AIBU to think I can get married with a tiny baby?

[queenoftheworld93]

So DP and I are getting married in December. All booked and (partially) paid for. Were planning on a few nights somewhere unusual for our honeymoon but it isn't booked yet.

However, a couple of days ago we found out I'm pregnant. We weren't trying any more so it was a big shock. If online calculators are to be trusted, baby is due in October. It would be around 9 weeks old for the wedding. We have already sent out the save the dates.

Aibu to hope we can do this without changing the date? Just for info: hoping to bf, cannot bring the wedding closer for financial reasons, and I am buying my dress from an outlet store (hopefully minimal appointments/alterations). What do you all think?

Dd is 10 weeks and I'm half horrified half envious! I wouldn't personally but that's mainly because we have 0 support, I could see it being doable with lots of willing hands.

All or nothing I reckon, if you do decide to go ahead then make it as easy on yourself as possible and get as much as possible done well before your due date and know exactly who is responsible for anything after (delegate, delegate, delegate). If you literally just have to focus on getting yourself there and enjoying the day I think it's doable even with a grouchy baby (says she whose managed to leave the house alone precisely three times!).

My one bit of advice would be to try and get used to, your baby on the bottle either with formula or em before the day. Maybe from 6 weeks with one feed a day? Not all babies will take a bottle and it gives you time to work out a plan b (cup feeding/timing feeds).

I have no advice for a holiday though - that's beyond me right now - I need easy access to my fridge and kettle and to be able to wander around looking battered!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and wedding

Just realised this is your first baby, absolutely no way ! It is a shock to the system having a baby, no way should you get married 9 weeks after. Postpone otherwise you will wonder why you put yourself through it

I would advise you not to rush into making any big decisions like cancelling or changing the date just yet. Wait until you have reached 12 weeks and had the scan.
Just basing this on my personal experience that a positive pregnancy test does not guarantee a baby 8 months later xx

Yeah GailLondon we will not be making any proper plans till we are reasonably sure there is even anything to change it for.

I think your DP may feel disappointed with having to shift the date but realistically, it's not him who:

• could be hormonally all over the shop
• could not fit into his wedding outfit
• could very possibly still be bleeding
• could possibly leak BM all over his wedding outfit
• will be sleep-deprived (if you BF)
• could be suffering from PND

I think there's a lot more to consider than feelings here. I'd NEVER have done this, I can tell you that much.

I would have hated that with DD1 but would have been ok with DD2- just had an easier delivery and recovered quicker (she is 13 weeks now and would thrive at a wedding). I went to a wedding where the couple had two month old twins who slept quietly in the corner, though they were bottle fed and her mother was able to do the feeding for her.

Do what feels right for you, but if you do go ahead you absolutely must have eberything planned and ready to go as you want want to be making decisions about flowers etc with a newborn. Make sure everything is prepared and labelled so you can forget about it. good luck!

Risky. Agree with poster upthread that if it has to be that particular date, you're safest doing it in 2017 instead. With the caveat that waiting until 12 week scan before making concrete plans is best, as Gail says.

I mean, you'll probably be ok. Most women could get through it at 11 weeks post due date, which could be anything from 9 to 14 weeks post partum with a term baby. Potentially even less if you would choose expectant management over induction should you reach 42 weeks. But you only have to be a bit unlucky. I'd have been ok with one of mine, though exhausted, and with the other it would've floored me. The latter, admittedly, involved EMCS, baby briefly in special care, SPD and, in retrospect, some postnatal anxiety. But none of those things are that unusual. You only have to be a bit unlucky to go overdue and have a difficult birth, or one that doesn't sleep, or an infection in your stitches or boob that sets you back a couple of weeks. It's just a lot of money and effort to be expending on something that you'd almost certainly enjoy much more a year later.

Also tbh I think the majority of women don't feel physically at their best 9-14 weeks after due date. You might deflate immediately, some people do, but even then you probably will have looked better. I would have felt very under confident being the focus of such attention when I, objectively speaking, looked as unattractive as I ever had. But you might be less shallow than me.

