To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

I don't think it's that bad an idea really, people would end up spending more than a tenner anyway.

A pay bar where guests buy their own drinks is perfectly normal at a wedding. Has happened at all the weddings I've ever been to, except one where one of the families was wealthy. Do that. People on here froth about it but it's not typical to pay for everyone's drinks all night. Easier for you to sort out than the payment scheme you're suggesting. They'll have had free dinner and drinks during dinner - it's fine.

Am I reading this right, your paying for food/drinks but asking for a £5/£10 contribution per person and per drink so £10 irrespective of what they drink?

I think your just complicating things, if you want a free bar go the whole hog or have a pay bar or an honesty box on a free bar. Don't mention anything on the invited though, it will come off wrong no matter how you word it

I don't drink and I don't want to fund the alcohol drinkers (as usual).

I would not like that on an invitation. I'd just have a pay bar.

Just have a pay bar.

No.

Incredibly tacky to ask a fee for attendance, which is basically what this is.

No way!! Horrible idea sorry.

Just have a bar where people pay for their own drinks. Or have a tab of a certain amount and when it's gone it's gone!

We gave out on our tables 3 x 'vouchers' per person which they could swap at the bar for a drink. We paid the tab at the end. So basically we bought our guests 3 drinks each, plus the free wine on the tables...we did it this way because some people drink a lot faster than others so I wanted to make sure the tab was fairly allocated to each person.

I don't think you should do it. We had a buy your own at the bar for the evening. We made sure we had lots of free wine at the meal though. The honesty box idea is good. Or depending on your venue you could add 'bring a bottle' to your invite - I wouldn't mind that.

You can to say all drinks are free, then ask people to say a set amount. Iy sounds terrible - like you want to appear generous without actually being generous.

Far better to have a pay bar, then people can decide for themselves how much they want to spend on drink and they don't feel like you are trying to make yourself look good while weaselling out of actually coughing up.

It's a bit of an odd way to do it. I can understand how you feel about being on a budget; we are planning ours right now, but food and drink is taking the priority of our very small budget, as I don't like the thought of our guests having to pay for their drinks at a party we are essentially hosting. If it helps, we have found a decent red and white wine option (we drank it at a tapas restaurant, then asked for the name, was shocked at the mark up) which can be bought at £3 a bottle!

I went to a wedding over christmas with an honesty bar for charity. The bride was a cousin of my DP. They told us afterwards that hardly anybody had paid anything, but had drank so much that they actually had no donations at all, and a bar tab of several hundreds of pounds to pay, so I think, dependent on your guests' behaviour, honesty bars aren't that great either.

It wouldn't particularly offend me. Booze is expensive, and I'd have no problem with chucking a tenner in a bucket towards the drinks.

It's unconventional tho, and I think it would be a) an arse to organise, and b) would get the wedding etiquette purists catsbumfacing.

Is the wedding in a venue that is providing a bar?
I have been to brilliant weddings in people's houses or church hall: gazebos in the back garden, friends and family all contributing dishes to a fabulous buffet, lay on a good bit of wine, beer and soft drinks and do 'bring a bottle' on champagne / prossecco.

If it is in a venue with a bar just have a pay bar.

Well in fairness Alpacha at £5 you'd hardly be subsidising the drinkers

I wouldn't. mind paying £10 for drinks all day. Id probably spend twice that buying drinks from the bar. But i wouldn't bother with a free bar in any capacity people expect to buy drinks at weddings.

I'm just thinking that £10 a head for unlimited drinks is better than £6.50 for one gin and tonic?

I have only been to one wedding where the alcohol was free this was my cousins he had it in a marquee at my uncles house my uncle is a millionaire it was a fabulous wedding no expense spared etc but every other wedding apart from wine with the meal and champagne for the toast I have had to pay for my drinks and they were a lot more than £5 or £10.

I understand the reasoning behind it, but a paid bar would be better. IME, free bars lead to a couple of people drinking waaaay too much and fighting or maybe I just go to the wrong sort of weddings.

I would provide a bottle of red, white and rose on the tables for the meal. Cheap champers for the toasts and then they can pay for their own drinks.

£6.50 for a gin and tonic?! You need to negotiate a bit harder with your venue!

No, just no, don't do it.

It'd be great value - are you running the bar yourself? Are you sure that would even cover unlimited drinks?

But all the weddings I've ever been to have provided wine on the table for dinner then a paid bar - nobody will expect a free bar at all so don't bother trying to do this

Plus how will you know who's paid for what on the day? You'd have to give people wrist bands like an all inclusive holiday resort! What if one group pays for one 'all in alcohol' and that person gets drinks for the rest all night??

Too much bother, leave it

£6.50 for a gin and tonic is totally normal!

Don't do it - just no.

The thing is that if people have paid their £10 for 'unlimited' drinks they are going to want to drink unlimited amounts (regardless of whether at g&t costs £6 so they will drink a lot more and honestly this will end up costing you a lot of money).

Why not supply every guest with 2 glasses of pims and after that they buy their own drinks?

So the moderate drinkers would be funding the boozers

It's a no from me. How about one free drink each then a pay bar. It is ok to have a pay bar.

Bucket on the bar would be a better plan - I think people are more likely to be offended (given the responses here!) if it's laid out in the invitation. Just say it's a pay bar, then it will be a nice surprise for them when they only have to pay a tenner for drinks all night instead of for each drink.