AIBU to think I can get married with a tiny baby?

[queenoftheworld93]

So DP and I are getting married in December. All booked and (partially) paid for. Were planning on a few nights somewhere unusual for our honeymoon but it isn't booked yet.

However, a couple of days ago we found out I'm pregnant. We weren't trying any more so it was a big shock. If online calculators are to be trusted, baby is due in October. It would be around 9 weeks old for the wedding. We have already sent out the save the dates.

Aibu to hope we can do this without changing the date? Just for info: hoping to bf, cannot bring the wedding closer for financial reasons, and I am buying my dress from an outlet store (hopefully minimal appointments/alterations). What do you all think?

I got married when DS1 was 8 weeks. Was completely fine and I bf. Just make sure the dress lends itself to feeding congratulations

Also I've got a 12 week old baby now and remember 8 weeks better than some and it isn't all doom and gloom. In fact, its one of the best times because they're still a scrummy newborn, stay still when you put them down etc, but you tend to of settled down into what you're doing!

I would have probably been well able for it with DS2, who was a textbook "easy baby", however at that age with DS1 I had both raging PND and terrible oversupply which meant I leaked EVERYWHERE and would have got blocked ducts if I even thought about missing a feed, plus the world's clingiest infant. It really depends on how birth/early babyhood goes.

So much will depend on luck the delivery you get and the baby you get. My DD was 2 weeks late had horrendous delivery and she failed to thrive. I was horribly anaemia and 7 weeks after her birth I could barely string two sentences together.
No one can predict what will happen with you, your birth and your baby.
You maybe someone who just surviving the day and being married is sufficient. Equally that experience could be the worst thing that could happen. If you fall into the second category I would rearrange for another date.

My son is 10 weeks and ive only just started feeling like going out and about a wedding would have just done me in and id be feeling way too pressured to enjoy it. But everyone is different.

I'd say it would be fine, as long as you get someone to field all the annoying wedding related questions for you beforehand. I had an emcs and healed very slowly but I went to a conference when mine was 4 weeks old. (I realise a wedding and a conference are nothing alike but just for comparison!) I couldn't walk very far and stairs hurt but it was fine.

In comparison, I went to 2 weddings when I was pregnant and had hyperemesis and they were awful. Had to leave one after an hour

Also the PP's suggestion about pumping loads in the early days and then not feeding at all during the wedding sounds like a recipe for potential mastitis - tell your body you need twice as much milk as you're naturally producing for baby and then suddenly don't feed/pump at all for a day? Yeaaaarrrghhhh.

It's impossible to predict. I'd a great pregnancy and textbook birth. Was flying it for about a fortnight.
Then I was blindsided by PND and anxiety and after 10 weeks I was a total mess.
You can't predict how you'll be.

I think if this thread tells you anything OP, it's that you can't possibly know whether you'll be up to it. Postpartum recovery is a very, very wide spectrum. There are people who could run off to the circus to be trapeze artists and climb Kilimanjaro at 14 or even 9 weeks, there are people who were still housebound and oozing from every orifice. So the issue is how comfortable you are with taking the risk.

I got married two weeks and six days after an emergency c section- best day of my life and the photos are beautiful!

Not rtft but I tend to find MN a bit blasé about anything to do with babies.... Lots of "oh they'll just sleep all day, you'll be fine, I was up and doing the school run 3 hours after the birth etc etc"

Personally I would postpone. I had a very traumatic delivery and could hardly walk for 2-3 months, a baby with 75% tongue tie who cluster fed 24/7....reflux/cmpa and colic....who would SCREAM and not sleep!!!! She would not be held/settled by anyone else so I wore her constantly in a sling. I was a zombie, and suffering from anxiety. Not to mention how your first baby hits you like a ton of bricks! I didn't really come out the other side until 4-5 months.

Of course you may not experience any of that!!! In sure you won't. Not trying to scare you, just give you the other side of the coin.

My wedding day was the best day of my life. In your position I would bring in forward if possible to the second trimester. Then you can have a baby moon/honeymoon!

Tiffanyrose does some lovely maternity/breastfeeding wedding dresses FYI

I had a perfect birth and a baby with no colic of reflux who slept through from birth but still got PND so you can't tell

I flew to Barbados on my own with a 7 week old bf baby. It was pretty easy as he was so portable and would sleep anywhere, any time.

