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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

549 replies

DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence · 13/02/2016 08:50

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

OP posts:
SharkBastard · 13/02/2016 08:51

So an entrance fee to your wedding :/

Choughed · 13/02/2016 08:52

It's a little odd to me. Why don't you just charge for drinks after a certain time?

OwlinaTree · 13/02/2016 08:52

That sounds fine to me, most weddings have a bar and you have to pay for drinks, I'd spend a lot more than £10!

Savagebeauty · 13/02/2016 08:52

Sorry I think that's incredibly tight.

ovenchips · 13/02/2016 08:52

If I am honest it would make me huff and puff. I would rather have a pay bar.

SellFridges · 13/02/2016 08:53

That's weird. I have been to weddings which have had a (charity) honesty box. Perhaps you could dispose of the charity element of you really had to.

Otherwise I don't know how your idea would work. Will you dish out wristbands like they do at all inclusive resorts?

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 13/02/2016 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/02/2016 08:54

I would cringe so badly. A wedding is your day;.guests should not be expected to pay for it. Yabu and I think you'd lose guests by doing so.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 13/02/2016 08:54

No you cannot charge guests to attend your wedding. You are the HOST of your wedding, which means you pay.

x2boys · 13/02/2016 08:54

Tight savage ? If you were to go 5o a reception in s hotel drinks would cost a damn sight more than £10.

JizzyStradlin · 13/02/2016 08:55

No, just have a paid bar and/or ask for cash. Which makes MN go twitchy, but in the real world is increasingly common even in the Anglo world and the norm in many cultures outside it.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 13/02/2016 08:55

No i don't think you can do this. It's just seems really rude. Far better to have some money behind the bar so everyone can have a couple of free drinks but pay for additional drinks after that if they want to.

derektheladyhamster · 13/02/2016 08:55

I'd think it was good value, but its not really wedding etiquette.

How many guests? I think I'd stump up the extra grand

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 13/02/2016 08:55

My gut reaction is no. i don't think you can say that all drinks are free and then charge people for them. No.
Also £5 on non-alcoholic drinks per person seems a huge amount. What are you providing that costs that much per person?

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 13/02/2016 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Daryan · 13/02/2016 08:55

If you can't afford a wedding, change your expectations or save up more. Do not ask people to pay for it for you.

Katenka · 13/02/2016 08:56

And what if people don't pay?

Honestly I think this is an awful idea.

I get that people would pay more if it wasn't a free bar. But this doesn't sit right with me.

It's not a free bar. It's a subsidised bar.

I have seen weddings that will put a set amount behind the bar and when it's gone people have to buy their own.

Maybe you could do that if finances are a problem.

dulcefarniente · 13/02/2016 08:56

Seems a bit weird tbh. Are you going to police it? If you can't afford a free bar save yourself the hassle and just let guests buy their own drinks.

GissASquizz · 13/02/2016 08:56

Don't do it.

TattieHowkerz · 13/02/2016 08:56

No. Better to have first drink or two free, then a pay bar.

MonkeyPJs · 13/02/2016 08:56

I just wouldn't have an open bar rather than charge people in advance.

It's odd to me as some people would drink a lot, and others wouldn't.

Why not just allow for everyone to have say 3 free drinks then pay after that - that way at least the cost will fall on the people who are actually drinking

AuldYow · 13/02/2016 08:57

Gosh, there's no way I could charge an entrance fee to a wedding. Also some adults may drink a couple of glasses others their body weight in alcohol.

It's either a free bar all day or the traditional couple of glasses plus toast with meal then buy your own.

BubsandMoo · 13/02/2016 08:57

Why not just have a pay bar instead, provide wine on the tables, soft drinks free, if people want other alcoholic drinks they can buy them. Or free bar until 10 or something. Just seems a lot more acceptable and straightforward. Also how are you going to police if people only paid £5 but then decide they want a drink on the night? What if people turn up and haven't put their tenner in the kitty, are you going to enforce water on them all night?

Just seems a lot of hassle.

JasperDamerel · 13/02/2016 08:57

If your budget is that tight, I would either scale down the event, go with a pay bar or serve soft drinks and ask guests to bring a bottle if they want alcohol.

Shirkingfromhome · 13/02/2016 08:58

I'd really advise against this. Set a limit behind the bar and when it runs out then guests will have to pay. I'd advise against announcing a free-bar too or it'll get hammered with lots of half- drank drinks everywhere.

Or invite less people so you can afford a free bar for those you really want there.