Hmm - I'm not sure about this. I actually got married when DS2 was 12 weeks old but we only booked the date when he was 9 weeks. We were intending on it being tiny but it snowballed and in the end had 25 at a small ceremony/meal and then a party/hogroast/fire for a lot more people at ours a few days later.

It was lovely but we did it because everything was good and I felt well and up to it. I would be very hesitant about planning it that far ahead as you don't know how you will feel. Especially as it's your first. With DD I had had a caesarian and felt dreadful for ages.

Congratulations by the way!

I'd push it back or get wedding insurance but I'm a worrier. It could be prefect, if u have baby on time and every things fine. Or there could be complications which keep one or both of you in hospital after birth

I don't think wedding insurance will cover you now for anything baby related.

I would change the date. It's not impossible and it might be fine but it might also be awful for all the reasons mentioned above - why take the risk?

Oh don't do all that expressing on top of feeding from birth as suggested by a pp. It's a recipe for terrible oversupply as you'll be telling your body to produce twice as much milk as your baby actually needs.

God no.
I was still swollen from water retention, couldn't walk from spd, still bleeding, I had those stretch mark blisters that itch like crazy, my hair was falling out...
Why would you want to feel like that on your wedding day? You'll regret it forever if you don't feel right on such a big day. Plus I wouldn't have wanted my 9 week old being passed around by everyone.
Also worth thinking about if there are any complications. Me and my little one didn't even get out of hospital till she was 7 weeks old.

I would definitely postpone. It might be fine of course, but there are too many unknowns.

At 9 weeks pp I was still in a lot of pain and had to walk with crutches due to terrible SPD. I also had truly horrendous post partum acne all over my face, chest and back (having never had spots in my life prior to pregnancy) which no amount of make up would cover. Because of my SPD and other complications I was pretty much immobile for most of my pregnancy so put on more weight than I had anticipated (having never had weight issues previously) and struggled to shift it until my SPD had gone and I could exercise again. I am genuinely not a vain person but I would have absolutely detested the idea of even attending a wedding as a guest, let alone getting married myself in that state.

You also cannot predict what sort of baby you are going to have. At that age DD was very laid back, slept for long stretches between feeds and was quite happy to sit in a bouncer or be passed around by various friends/relatives. She would have been absolutely fine at a wedding at 9 weeks old, in fact I'm sure she would have loved it. On the other hand, my friend's baby who was born around the same time would scream anytime he wasn't being held by his DM or fed (still every couple of hours at that point) and wouldn't tolerate a bouncer, carseat or being in a sling for more than a few minutes. He would only sleep on his DM and when he cried the only way they could get him to stop was to drive him around in the car.

I'd bring forward or delay. You had me at "wedding co ordinator"!! If a wedding is big enough to require one you don't want to be 9 weeks post partum. I think your baby would be fine, they're portable and sleepy at that age, but I doubt you'd enjoy the day.
-You won't be able to have the dress you want
-Logistics on the day if you're bf. What if your baby wants to be fed just before the speeches or the meal...or the ceremony?
-I'd like to have a drink at my wedding. It's perfectly safe to drink with bf but after so long off one glass of champagne left me feeling a bit pissed. Id also probably quite like to have sex too and that's by no means a given at 9 weeks pp!
-I would not want to spend any time as a brand new mum thinking about organising a wedding. My friend had her second 4 weeks ago, she's a brilliant, organised and laid back person but at the moment she's at various bf cafes and Tt clinics every day. I think she'd think twice about attending a wedding let alone getting married in 3 weeks.
-Stitches, hormones,bleeding......
I just don't think it would be very nice tbh. My kind of wedding would be parents at registry office followed by a curry- that would be do-able but anything involving expensive dresses etc i would say no.

If I were you and being married is the most important thing I'd do registry office with parents first and a big do in a year or so when you can enjoy it more. Congratulations!

