Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this Facebook post? (Scan/baby related)

147 replies

nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:37

My partner and I found out on Friday what we're having. We decided to keep the news just to family and close friends. My partner's sister has posted a photo of the scan on Facebook, announcing the baby's gender to everyone.

I'm really upset and have asked her to delete the post but she's refused so far and all of her friends are joining in, saying it's okay for her to post it. I'd asked my own family not to post anything and thought my partner had done the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fratelli · 25/01/2016 11:51

She's been a wanker. I would leave her last to know when the baby is born.

candykane25 · 25/01/2016 11:53

Report it to FB saying its a photo of you (it is, it's your uterus) that's being used without permission.
Absolutely not on to do this. I would defriend her, she can't be trusted.
To announce she is going to be an auntie, that would be lovely. To post a photo of your womb? Er, no!
A so called family friend posted a photo of my dad announcing his death before we had even told close relatives.
She did it for attention, people were giving her sympathy. She barely knew him.
She was told to delete it which she did, blocked and got a rollicking. I told her she was treating my dads death as gossip, and it was hurtful and disrespect to us and him.
People are so weird.

diddl · 25/01/2016 11:53

I'm wanting to know how she got a pic of the scan to post?

I think that she's in the wrong to post the pic, but in all honesty, family & close friends know, she's hardly let a secret out, has she?

AppleSetsSail · 25/01/2016 11:55

Absolutely not on to do this. I would defriend her, she can't be trusted.

Seriously? The OP has many Christmas's etc ahead to be spending with her SIL. This strikes me as an overreaction.

VimFuego101 · 25/01/2016 12:00

YANBU at all - but make sure you don't tell her when the baby's born if you want to make your own formal announcement, In case she does this again.

candykane25 · 25/01/2016 12:04

Seriously.

You are not obliged to be friends with people on FB.

If people behave in a shit way on FB, you owe them nothing.

You could argue it's an under reaction. Eliminate the drama.

WonderingAspie · 25/01/2016 12:04

What a cow. I'm really confused as to why she would even do this tbh. I'd never put a scan photo except my own, I cannot understand why anyone would put someone else's. She IBVVVVU. Who cares if it is done etc, it wasn't her news to share so it doesn't matter who agrees with you or not (same goes for this thread). You didn't want it shared except to who you chose to tell so that's as far as it goes. How did she get a copy of the actual picture?

We learnt with MIL when we told her what we were planning on calling DD, she went and told everyone so we couldn't 'announce' the name ourselves. My sister also shared the picture I sent her when DD was born (she was away at the time) on FB, DH hadn't even left the hospital! Thankfully she was very apologetic and took it down, this is what reasonable people do.

PerspicaciaTick · 25/01/2016 12:07

The SIL was thoughtless to post tgecbews in the first place and bizarrely rude to be willing to have a public argument with the OP about her "right" to leave the post up.
But I think that the OP should have realised that this sort of news doesn't stay secret once you share it with people.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 25/01/2016 12:07

Maybe she didn't realise that she wasn't supposed to share it if your DP didn't tell her, but the minute you asked her to take it down she should have.

As childish as it is I would not tell her anything else about the pregnancy, not tell her when the baby is born, not tell her the name, weight etc and be totally PA towards her until my frustration subsided in about 10 years I would be wrong, but I would still do it.

On the plus side the strangers out there who know what you are having won't care, or even remember this time next week.

PerspicaciaTick · 25/01/2016 12:08

the news, sorry.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 25/01/2016 12:13

So did your DP tell her to keep it private or not.

And how did she get the picture?

Eminado · 25/01/2016 12:13

There is no question she is behaving like a lunatic.

But

  1. What did your partner tell her?
  1. And what is he going to say to her now?

Those are your issues now.

MamaLazarou · 25/01/2016 12:15

How did she get hold of the scan photo?

coconutpie · 25/01/2016 12:16

Wow, your SIL is a seriously unreasonable cow. What a nasty thing to do. She has NO right to post a photo of your uterus on Facebook. I would report it to Facebook and demand that it is removed. If Facebook come back with a report saying it doesn't breach guidelines, then there's a feedback option with smiley faces - click the sad face and again demand it is removed - the sad face means that it goes to a human in Facebook to review (otherwise it is automated).

