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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this Facebook post? (Scan/baby related)

147 replies

nicolapompicola · 25/01/2016 10:37

My partner and I found out on Friday what we're having. We decided to keep the news just to family and close friends. My partner's sister has posted a photo of the scan on Facebook, announcing the baby's gender to everyone.

I'm really upset and have asked her to delete the post but she's refused so far and all of her friends are joining in, saying it's okay for her to post it. I'd asked my own family not to post anything and thought my partner had done the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 25/01/2016 13:06

For those asking how she got a hold of a scan picture - it's very easy to take a photo and send through messaging services these days. I did so, and sent to my own siblings, asking them not to post anything to Facebook as I didn't want the world and their mother knowing about my pregnancy. Just because you want your family to know, doesn't mean it's then a 'free for all' on information. YANBU, I'd also report the picture being used without your permission, the rude cow.

HolaKitty · 25/01/2016 13:06

I think she's being unreasonable to post your scan photo (even if you've emailed it around, that's still very personal), and it's downright obnoxious to refuse to take it down when asked.

But I think YABU for telling more than one or two people about the sex and asking them to keep it a secret. Presumably this means parents, siblings and close friends know? That's quite a large group.

I think, with this kind of news, you either
a) tell no one, and do a big announcement after the birth,
b) tell your close family and friends, and accept that the news will naturally spread, or
c) tell close family and friends personally, and do a broader general announcement soon after, if it's important that the other (B-list) friends hear it from you and not anyone else.

Trying to stagger the news between groups of people is almost always going to get complicated -- especially if there's a chance your partner didn't even ask his sister to keep quiet. She does sound charming, though. Next time, feed her some false information. Then it'll be like when The Mirror announced IT'S A BOY for Paul McCartney's baby daughter.

TheBouquets · 25/01/2016 13:43

There was a similar situation in my family to this and a PP. As soon as the picture was seen the poster was asked to remove the photo. This was refused and a number of that person's "friends" made a lot of posts against the person requesting removal of the photo. There has been a lot of almighty battles over this. Not only was a photo used without permission of the "owner" the person requesting removal was abused over the internet.
If Facebook will not do anything about this, go to the Police especially about the "attacks" by posting over the internet. Lawyers may also have a remit here.
Personally I would make mincemeat out of your SIL and discredit the info she posts on Facebook. You could post lovely boy at our house today. It could just be a visiting sparrow or hedgehog but wait and see what she does! If you have goods delivered you could mention that without being too specific. I would like to wind her into knots.

LaPharisienne · 25/01/2016 13:44

I would flip out. YANBU.

AppleSetsSail · 25/01/2016 13:48

If Facebook will not do anything about this, go to the Police especially about the "attacks" by posting over the internet. Lawyers may also have a remit here.
Personally I would make mincemeat out of your SIL and discredit the info she posts on Facebook. You could post lovely boy at our house today. It could just be a visiting sparrow or hedgehog but wait and see what she does! If you have goods delivered you could mention that without being too specific. I would like to wind her into knots.

Bouquet you sound completely unhinged.

PegsPigs · 25/01/2016 14:01

I WhatsApp'd a picture of my scan to my brother and sisters. I didn't think to ask them not to share it or the gender on Facebook because they're not bloody idiots!!!! So maybe that's how the OP's SIL got the scan pic but to share it with her friends on Facebook is absolutely not on. OP you need to report the photo to Facebook who will take it down.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/01/2016 14:05

Bouquet. I would imagine the police have better things to worry about than a scan picture that someone has posted on FB

LagunaBubbles · 25/01/2016 14:10

Of course its not her news and this is very innapropriate to share. But its worse I think now youve asked her to take it down shes refused! Thats quite telling about her. What is your relationship with her generally like?

And as for There's strangers out there who know what I'm having, for God's sake! - this really doesnt matter. No-one will care.

LagunaBubbles · 25/01/2016 14:12

Bouquet seriously, the Police??

BippityBoppityBullshit · 25/01/2016 14:30

Well if nothing else she's managed to move herself way down the pecking order for being told about your baby's arrival. If she can't keep information to herself as requested, and refuses to acknowledge it's not her information to share when picked up on it, she's shown her true colours.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/01/2016 14:31

I'm sorry but I'm genuinely laughing at the suggestion to contact the police. Bouquets do you also call to 'log' problems with neighbours, just in case they escalate?

