To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

The clue as to why YABU is in your thread title - the word is "guests". Guests don't get charged any fees, if they do they are customers and you are selling tickets not sending invitations.

Of course it's fine to not subsidise all your guests unlimited drinking so it's perfectly normal and reasonable to have a pay bar for some of the event (having provided a reasonable amount) or negotiate a corkage charge with the venue so you can say BYOB

How do you plan on policing it? Someone may have a ridiculous amount of alcohol whilst some may just have 2 glasses of wine as that is their preference.

Will you be paying the difference? So they would pay the £10 and you put the rest behind the bar? Also is it per person or invitation, I don't think I would be comfortable doing that. And if someone asked me I wouldn't be happy either!

I wouldn't recommend it. I've been a wedding planner and I've never known a wedding to request guests send a 'contribution' with their RSVP. Tbh guests moan about everything from the distance they've had to travel to how much it's cost them to attend to whether the food/speeches/disco/flow of the day etc was up to scratch, I've heard it all! I would never recommend a 'free bar' unless you have a substantial budget, guests see 'free bar' and go completely over the top, order drinks and put them down and instead of returning to their drink just order another one! You'll be surprised the number of couples that will say 'my friends and family would never do that if we're paying' and are horrified after the wedding at the size of their bar bill, how hammered their guests were and the amount of drinks they saw being wasted. I would opt for a pay bar and give each guest a token or two/three whatever you can afford and want to do, each token is for a drink and you normally state (or the bar staff will) a token is for a pint of beer, glass of wine, single shot not a glass of champagne or doubles etc.

I'd totally pay a tenner for all you can drink for free. I'd still probably think you a cheeky cunt, and the tenner would be your wedding present

I've actually never been to a wedding where drinks are free, other than maybe one glass to toast the couple.

Far more acceptable to have a welcome drink and toast provided alongside a pay bar. I think you either have a free bar or a pay bar. While your idea would be better value for guest that paying bar prices it is rather odd.

Dontforgetthelight

Well ok I'll take your word for it.

In that case, oh my God are you being unreasonable! And I am not someone offended by couples asking for cash towards honeymoon for gifts etc.

But by presenting it as a ticket for entry, no way. I actually don't think I'd go. Or I'd think it was a joke and send some wildly inappropriate jokey reply back .

As most others have said just have a paying bar. I've been to 20 zillion weddings and half of them have had paying bar after the food and speeches (where wine was served complementary).

The trick is not to outwardly and blatantly say 'give us money so we can have a wedding', it's to cut back subtly where you can and in ways that people understand and won't be offended by!

Is this a reverse?

Assuming it's legit, YABU. I am actually cringing and blushing for you OP.

Please don't do it. I would rather have a pay bar than do this.

Christ! When did weddings become so complicated and why in earth are guests being brought into the financial planning of it?

OP this is how it goes. You decide to get married and so you look at yours and your spouse-to-be's income/available funds and you use that figure to plan your wedding.

You DO NOT take into account the financial situation of your guests when planning your wedding. They shouldnt be involved. It isnt a co-operative! You plan the wedding you can afford and then you send out invitations.

To be clear DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR GUESTS IN THE FINANCIAL PLANNING OF YOUR WEDDING.

AIBU? yes

I think anyone who needs to consider asking for 'contributions', in whatever format, needs to face up to the fact that they can't afford the wedding they want.

If you need people to pay for their own drinks then you should have a cash bar where people can pay for what they want.

And if you can't afford to give yours guest a drink an hour, you shouldn't be inviting them. IMHO

Should also have said you can create really nice vouchers which state 'this voucher entitles you to a beer, glass of wine, single shot with mixer' etc... and either send out before the wedding and ask guests to bring with them on the day or have an usher hand them out to guests as they arrive depending on the size of your wedding.

Most weddings I have been to have given everyone:

one glass of sparkly wine/ soft drink at the start;
a couple bottles wine/ soft drink at the table;

• but then a pay bar.

I agree with the previous poster who said that if people think drink is "free" they will go mad at the bar and you will get half-drunk drinks everywhere (and prob drunk people) which is a waste and will end up being more expensive.

Or do it and accept everyone will grumble behind your back and resent the whole day and talk about the awful time 'where we had to pay for the wedding' for the next 20 years.

Goodness no. I am marrying in May, having a cream tea after the ceremony and serving supermarket (but very decent, well reviewed prossecco by the bucketload). Will also be providing lashings of soft drinks. We are having a bbq later but then it's a paid bar for evening drinks. I'd be mortified ssking for money like that.

janey how wonderful!!

I understand what you are saying and in theory it could be a reasonable idea. However my philosophy on everything is 'keep it simple'. This ideas would soon get out of hand. People would phone you with alternative ideas 'I know you said a fiver but would it be alright.......' ' Can I pay you on the night' ' I paid you a tenner but I couldn't make the wedding, can I have it back?' Honestly, in my opinion it is more hassle than it is worth.

I'd put some money behind the bar but say when it's gone it's gone and people pay for their own. Keep it simple op and people won't be offended by that. If you can't afford to put money behind the bar then just don't say anything - I think most people these days expect to pay for bar drinks.

Katenka I'm assuming the OP wants to get the money in beforehand so that there doesn't need to be someone collecting the money in on the day. However then you have the problem of what you do if people don't cough up. Do you chase them on the day? Ban them from drinking? How will the bar staff know who has paid £10, £5, £0? If you let people off without paying how are those people who did pay going to feel when they find out about it? Which of course they will as it will inevitably come up when people are hanging around waiting for the photos to be taken/over the meal/in the bar.

Just put some money behind the bar and when it's gone people can buy their own. As a pp said some people will drink ridiculous amounts.

I've never been to a wedding where drinks are free to guests.

They've usually been in hotels and vastly overpriced.

If someone offered me all I can drink for a tenner to be honest, I'd bite their hand off.

I meant "free" or alternatively "all you can drink for a tenner"!

And I forgot to say I would be offended at being asked to pay cash upfront to attend a wedding but I don't mind a pay bar.

I think it's appalling to ask for money on the invitation. I would politely decline such an invitation because it sounds like the wedding is overblown and grasping.
What is your gift list like I wonder, or are you asking for money for a honeymoon?
If you can't afford to pay for the drinks then just have a pay bar.

It's tacky and you know it's tacky. Have the wedding you can afford. Don't pass on the costs to your guests.

You can serve wine and beer and soft drinks and have them pay for spirits. That's s better way of keeping costs down.

This is no different from asking them to pay for your dress or the food or the venue. Why should they?

Pay bar is much better, I'd be very annoyed at such a request.

honestly, i wouldn't come!

we put a bottle each of red and white wine on each table, paid for everyone's first drink, and then expected everyone else to buy their own.

It makes sense from a pragmatic perspective but it's just bloody awful. Do a paid bar instead.

the fuck?! oh god im cringing for you at the mere suggestion. have a free bar with a box or paid bar. you simply cannot turn your wedding into some sort of club with an entrance fee!