CombineBananaFister · 25/01/2016 12:20

I understand keeping a pregnancy secret between a few people for loads of good reasons. Not sure I understand why keeping the gender secret is necessary as only really those close will be interested.

But she is BU to share a scan picture of yours, that's just odd - has she forgotten its actually a picture of your Uterus. Ask her for a pic of an internal organ so you can post it Wink

You can't demand what people do with your news but I thought it was just good manners to follow 'your news, you share first' principle but in this attention-seeking society it would seem I am wrong. DO NOT TELL HER BABY NAMES.

Needcaffeinenow · 25/01/2016 12:30

I think it is completely your news to tell and she is so out of order! I would be really angry. I don't get why she won't delete it, it isn't her baby.

EveryLittleThing · 25/01/2016 12:30

If DH had not "done the same" as you and told his family not to share, then it might be slightly more understandable that she may have thought it was ok to post (although I still think that it is a very bizarre thing to want to do).

However, to refuse to take down the post when you have asked her to is plain rude and unacceptable.

Why on earth would she refuse? And why are her friends joining in? It's all really, really strange. But then so is the whole FB culture.

Anyway - it's done now - don't share anything else with her - and don't let it upset you (and therefore baby) anymore.

And Congratulations!! Flowers

x2boys · 25/01/2016 12:30

Your sil is being a bit unreasonable but I think your being a bit precious tbh why would a stranger care about the sex of your baby ?And how did your sil get the scan photo to post?

wannaBe · 25/01/2016 12:44

But op, surely you know what your SIL is like for sharing on Facebook? People don't suddenly share something like this out of nowhere, over sharers are easy to spot because they're so cringeworthy in what they're prepared to share on FB.

With that in mind, I wouldn't have told her on the basis that you would have known that she was likely to share it somehow.

There is someone on my FB who over shares everything. First pictures of her grandchildren, announcing other people's pregnancies before they have, etc. So when me and DP got engaged, we didn't tell her on the basis that we knew that if we did, she would share it before we did. (she is family). So, she was denied being told in person that we were engaged, and had to settle for finding out on FB...

Lesson of the day, share nothing with an over sharer.

Needaninsight · 25/01/2016 12:53

Wow. How awful of her?

I think you need to comment on the actual post, along the lines of..This is my scan picture, a scan picture of my baby and my uterus, please remove this asap from your account, this has really upset me.

She sounds very young and immature. How old is she?

Definitely do not tell her the baby has arrived until you've announced it in the way you want to!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/01/2016 12:54

How old is sil? It sounds like a very teenage thing to do. I can't comprehend an adult refusing to take the picture down.

LaurieMarlow · 25/01/2016 12:54

Incredible rudeness from you SIL. Can't believe some people's cheek on social media. Mind you my drama queen cousin announced the birth of my DS on FB before we'd had a chance to ourselves. Thankfully she didn't have a picture.

I agree with the suggestion to tackle the rudeness head on on FB. Your husband should reply by expressing his disappointment over her actions.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 25/01/2016 12:56

Even if OH didn't explicitly say 'we're keeping this to ourselves', who the fuck uploads a picture of someone else's womb onto facebook?

Utter headcase, especially if she and friends are being shitty about it.

Better to find out now than after the baby is born what she's really like.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 25/01/2016 12:59

So your DH presumably emailed or texted the scan pic to family with "It's a girl/boy" in the title. Have you seen the communication? Did he actually say to keep it quiet.

Either way, you have asked her to remove it and she has refused. That's rude and shitty. I would post a comment to that effect on her FB page and simply state that her refusal to remove a private photo is upsetting you, and leave it at that.

Then I'd ensure that she knew damn well she wouldn't be darkening the door of my house as a consequence of non-removal.

People get over excited and post stuff without thinking. It's a fact of life. We all know someone / or are that person who's had a bollocking for being a twat. Not to remove something that is unnecessarily upsetting someone you or your family love is unforgivable though.

PotteringAlong · 25/01/2016 13:04

She was very rude not to take it down when asked. It doesn't sound like your DP asked her not to post it though in the first place so her posting it was not actually wrong.

If you want the gender to be a secret, don't tell anyone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread