AIBU to think I can get married with a tiny baby?

[queenoftheworld93]

So DP and I are getting married in December. All booked and (partially) paid for. Were planning on a few nights somewhere unusual for our honeymoon but it isn't booked yet.

However, a couple of days ago we found out I'm pregnant. We weren't trying any more so it was a big shock. If online calculators are to be trusted, baby is due in October. It would be around 9 weeks old for the wedding. We have already sent out the save the dates.

Aibu to hope we can do this without changing the date? Just for info: hoping to bf, cannot bring the wedding closer for financial reasons, and I am buying my dress from an outlet store (hopefully minimal appointments/alterations). What do you all think?

DS was 9 weeks when DH and I got married: it was fine! He slept in a car seat most of the day, and was cuddled and carried by all and sundry the rest of the time. I had a quick delivery and not too much baby weight to lose, but was genuinely ok. The only faff was bf in a wedding dress (but I didn't have the whole big proper wedding dress anyway)

Whoever said FF would be a hassle - not with bottles of pre made formula it isn't.

CONGRATULATIONS!
I got married when 18 weeks pregnant at registry office very small (10 guests) and then out for a meal. We have planned to have a reception afterwards for all other guests (not happened yet 9 years later!!) but if its all booked you could maybe postpone it for a few months! A four month old baby is easier than a new one or a toddler!!

If you want to have a lovely big do like you've described, then I'd postpone.
You might be fine, but, in all honestly there are just are too many "unpredictables" that you have no control over. If you were nipping to a registry office then going for a pub lunch with 15 of you, then that would be different, but it sounds like you are doing the much more traditional big function which I certainly couldn't have done when my dc1 was only 9 weeks old - well, not enjoyed - which is what you want from your wedding day.

it's very hard to say how the shock of the first baby will hit you. If it was your second I'd say no problem, but dc1's birth was a shock, she was late and a rough birth. I'm sure you can muddle through but whether it's what you'd have wanted with hindsight depends on a lot of variables - attitude is important but even the most confident people can struggle with the first dc. Personally I'd get married earlier or later.

Congratulations! I got married when DS was 10 weeks old, it was fine, he slept through most of the day!

I think if your wedding plans are laid back and the day is flexible, and you and DP can go with the flow, I think it'll be fine.

Ensuring your dress is well fitting and is altered for BF access (breast milk leaks and often leaves a nasty tide mark too so watch for that). A close friend to be on baby duty if needed. If your day is really chilled then it's perfectly possible to nip off to feed, or sit and have baby cuddles and people come to you.

We went to a close family member's wedding when DS was 8-9wks. He slept loads in his buggy and I just parked him up. I wore him in a sling for a bit too (might you consider a white fabric sling??).

If you really want to do it you will manage. Do you have some friend and family support for last minute wedding plans etc while you're busy with the baby?

"Not technically a bastard" oh my goodness my sides! Thank you for the laugh! Not worried about baby being a bastard, I attended my own parents wedding at less than a year old. And survived. They've been married ever since so it can't be that bad!

If this was a second baby I might as I knew more what to expect. I felt great in pregnancy and then had god awful PND so I'm very glad that DH and I waited a while to get married so I felt more human. With that many unknowns unless it was a really low key wedding then I would put it off.

Also you will find it very hard to get a "normal" dress and BF.
My bridesmaid was BF and decided to express and bottle feed the day of my wedding rather than faff with her dress.

Would you lose lots of cash if you postpone?

purplecrazyhorse friends and family we are not short of. We have parents, grandparents, siblings and friends who I all know would love to help.

However it is important to think about the possibility of c-section, post-partum depression etc. It's impossible to know how well be with our first

Ds1 was 11 weeks old when we got married. It was great. Loads of people to help look after him. It was also great that people didn't visit in the first few weeks as they were coming for wedding ( but then we had christmas 4 weeks after he was born, moved house when he was 9 weeks old and went to a wedding the same weekend we moved !!!)

Vague there are loads of benefits from expressing, not only does it stimulate your supply (as long as baby is on boob too!) but it guarantees a stash for later use.

It doesn't work for everyone, but it sounds like it would be beneficial in this situation.

It is a huge amount of extra work but OP could express it up for even a month and would have plenty stashed for LO during and around the time of wedding.

Calleigh - I have been known to post wine night night out express. Its peace of mind at the end of the day.

It's probably doable.

My reservations would be
A) the dress given that you don't really have a clue what shape or size you'll be - have a reliable alteration specialist on speeddial.
B) the possibility of PND - not much you can do about this one
C) last minute wedding arrangements that will crop in the nightmarishly sleep deprived period 2 to 4 weeks post partum. Have a really good best man and chief bridesmaid deputed to deal with that stuff.

i'd also be terrified about the horrendous amount of baby clothes you'll get deluged with if you get married and see everyone you know at 9 weeks PP!! hahhaha :)

Congratulations!

The problem is, you may be absolutely fine, you may not be. You may sail through pregnancy, have a nice easy labour and get a very calm baby who feeds and sleeps like a pro. You may have complications, end up with a caesarean and have a baby with nasty acid reflux who screams like a banshee every second of the day.

Absolutely no way would I have been wanting to have a wedding at 9 weeks with either of my two, we struggled going to someone else's wedding when my youngest was 6 months, though at that same wedding we met someone who'd managed to leave their 9 week old baby with parents for the day as she took a bottle well and already slept though the night (we were so jealous!).