I'd much prefer a wedding with a tiny baby than a toddler- maybe just don't put too many expectations on yourself re clothes/ timings etc

My friends had their son at their wedding who was around the same age- he was formula fed though but I don't think it would be a big deal popping a supportive bra on under wedding dress.

Good luck and congratulations :)

I've had two slow recovery births (EMCS and bad tear) but by 9 weeks I was feeling quite human and wanting to so things. 6 weeks is quite a big milestone for most.

Empire line dresses are quite forgiving. I has one when I was a BM and TTC to avoid a last minute wardrobe crisis (it turned out I was 6 weeks, so it paid off for bloat coverage).

Everyone is different, but at 9 weeks the odds are in your favour.

Not the bride but went to weddings when Ds 1 and Dd2 were 6 weeks. Involved long distance travel and overnight hotels in both cases . Wasfine .Was ebf quite frequently but had suitable dress(accomodated post baby bulge) and was never a leaker .Was nearly killed in the rush to hold a new born (most of my friends by then had school age children) and hardly saw DDs apart from feeding them

you can do anything you want x

I got married December just fine with a 4 month old. I was bottle feeding him though so didn't need to worry about feeding with the dress.
It was fine. He was only on milk, happy to sit in his car seat and happy to be passed around and cuddle by the several dozen relatives eager to meet him.
He is my second so we planned it before he was mobile and eating solids as its way more hassle then!
We all had a lovely time

See, 4 months would probably be fine. That can be a lovely age.

Dd1 I would have been fine to get married/do pretty much anything when she was nine weeks old. I had an easy pg and although I was sore after delivery I would have been ok at nine weeks, she was a brilliant baby, ebf and slept 12 hours through at night at that age. I wondered what everyone was moaning about . Fast forward to ds. He never slept. Physically I was healed, but I struggled to Find the energy to walk down the stairs in the morning, let alone make it down the aisle. I wouldn't have even wanted to be a guest at a wedding during that time. Dd2 was 2 months old at christmas. I remember when she about 1 month old saying to a friend I thought I was coping really well. Fast forward three weeks i was struggling to keep up with everything I had to do for Christmas and with a new born to look after. I'm not sure I could have planned the kind of wedding I wanted in that time, pulling chrsitmas together was hard enough.
I've written this to show that you can't tell if you will cope until the time comes. It spends on so many variables you won't know until the time comes if it will be for you.

If you do go for it, try to get everything done early (invites/order of service/photo lists/thank you card stationary/table plans/etc. it will be far easier to get things done while you are pg than in the first couple of weeks when you will be wanting to focus on baby.

I think it would be lovely, you could get a special sling for baby that matches your dress and keep him/her close, they'll probably sleep loads.

Plus relatives/friends will be falling over themselves to hold baby.

On your wedding day you have super powers. Everything goes your way. My 2.5 year old napped 3 times and went to sleep in her buggy at the reception. She never napped or went to bed before 10pm and even then she would only go down if we co-slept. Super powers.

It's a long thread so I've skipped to the end.
Massive congratulations OP, how wonderful that you're going to have a baby.

Lots of personal accounts which dwell on the negatives. From my own experience it would've been a wonderful time to have a big and happy celebration. I was on an adrenalin high for so long after I had DC1. Glowing, full of energy and totally in love with the world. I hadn't put on loads of weight or changed shape too drastically, I was a few odd pounds heavier, but easily disguised. So, there you are, it can go either way.

Talk it over and if you decide to go ahead, enlist loads and loads of help

I got married and my baby was 12 weeks old. Our wedding was all booked and deposits paid for when we found out so we still went ahead with the big wedding we'd planned had a five day honeymoon in spin without the baby (broke my heart) but looking back at all the photos they revolved around him and I love that he was there with us for our special day

My dd was 9 weeks when I got married. Had a fab day but lots of supportive family to help. Looking back though I had absolutely huge boobs in my wedding photos

Oh we also had a close friends sister come to the hotel and take the baby to our room at 7pm so he wasn't around all the drinking and loud music was so nice of the girl to offer and I still appriciate it. If you could have someone you could trust that isn't close enough to be at the wedding to come and be a 'nanny' for the day?