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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I can get married with a tiny baby?

134 replies

queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 09:51

So DP and I are getting married in December. All booked and (partially) paid for. Were planning on a few nights somewhere unusual for our honeymoon but it isn't booked yet.

However, a couple of days ago we found out I'm pregnant. We weren't trying any more so it was a big shock. If online calculators are to be trusted, baby is due in October. It would be around 9 weeks old for the wedding. We have already sent out the save the dates.

Aibu to hope we can do this without changing the date? Just for info: hoping to bf, cannot bring the wedding closer for financial reasons, and I am buying my dress from an outlet store (hopefully minimal appointments/alterations). What do you all think?

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 18/02/2016 10:28

vague advantages of expressing? I used to add an express slot the week before a nightnout. obviously not express on the night out and enjoy the size of the boobs! No pain no gain though and had to hand express a little to make it comfortable...

Can you tell i only have boobs during pregnancy and bfing Grin

Artandco · 18/02/2016 10:30

I would

Get a nice baby sling and have baby worn by Dh or you at actual wedding also so you are happy he's close . I would feed 60 mins before actual ceromony and get your husband ( well to be), to wear him in a black sling under his suit jacket. He will likely sleepy through if fed, clean and held close.

We went backpacking with ours at that age! People said we were crazy but it was fine. Relaxing actually as me at we were back to normal life with baby full incorporated.

Having baby at your wedding and involved is perfect was to start as a family. Baby will be involved in everything else anyway so might as well big day. Can always rope in your parents/ in laws or similar to help with taking baby for walk or changing nappy if needed at important moments.

PastaLaFeasta · 18/02/2016 10:31

My DD was due the weekend of our planned wedding. We move it forward and had it planned in eight weeks. A hotel (and church) so mostly all organised there. No drinking (much) for me so I kept a clear head. I was about 15 weeks on the day so little change to my body shape, no need to breastfeed and no baby on our honeymoon.

We had a screamer so it would've been a nightmare. Three people I know got pregnant after engagement and hoped to have a wedding with a baby, two haven't done it years later and one waited a few years.

LastOneDancing · 18/02/2016 10:32

Congratulations OP! FWIW I was a 30F and went up to a 30J while feeding Shock

You can do it OP, the biggest consideration is whether you want to. I can remember feeling that I was just starting to get to grips with having a little person to keep alive at 10 weeks - and that was with nothing to focus on but a new baby.

Are you happy to share this settling in period with the last minute wedding planning? Personally I'd rather wait until the baby is a bit older (but not walking!!) and enjoy both. Also as PP said, I'm a different shape than I was and this took a while to get used to and feel confident again.

But if you're happy you can do it, go for it!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 18/02/2016 10:34

I think it's doable. If you have a straightforward birth ad straightforward baby there shouldn't be a problem. For other circumstances, a PP's suggestion of wedding insurance is a good idea.

I would definitely have found a wedding with a 9wk old easier than a 9month old, with the baby that I had so, it'll be down to luck how well it goes, but it certainly doable.

Congratulations, in fact - double congratulations!

Lightbulbon · 18/02/2016 10:34

If it was me I'd cancel.

For the kind of wedding I'd want I couldn't have it with a 9 (more likely 7/8) week old in tow.

gunting · 18/02/2016 10:36

Liinyo makes a good point.

When ds was 9 weeks I was struggling with postnatal anxiety and depression, my body was 2 stone overweight, my hair was falling out and I was covered in spots and stretch marks on my tummy and boobs. Looking back i felt awful and had no self esteem.

gunting · 18/02/2016 10:37

Also I had a straight forward birth no cuts and just a small tear but mentally I felt terrible

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 18/02/2016 10:39

And, to counter all the negative stories, I was back in my pre-preg clothes at 11 days (with a little strain over the bf boobies, which if I'm honest balanced me out better than my post bf shape). And, I was infinitely calmer and more capable of coping with an event like a wedding with a premobile baby than a bigger one (mine was walking at 9 months!!!)

Get some pads to mop up any milk leekage and think about the design of your dress for bf access as suggested above, and all being well - you'l have a marvellous day. New baby, new husband, family and friends around to celebrate - sounds amazing.

YouSaffBridge · 18/02/2016 10:42

Ah, you'll be fine. It's your wedding after all. So if you're knackered, you can sit down the whole day. You can do whatever you want at your wedding!

boredofusername · 18/02/2016 10:43

Have you told the hotel? Maybe they'll offer you an alternative date around Easter 2017?

I think you may already be too late for wedding insurance, they'll count 10 months from the date you took it out.