I guess you really need to think about what support you've got close by and how involved you want to be in last minute wedding preparations. If you've got lots of helpful family around and don't mind letting other people take over a bit then you may be okay. Personally I wouldn't risk it.

Not technically a bastard? Are we posting from the 1950s today?

However it is important to think about the possibility of c-section, post-partum depression etc. It's impossible to know how well be with our first

Yep. Impossible!

Fact of the matter is this: the only way you can GUARANTEE your wedding will be without all the unpredictable stressors of a newborn is to hold the wedding earlier or later than planned. I really think that's your best option. Good luck with deciding

This entirely depends on the temperament of your baby. I couldn't have.

We went to a wedding with 9 week old DD, she screamed for most of it - wouldn't sleep or be held by anyone other than us. It was very stressful. She remains intense to this day

Her cousin who is the same age, was an angel and was happily passed around - ate, napped and was a joy.

Their temperament is the one thing you can't predict!

I think a lot depends on your personality and how you view your wedding. If you are a perfectionist, have an exact image in your head about how things should look, and go, and care deeply about things like wedding favours/flower arrangements/your dress/who stands where when and how all the photos need to look then I'd bring forward or put back.

If you are a more laid back type, wanting to have a lovely but more relaxed day with family and friends, I think you'll be OK but make sure the things that are important to you are organised before the baby arrives - you won't want to be running around organising things in the month before.

Oh and congratulations on your pregnancy

I couldnt cope with the What Ifs. Id pull it forward. I get that the date is important to dh but honestly you will be giving birth and that is important too - your comfort at your own wedding.

The thing is, anything can happen before Anybody's wedding. My brother got married last year. Wedding planned for 18 months. His dad died the day before. It was unexpected. He'd been given three months to live after going to doc feeling ill 3 WEEKS previously. My lovely friend's wedding (at which she had her three month old baby who mostly slept in her pram) but her mum couldnt attend as she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer and on the day was not fit to even make the 5 minute walk (so min in the car) to the venue.

I haemorrhaged after my ds was born. Needed surgery and a blood transfusion. And a week on hospital. Ds caught an infection while we were in there. But by 6 weeks i was back to normal. He was my second. My first was a totally problem and drug free home birth.

Theres no guarantees of anything.

I'd pull it forward or delay.

I think it will seriously seriously impact on your enjoyment of the day and your ability to feel good and relax. It is brutal and exhausting being a first time mother, particularly if you are breast feeding.

You have no idea what shape your body will be in - what if you've had a tear or a c-section, and probably won't feel in good shape. I don't care what anyone says, but I think all brides - no matter how big or small the wedding is - want to feel beautiful on their big day.

Yes, babies are resilient and very portable at that age, but it's not the baby I'd be worried about!!

Congratulations. You are so lucky, OP. I would love to be getting married and having children, family and friends. Oh well, I can dream.

Basically, I imagine it comes down to the kind of wedding you want.

If you had always imagined having the dress of your dreams, a big event, all very perfect and home you imagined it, then you may find it very difficult when things go wrong. So if you don't fit in your dress, don't feel comfortable how you look, know you'd hate it if you leaked over your dress in the middle of your vows, would be upset if you were too tired to talk to everyone, it could be a difficult experience.

If you just want to get married and have a party, and don't really mind what dress you're wearing or if you're still carrying baby weight, whether you spend most of the day sitting down breastfeeding, if you say your vows holding a crying baby, if you don't get to dance or eat much because you are tired or your baby is unsettled, then you will still have a wonderful day regardless.

Because realistically yes, you could still be physically recovering from the birth, hormonal, sleep deprived and with a very unsettled baby. You could have feeding issues which mean you'd rather feed away from the crowd.

Personally I would do it, as presumably your wedding day will be full of family and close friends who you would like to support you anyway and so you will have all the help you need, whether it is to hold the baby or to fetch and carry while you feed all day.

If you're happy to think "I could be an exhausted mess with a screaming baby but it doesn't matter, I'm getting married" then go for it.

Equally, you have every chance of an easy birth or recovery, a chilled baby who feeds happily, and feel great about it all! You just need to imagine how happy you'll be during a sort of worst case scenario birth.

I'd keep the date.

I had a c section and spent the week in hospital, but you'd be extremely unlucky not to be well over it by 6 weeks pp.

You could change it for earlier or later, but I personally found pregnancy MUCH worse than having a baby, and who's to say your baby at 10 months old would be easier than your baby at 9 weeks? Once they're over 6 months you're pushing a spoon at them what feels like all day AS WELL as breastfeeding, so really that's no easier. Wait 'til they're mostly off milk and by then they're probably mobile. Before you know it they're a toddler. Don't put life on hold.

Everyone told me how brutal and exhausting motherhood would be; how knackered I'd be, how awful I'd look and feel; but no-one mentioned how ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL it would be too, and how it would completely change your priorities in an instant. Knackered, flabby-bellied, unkempt and stressed, even on my wedding day (not the wedding I've had though, that was awful, but one to someone I actually liked for example), I would not have given two damns. I actually think the idea of bf your beautiful baby at the top table next to your new husband and the father of your child would be BEAUTIFUL. You would have the most precious wedding photos ever, even if the day went by in a bit of a blur :P