous amount of work for very little gain.

CalleighDoodle · 18/02/2016 10:26

I put on 3 stone with both my pregnancies. Dc were 8lb and 10lb at birth. I had lost it all fairyl quickly by eating healthily (NOT dieting), gentle exercise throughout pregnancy and (not too soon) after the birth, and bfing. If youre normally a healthy and consistent weight you should be fine. Ive also known many people who put less weight on than me and hadnt lost it by the time their child was 12 months BUT they are the ones who always have trouble with their weight. Weight up and down all the time anyway as their attitude towards food isnt healthy.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 18/02/2016 10:27

Honestly?

If it's the date that's special to dp, I'd put it off a year. Too many unknowns.

I had dc3 4.5 months ago, great pregnancy, super-fast birth, was recovered within days but no way would I have wanted to organise what sounds like quite a weddingy wedding (iyswim) and be in that role 9 weeks postpartum.

Otherwise I would do a small, intimate wedding when you're pregnant and have a big combined post-wedding/christening/welcoming party the following summer.

liinyo · 18/02/2016 10:28

It is certainly doable given all the caveats about dresses etc. I would be more concerned about the weeks leading up to the wedding.

The early months of motherhood are unpredictable/awful/wonderful. It is an incredibly special time of your life, as is a wedding and once it is over you can never re-experience it. would be concerned that having all the stresses and excitements of planning a wedding at the same time as being a new mum would spoil your full enjoyment of each experience.

I think if it were me I would prefer to take the pressure off myself and enjoy the first months and Christmas with the new baby and perhaps re-arrange the wedding for the Spring?