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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

549 replies

DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence · 13/02/2016 08:50

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

OP posts:
Unnerved · 13/02/2016 20:24

I don't understand why ryanairbride is on mums net maybe the wedding section or one of the fb wedding pages.

BYOSnowman · 13/02/2016 20:25

Is a barn in February a good idea? Is your house big enough to host?

Hellochicken · 13/02/2016 20:26

I haven't read the thread. I think asking for a contribution is awful.

I have been to weddings where there is a bar where you can buy drinks, but there are always drinks offered "for free" and if people want to buy and drink extra they can.

If you can't afford it, invite less, or spend less.

It's expensive enough to attend a wedding.

Honestly just the fact you are considering it makes me think your wedding priorities are so different from mine.

Ryanairbride1234 · 13/02/2016 20:36

Me L? Because the OP posted it here from the Facebook group.

gleekster · 13/02/2016 20:38

I am so bloody confused!

So it isn't really a wedding.

But you are sending out Save the Date cards for a party.

The guests don't know you will have been married for a year by then?

Why does the opening post for the thread ask about guests contributing to a wedding?

Ryanairbride1234 · 13/02/2016 20:38

unerved is there a particular type of content that is meant to be posted on mumsnet? Seems to be a whole load of random shit from what I see.

iamEarthymama · 13/02/2016 20:39

Sorry not read all the thread.
When my wife and organised our civil partnership we hired a hall, a converted chapel, and had a re-creation of a church tea from the Whitsun Walks when I was small.

As far as drinks were concerned we provided wine and bubbly for a toast when we all arrived at the venue; it was very informal Smile
Then wine and soft drinks, nice ones, with the meal and juice etc for the children.

In the invite we said Bring your Own, and your mixers and everyone did so cheerfully. It worked really well, was a fantastic day. The children were a feral bunch and had an amazing time, there was live music and a fab disco, with all our favourite songs put together by my BiL, who is knows all there is to know about popular music from the 60s onward.

No-one seemed to mind having to bring drinks, they were able to drop them off at the venue in advance, suitably labelled, but as a few of our friends would certainly have smuggled a bottle of spirits into any paying venue it just eliminated the need for secrecy. Wink

I have fond memories of one wedding at an hotel with a Master of Ceremonies who urged any guest carrying a present to take it along to the room set aside for the purpose, or even offered to do so himself. He had a right tug-a-war with one of my group, who refused to part company with the shiny bag, bedecked with ribbons that held her supply of rum and Coke.

Having fun with the people you love is the point of the reception, I think people will be happier bringing drinks rather than being charged cash.

kawliga · 13/02/2016 20:41

OP you can be as unreasonable as you like if all your friends are equally unreasonable. You'll all be happy fleecing each other, and nobody will complain. Everyone gets a fair turn in charging the others for their party, so it's all good. You charge them, and when they have their own parties they'll charge you.

You just establish your own codes of conduct and it's ok because you all live that way in your own sub-culture where the usual rules of etiquette don't apply. Doesn't matter if most MNetters or anybody else thinks you're unreasonable, because all your friends are exactly the same as you and they'll be ok with it.

Ryanairbride1234 · 13/02/2016 20:42

Ok brilliant. Thanks kawlinga!! 😀😀

Lj8893 · 13/02/2016 20:43

Yes, the Facebook group, we covered that. Hmm what I meant was why are you bothering to get our opinions if you clearly have such a low opinion of mumsnetters?

Only1scoop · 13/02/2016 20:47

What a non event
Event

Unnerved · 13/02/2016 20:51

What LJ8893 said. I just think theres plenty of chat rooms more suited to your wedding ideas than mumsnet. We got half a story and it changed half way through. When people think its bonkers you have a low opinion. I think its odd what your doing but do it and be honest. Its the tricking people into thinking ita sumat its not that doesn't sit right with me.

Sallyingforth · 13/02/2016 20:52

If there is a prize for the most confusing post ever on Mumsnet, it should go to this.

To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

when it's actually the unlicensed sale of cut-price drinks after someone else's not-a-wedding. (I think)

Ryanairbride1234 · 13/02/2016 20:53

I didn't say that? Someone else said about mumsnetters being bitchy?

Lj8893 · 13/02/2016 20:56

You said you would be winning if mumsnetters didn't turn up to your wedding.

Ryanairbride1234 · 13/02/2016 20:57

I was happy for the post to be out in here to see people's views on the £10 thing. About a million posts ago I agreed that wasn't for the best and that we would do things a different way. I think we've come to something we are happy with now. Thanks everybody for the comments, especially the helpful ones. Think we are sorted for ideas. It's just going round in circles here now, I think because I'm not able to edit the original post to say we won't be doing it that way anymore? Never mind. Got the advice we were after! Thanks! 😀

Ryanairbride1234 · 13/02/2016 20:59

L I was just joking because there was a few people being rude about the wedding ideas. Not that I would actually invite strangers off the internet anyway!

Lj8893 · 13/02/2016 20:59

And it's posted on Aibu which is renowned for being upfront and to the point with the responses. There's no fluff here!

shazzarooney99 · 13/02/2016 21:02

Op you are really really strange.

Sallystyle · 13/02/2016 21:07

unerved is there a particular type of content that is meant to be posted on mumsnet? Seems to be a whole load of random shit from what I see.

Well you have that spot on Grin

Have a great wedding/anniversary/ party whatever it is and I mean that sincerely :)

Unnerved · 13/02/2016 21:08

You can understand posters confusion

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/02/2016 22:29

Oh RAB - can't believe you actually joined MN after all! Grin

Don't worry, it's not that confusing. Lots of people have quiet wedding ceremonies with just themselves and witnesses, and then go on to have a big party later. Not always a whole year later, true; but if that's the time that you'll be able to afford to have the party celebration, then that's the time.

Some people on here wouldn't be happy unless you do it exactly the way they expect - anything outside of that is grounds for disparagement. Although I do think that calling "paying for anything at a wedding the lowest of the low" is hyperbole beyond the ridiculous!

Have your wedding celebration the way you want it; in RL I've never met any of these people who think like half the MNers seem to! (And I know some quite posh people, as it happens Wink)

mummymeister · 13/02/2016 23:37

RAB - the premises has the licence. I get that. but under the law you as the person selling the alcohol also need a licence. there are 2 licences not one. Premises and personal.

the actual premises i.e. the barn has to have the licence not just some random hotel or whatever in the same ownership on the same land.

You need a licence. If the alcohol is free and the people all invited ie.it is a closed not an open public event then you only need one licence - the premises licence. Mobile bars come to licenced premises and the person behind the bar has a personal licence.

if you go ahead without the personal licence and the premises one only you are breaking the law and the holder of the premises licence could lose this licence and probably a significant amount of their income.

SisterMoonshine · 13/02/2016 23:52

I think you need to have rethink.
It has annoyed people that you seem to want to trick people. You call it a free bar but want people to pay £10.
And it's not a wedding.
If you are honest with your guests then those who chose to come to your anniversary party will be okay.
But you also might need to rethink your summer fayre thing - you won't really be able to be on the grass. Were you thinking of the bouncy castles being outdoors (in the mud / snow)? How are the yurt things heated? These landowners might charge a lot for logs like campsites do. And you're going to get through quite a lot over several camps.

chocolateee · 14/02/2016 09:43

Extremely naff . I'd turn your invitation down on principle. Nearly as bad as being asked to contribute to a luxury honeymoon . Every heard of the expression ' cut your cloth ..... ' ?