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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this Facebook post? (Scan/baby related)

147 replies

nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:37

My partner and I found out on Friday what we're having. We decided to keep the news just to family and close friends. My partner's sister has posted a photo of the scan on Facebook, announcing the baby's gender to everyone.

I'm really upset and have asked her to delete the post but she's refused so far and all of her friends are joining in, saying it's okay for her to post it. I'd asked my own family not to post anything and thought my partner had done the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheBouquets · 25/01/2016 22:47

Today had just shown me that I am still struggling with the after effects. It is something which should never have happened had the woman not been the type she is. These things scare me now whereas before I would not even have thought about it.
Whether it is my situation or the OP where do people get the idea that it is OK to mess with peoples; lives. That is the scary bit.

AyeAmarok · 25/01/2016 23:02

She is being unreasonable. It is not her news to share. I hate people that do this. I also hate Facebook, it brings out the worst in people.

ZiggyFartdust · 25/01/2016 23:08

It really doesn't, unless they are like that anyway. It isn't facebook, its the people who use it.

Siesta · 25/01/2016 23:12

My sister announced the birth of my baby on Facebook, name included, before I'd had a chance to because I was still in hospital Sad

pookamoo · 25/01/2016 23:14

yanbu.

It works the other way, too. My DSIS found out about our DGM's death on facebook via a thoughtless cousin. The status went up within the hour, and DM had not yet managed to get DSIS on the phone. Sad

velocitykate · 25/01/2016 23:34

My Mum did this - not on Facebook - 13 years ago when I was expecting dd1. It was very early days and Dh and I had decided we'd tell my parents and his, but no one else until we'd had a scan. I swore my Mum to secrecy, but within 30 minutes, I'd had the entire extended family on the phone congratulating me.....

She still asks me why I don't tell her anything. Now I just get "bloody hell, that was 12 or 13 years ago, You shouldn't still be going on about that". Maybe if she'd apologised and acknowledged that it wasn't her news to share, but no "I was just so excited"

oohlalala · 26/01/2016 01:45

Just remember to return the gesture in future, announce her engagement/ pregnancy/ new job etc to the world before she gets the chance. I know someone like that, so I make it my mission now to get my news out before they get the chance to ruin it for me. YANBU.

ValiantMouse · 26/01/2016 12:26

How fucking rude of her!

Paintedhandprints · 26/01/2016 13:18

Dh and I were very Confused when strangers started congratulating my sister on the borth of our son on fb. But my sisters nuts so we dont dwell on it. Sounds like your sil is also nuts. At least you now know not to tell her when the baby is born. -Or any of dh's side of the family because they cant be trusted.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 26/01/2016 13:19

What a dick! Would be giving her a severe telling off for that.

Original poster
nicolapompicola · 26/01/2016 14:50

She has eventually taken it down yesterday- after I had threatened to go to the police over the matter. Her and her family just cannot see that they are in the wrong with this. I got a message on Facebook saying "Her nephew. Her Picture. Her Choice." To which I replied it is not your womb to be posting all over social media. She also told me to "STFU" which is no way at all to speak to anyone, especially not the mother of the child that you want to see.

She is IMO an absolute spoilt little bitch whom I do not want any where near my child. Same goes for his mother, whom had told DP that if I do not apologise then she is not going to speak to him. This is NEVER going to happen, as I have nothing at all to apologise for. They should be the ones grovelling to me, after the way they have treated me over this issue.

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 26/01/2016 15:18

i hope you have saved any harassing emails etc?
Not necessarily for them themselves but if there are issues in the future and such. iyswim.

AppleSetsSail · 26/01/2016 15:19

So, you threatened your SIL with police action. I'm not extremely surprised that your in-laws are siding with her.

BareNecessitiesofLife · 26/01/2016 15:36

She's been incredibly rude.

Booboostwo · 26/01/2016 15:39

You have bigger problems than an FB photo!

Original poster
nicolapompicola · 26/01/2016 16:47

AppleSetsSail Would you like someone posting your uterus on a public forum with out your express consent? Along with a fair amount of personal information, and then they refuse to take it down as you are "Spoiling their day"?

The police action was an absolute last resort for me, as she was being completely unreasonable about the whole issue and POINT BLANK refused to take the picture down despite many requests from myself, and my partner.

OP posts:
Whatdoidohelp · 26/01/2016 16:55

I think you need to seriously think about who comes to see your baby when it is born. It's highly likely that a snap will be taken and it will be splashed all over the Internet before you know it.

LagunaBubbles · 26/01/2016 16:57

She sounds really unhinged to me, regardless of whether she thinks she is in the "right" or not how on earth does she think this will help her have a relationship with your baby once baby is actually here!

ollieplimsoles · 26/01/2016 17:00

Just stop her seeing the baby, job done.

If she cared about seeing the baby and having a relationship with him then she would respect you more.

candykane25 · 26/01/2016 17:40

She's done you a favour , you now don't have to bother with your in laws at all.
I have a very unreasonable in law and I drew the line in the sand after the last lot of bad behaviour, it's very liberating.

ZiggyFartdust · 26/01/2016 17:52

To be fair, you all sound kind of bonkers. Fighting and falling out with your family over a scan picture which you gave them in the first place? Who behaves like that other than on Jeremy Kyle ?

cranberryx · 26/01/2016 20:30

"Her nephew, her choice" ...?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahqhqhahqhahahahahahq!

You are the mother of this child. It is growing in YOUR uterus. YOU will give birth, take him/her for jabs, take them to school on their first day, and all of those other things not dear old Auntie Psychopath.

She is clearly dilusional. I would refrain from telling your ILs anything in future. I kept my entire pregnancy off Facebook due to past miscarriages, I didn't want strangers or people I hadn't seen in years talking about me over coffee as some pity event if something did go wrong.

The fact she also didn't listen to your DH grates as well.

Block and ignore.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/01/2016 20:32

Threatening with police action. Jesus wept...

AppleSetsSail · 26/01/2016 20:33

Threatening with police action. Jesus wept...

No one is coming out of this gracefully, are they?

GeordieBadger · 26/01/2016 20:36

There's strangers out there who know what I'm having, for God's sake!

Shock! Horror!

OP, why does it matter? How does people knowing the gender negatively impact on your life?