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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this Facebook post? (Scan/baby related)

147 replies

nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:37

My partner and I found out on Friday what we're having. We decided to keep the news just to family and close friends. My partner's sister has posted a photo of the scan on Facebook, announcing the baby's gender to everyone.

I'm really upset and have asked her to delete the post but she's refused so far and all of her friends are joining in, saying it's okay for her to post it. I'd asked my own family not to post anything and thought my partner had done the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ILoveMyMonkey · 25/01/2016 10:40

Hell no yanbu, it is not her news to share, she is bang out of order and your partner should be having words!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/01/2016 10:41

Every one who's looked on her FB page will have seen what you're having, whether she takes it down or not. It's like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.
Obviously you have your reasons but what's the big secret about your babys gender
Congratulations, BTW

Katedotness1963 · 25/01/2016 10:42

It was not her news to share!!

Cel982 · 25/01/2016 10:42

No. She is being ridiculous, and it's staggering that anyone is supporting her. However, if you've told a few family/friends the sex yourselves, I think realistically that news was going to get out anyway before the baby arrives. But she's breathtakingly cheeky to post your uterus on her FB page without permission.

liz70 · 25/01/2016 10:43

It's very annoying but tbh I don't think there's much you can do now - the cat's out of the bag so to speak. If you have more children after this just keep it to yourself and partner.

Annarose2014 · 25/01/2016 10:44

I assume you posted a comment underneath asking to take it down? Your partner needs to do the same. Saying that HE (as in not blaming you) is very upset and disappointed that she chose to post it.

At least then she's embarrassed in the public forum she chooses to share everything with.

Twindroops · 25/01/2016 10:44

I think its either a secret, or is isn't. Its bad form of her to share before the parents have but if your partner hadn't actually told her it was a secret, hmm.

Taking it down now would be pointless anyway no?

Congratulations OP, and lesson is at least learnt, don't tell her anything else and if she asks why then just tell her!

Original poster
nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:45

No secret, I just wanted to keep the news to family until the birth. There's strangers out there who know what I'm having, for God's sake!

OP posts:
ZiggyFartdust · 25/01/2016 10:45

Of course she is being unreasonable.
But you were being rather silly thinking you could pick and choose who would know and who wouldn't. Once you start telling people, its out there and everyone will know.

Original poster
nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:46

Also, if we had planned to share it on Facebook, it would have been nice to do it ourselves, not have a third party break the news for us and I think that's what's really getting to me. She's taken away our choice about the matter, which is the problem.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 25/01/2016 10:47

So your husband possibly didn't tell her to keep it quiet? Did he not answer when you asked him?

MummaV · 25/01/2016 10:47

YANBU. Not her news to share. How bloody rude!

However, it's out there now, and if she's tagged you in it everyone will know.

Whatever you do, when you have the baby, don't tell her until you've announced it or you know she'll just do the same again then. The birth, weight, name etc are yours to announce when you are ready, not for her to steal your thunder again.

Original poster
nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:47

None of my family have shared the news- if once side can do that, then I'm sure the other side can do too!

OP posts:
Klaptrap · 25/01/2016 10:48

She's being incredibly unreasonable! I would report the post - although I doubt Facebook will be able to do anything TBH but it would give me some satisfaction to do so.

I thought it was bad when my MIL posted my 12 week scan image (which I had already shared myself previously in this case) but she uploaded it to Facebook without cropping out all my personal information and her profile was completely public. In my case though, she took it down immediately and was incredibly apologetic, so no harm done!

I would be seething in your shoes and asking my husband to step in and sort it out.

Jibberjabberjooo · 25/01/2016 10:48

You can't just keep it to family as people will talk, either you want people to know or you don't.

But your SIL is totally unreasonable to have posted it on fb, it's not her news to share.

I'd be wary about announcing the birth, as she'll do the same thing. I would make sure you tell her and others that you want to be the first to announce your baby's birth on fb and she is not to do it for you.

Birdsgottafly · 25/01/2016 10:48

What's your partner saying about this?

""thought my partner had done the same.""

If he told his family the same, then you need to make it clear that you limit what gets shared.

Either that, or it's going to be your SIL that announces the birth, teeth, steps etc (we have the same issue in my family at present).

PurpleDaisies · 25/01/2016 10:50

I don't understand at all why people do this. It would never occur to me to post someone else's scan photo on my own timeline. Some people are just desperate for attention.

I totally understand why you're annoyed.

liz70 · 25/01/2016 10:51

"I just wanted to keep the news to family"

And now you've found you can't even trust some of them.

I never wanted to find out the sex beforehand with mine, but I think telling my DH, and at a push our parents, would be my limit if I had.

RainOhJoyus · 25/01/2016 10:51

Fuck me, it's not about whether your secret is out or not, ignore those getting hung up on that.
But to post your scan picture and gender when you haven't is awful. Report it to Facebook.
Your husband needs to have a word.
Agree postif a comment will show people you didn't give permission.
I hate when people do birth announcements that aren't rheirs, to get in first. Pathetic.

ZiggyFartdust · 25/01/2016 10:52

But you can't tell people something and order them not to talk about it. They can do what they like.

It's all a bit childish anyway, so you've found out what you're having and told your family and friends....but only the close ones, the lesser mortals aren't allowed to know? But surely the people you've told are the only ones who might actually care anyway, so what is the point to all this angst and secrecy? It's very silly.

RainOhJoyus · 25/01/2016 10:53

Surely no decent human needs telling to not post someone else's scan pictures?
Maybe the "we want to keep the gender secret" although to be honest the people that care, I.e. Close friend and family know. Others won't be bothered

RainOhJoyus · 25/01/2016 10:53

Oops what ziggy said

Furiosa · 25/01/2016 10:54

How annoying for you OP.

If she didn't know she wasn't supposed to announce the news then maybe she's just one of those people who put everything on Facebook.

On the other hand the fact that she won't take it down despite being asked and is being "backed up" by her friend makes me think she doesn't have a problem with falling out with you. She's best avoided in this case, delete her from fb and don't let her know any future baby news.

Birdie85 · 25/01/2016 10:55

YANBU! It was NOT her news/photo to share! I hate attention whores, using other people's news to get likes! Grrr.

Make sure that you are very clear about what she can/can't post once the baby is here as I'll put money on her announcing the birth before you get chance to do so!

PurpleDaisies · 25/01/2016 10:55

But you can't tell people something and order them not to talk about it. They can do what they like.

Of course you can. I wouldn't use order them not to talk about it-keep it private is a more sensible wording. My sister told me as soon as she found out she was pregnant but didn't want anyone to know until she was past twelve weeks. I suppose I could have put it on Facebook but you don't treat people you care about like that.