I'd postpone. There are too many variables. What happens if birth is more difficult than expected and it takes you a bit longer to recover? C-section for example? Baby born 2 weeks later than planned? I'd wait. 6 months old is a great age for babies.

MNetter15 · 18/02/2016 10:44

Ds was 6 months old when we got married.

It was fine, he was fine, but tbh even though we had a small wedding, it was stressful. He was an EBF bottle refuser so even things like hair/beauty appointments etc were hard.
It's hard to say really. It's impossible to know how you'll feel after giving birth... It's an overwhelming time without the added stress of a wedding.

On the other hand I'm glad we didn't put it off until he was a toddler because now there are a whole new set of challenges Confused

Just realised my post is in no way helpful Sad

WitteryTwittery · 18/02/2016 10:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
queenoftheworld93 · 18/02/2016 10:47

boredofusername we only found out 2 days ago. Not even my mum knows yet! Just DP. I think a chat with our wedding coordinator should be on the cards though. We were going to hold off on telling anyone at all until early March but at this rate we'll have to at least tell my mum and MIL to be! Luckily no MiL drama here, she is lovely Smile

OP posts:
ExConstance · 18/02/2016 10:49

I had my children years ago, and had been married for 7 years when I had DS1, but I'd like to say that my generation of mothers went back to work much earlier than mothers do now. Out of my NCT group there were 4 of us for certain who were back at work when our babies were 8 weeks old, and that was full time for me. I was feeling pretty good at that time and wearing normal clothes - though not anything with a fixed waistband. If you feel confident enough to go with it you will be fine.

MNetter15 · 18/02/2016 10:50

Oh and, congrats on your pregnancy! Smile

vvviola · 18/02/2016 10:54

We did a very small registry office wedding when I was 7 months pregnant (just me, DH and my parents. It looked like a shotgun wedding!) and then did the full church wedding almost exactly a year later. I think it gave us the best of both worlds (married before baby came to keep next of kin issues simple, and church wedding, which was very important to me, when DD1 was about 10 months old and I had lost some weight and was getting some sleep. I was also able to use the last few months of maternity leave to do wedding things)

Is there the option of doing something like that?

liquidrevolution · 18/02/2016 10:54

I would carry on with the wedding plans. Buy a very forgiving dress and have a dressmaker on hand for alterations. Express lots beforehand and get the baby used to a teat and being handled by strangers.

Dont worry about sling wearing during the ceremony. Babies do not need to be permanently clamped to the breast or touching their mums Hmm.

Just make sure you dont do too much in the few weeks before the wedding. Keep everything very simple.

Yes things might go wrong so pared down plans are best. And to be fair there is just as much chance things will go perfectly.

werewolfinladderedtights · 18/02/2016 10:56

My youngest was 8 weeks when I got married. It was a lovely day and bf was no hassle. Certainly easier than ff and all the faf that goes with it.
I'm sure you will have an amazing day. And congratulations Flowers

Xmasbaby11 · 18/02/2016 10:57

Congrats! I would cancel the wedding personally. It's a big enough event having a baby and I'd want to enjoy my wedding as a separate event. I'd postpone it for 6 months or so.

Obviously it would be possible, but would it be enjoyable for anyone concerned? When DD was 9 weeks I was struggling with feeding, mildly depressed, tired. Walking to the coffee shop to meet a friend was as much excitement as I wanted.

Also .. wedding planning and baby planning at the same time …noo!

elephantfeet · 18/02/2016 10:59

I have a 4 week old baby. My wedding is in 6 weeks!! We did exactly the same - booked wedding then found out I was pregnant. You will be fine. It has stopped us going mad on both wedding and baby spending.

prettywhiteguitar · 18/02/2016 10:59

If you have hands on help it should be manageable although I still looked a fright 12 weeks after labour !

My ds was 6 months at our wedding and twenty mins before the ceremony I still hadn't done my make up and was feeding ds, I had useless mum and Inlaws though

prettywhiteguitar · 18/02/2016 11:00

Oh and I looked fat too ! Fat and happy though Grin

VagueIdeas · 18/02/2016 11:00

Postnatal depression/anxiety is another factor too. Not wishing to scaremonger, but it's hard to predict how you'll be feeling mentally. Sleep deprivation alone can drive you crackers, even if you feel pretty good otherwise.

And it sounds like your wedding plans are quite big (and I'm not being judgey about that, I had a decent sized wedding myself) and so I do think it would be worth postponing or bringing it forward, just to ensure you will be 100% mentally and physically "yourself" on the day.

DeoGratias · 18/02/2016 11:01

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