Yes ds was not sleepy and portable at that age he was clingy, feedy and screamy unless on me !

I got married when dd was 8 weeks old. It was great, she slept for a great deal of it.
Apart from the ceremony, when my twin had her, I had her with me.
I didn't have a photographer, so there was no pressure to look picture perfect. I wouldn't have had a photographer anyway though, it was nothing to do with having a layer of baby fat.

Honestly. ..no. There is a completely realistic chance that you will have had almost no sleep the night before. And very littl3 sleep in the previous weeks. You won't enjoy having a big event to think about . Put it off for a year.

For many there is a dip in excitement etc a month or so after having a baby as the novelty wears off for guests etc, this could be very special for you all. I would cut down guest numbers to a minimum, have a room on hand for nappy changing, get a boob accessible dress, a decent sling and be ready to hand baby round for lots of cuddles. And comfy shoes.

Or postpone for a year, but I would go for sticking with it and making it baby friendly.

We got married 11 weeks after our DS was born, it was lovely as all the extended family got to meet him, however it was hard, DS had horrific reflux, (and we subsequently found a dairy intolerance), and wasnt sleeping.

He was bottle fed as after a huge haemorrhage, my milk didnt come in until the day before the wedding (hormonal) .My boobs are very prominent in every photo. I was knackered and our wedding night non existant!

The only advice i can offer if you are set on the date is make sure you have someone you trust to have the baby, who isnt going to get pissed ( thanks mum ) factor in breaks to feed the baby, and if possible a sleep for you in between ceremony and reception.

Personally, if i could do it again i would have delayed by another 6 months, but we had people travelling from abroad so were stuck with tying un school holiday dates!

My first baby was very difficult and my second was late and a c section.
But I actually think I could have got married 9 / 7 weeks later with either of them as long as I had people around to help out.
Go for a forgiving dress and try to grab as much sleep as you can in the few days before hand and power through on the day!
You'll be great

I wouldn't wear white at 7/8 weeks postpartum. If you don't bleed on your dress, your boobs will leak on it, or your baby will vom on it, or have a lovely poonami on it.

The dress linked above will make you look like you're still pregnant, BTW - don't underestimate how long it takes for your tummy to flatten again.

I would postpone.

Queen - that also differs between people. At 10 weeks I was wearing white bikinis in Vietnam with ds2. Both times I was straight back into size 6/8 by 1-2 weeks also. I defiantly could have married at that point. By then I was back to normal life just with baby in a sling also

I was my sisters bridesmaid when DC1 was 12 weeks old. The original dress we had bought for me to wear (even though it was a size larger than my pre-pregnancy size) did not fit me from the midriff up because my boobs were more than 1 dress size larger.

Nothing off the peg fitted as I was so top heavy so we ended up making one to fit! (as I was the only bridesmaid it wasn't a problem)

I think whatever dress you choose it could be a lottery whether it fits or not if your little one is only around 7-10 weeks old.

I was straight back into my pre-birth size at 4 weeks. It took months for my shape to return back to normal. My boobs were HUGE. And my stomach was very wobbly.

That might have had something to do with the endless amounts of cake I ate whilst feeding DD. Possibly.

And the fact that I was approaching 40.

Getting older sucks.

I am also getting married in December, DS will be 2 and 4 months and I'm already pre empting him gate crashing our vows

I think a 9 week old will be no problem, lots of cuddles from your families or popped into the pram for a sleep. They're nice and portable and not really in a proper routine that will be disrupted.

Congratulations x 2! (wedding and baby, I'm not mystic meg and trying to tell you you're having twins )

I ebf and at Christmas had a 9 week old baby, was sick of wearing bf tops and had a beautiful dress I wanted to wear Christmas eve. So expressed and took formula for when it ran out. Had 8 hours not feeding (had to express as soon as home) but dd was none the worse, family got to feed her, and I got to feel normal again. So I'd go for it!