Fizrim · 25/01/2016 14:36

I think she IBU not to take the post down when you asked her to. But how did she get the picture, it does sound as if your partner has emailed it and the news to his own family?

Shirkingfromhome · 25/01/2016 14:36

You could make an example of her then and go on complete lockdown about any further news of your baby with anyone. Seems harsh to punish everyone else for her social shortfalls but at least everyone will get a clear message.

You can also report the post to Facebook and have an official request for it to be removed.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 25/01/2016 14:50

TheBouquets - the police, really? If I may paraphrase an episode of Friends, yeah I'm sure they'll get straight on that once they solve all the murders and such.

I agree with Shirking, don't share anymore baby news with her - people like her will be annoucing the birth and such on Facebook before you have a chance as well if they do things like this.

YakTriangle · 25/01/2016 15:08

Report the photo on FB and ask for it to be removed. You could leave a comment under it saying that she's really upset you by posting private information about you without your permission. Make her look like an arse to her friends. She's only posted someone else's news to get attention, so let her get negative attention for it.

TheBouquets · 25/01/2016 15:59

I was not the one involved with the Facebook issue. I was only involved in watching the damage an inappropriate posting caused. In this case there were threats which at a later date were carried out very sneakily. I wonder how each of you would really feel if it was yourself who was upset by such a silly SIL The scan photo was the property of OP it was not for SIL to show it publicly or even among a limited number of people ie facebook friends. How unhinged is it to post up pictures of someone else's internal organs. I dont think I would like someone to do that to me. I certainly would not put up a scan photo. Sometimes life is difficult. Facebook has a reputation of causing problems. Even on here there is often talk of trolls. It is all a bit weird. I tend to keep myself very much to myself and don't actually bother with neighbours, half the time I don't know what is going on in my street and that is a long way from logging every breathe

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 25/01/2016 16:44

Yes, but this is a civil matter Bouquets. Unless there are threats to a person being made, whether in physical or blackmail terms, or the photo being put online is of a graphic nature (such as revenge porn), there's nothing the police can do. It's not illlegal to put scan pictures online as far as I'm aware, certainly not illegal to announce the sex of your future niece/nephew. It is very rude to do so without the parents permission, that why the OP should report it to Facebook and hope it gets removed.

Crazypetlady · 25/01/2016 18:16

Also who shares someone's scan photo on facebook I would never do that. Your sil is out of order for not taking it down what an arse.

ZiggyFartdust · 25/01/2016 18:45

Facebook has a reputation of causing problems

Nope. People cause problems. It's not FB, its you. If your family had to get the cops involved because someone posted something they were asked not to, that is not a FB problem, thats a "your family" problem.

And posting someone elses scan photo is a bit weird, but its way less unhinged than threatening people and police involvement!!

nocabbageinmyeye · 25/01/2016 19:17

Posting your own scan picture on fb in weird, posting someone elses is beyond weird and refusing to take it down is just nuts. At this stage i'd just have fun with her to drive her mad and she'd be the last to know when I gave birth

TheBouquets · 25/01/2016 21:56

It was not a "family member" who made the threats or carried out an assault. It was a busybody who think SHE (yes SHE) has the right to butt into things which are no concern of hers. She has done this kind of thing a few times over Facebook.

Very true it is not Facebook causing trouble it is the people who overstep normal acceptable conduct.
This busybody is not over burdened with good manners

TheBouquets · 25/01/2016 22:01

Sorry clicked too soon.
The whole thing had a devastating effect on a number of people. Myself included. I was having medical stuff going on myself and deaths of others and I really did not need what happened.
I was distressed when I was contacted and informed that someone of mine had been attacked and assaulted.
Perhaps it is harder to mind one's own business in the current media overload.

Lemonski · 25/01/2016 22:03

How old is she? Does she have mental health issues?

Not normal behaviour.

Posting it is bad enough but to refuse to take it down after realising/being told her faux pas (if it actually was a faux pas, Im guessing she is jelous of the sttention and did this to be cenre of attention for 5minutes) indicates she is a serious hard faced bitch, an immature kid or mentally unstable.

Normal people dont behave this way.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/01/2016 22:19

Yes but Bouquets that is completely irrelevant to the op's problem. It's nothing like it. So advising to contact the police is daft for this situation. I'm sorry for the situation you and people you know found yourself in though. Sounds awful.

Jezebel555 · 25/01/2016 22:43

If anyone did that with my personal info and then REFUSED to take it down I would go fucking batshit!
What an obnoxious bitch!

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