To not want to share my holiday

[spababe]

Can't say too much as don't want to out myself but one of my friends and I were discussing holiday plans and without being invited she has now told me she has booked the same holiday on the same dates. The children get on well and I'd invite her for a coffee but we're not bosom pals and anyway i think the point of a family holiday is to spend quality time with your own family. She gave no indication she was going to do this just presented it as a fait accompli.

Sorry should make it clear she booked after she knew what we were doing as she thought it sounded good.

What kind of holiday?

Massive resort with several different buildings/pools/restaurants?
Tiny campsite in one field?

Small European resort and she has booked on the same tour as us.

Would you be able to change dates at all?

YANBU but the only thing you can do is make the most of it, it's going to happen now whether you want it to or not so maybe get to know her better so it isn't too awkward? It may be that she has no expectation of spending time with you but thought that your holiday sounded fab ...

No unfortunately not. Also she thinks it will be great for the DCs to have friends on holiday.

Well that was cheeky of her.
I'd want to cancal to be honest , wouldn't here be a penalty to change your plans?
People really are utterly clueless sometimes.

YANBU at all! I value holidays as just us, really struggle to share with anyone else. It's quite a weird thing you do, isn't it? Don't know what the answer is though!

I'd not be happy.

She obviously knew lots of details to be able to book it. She should have checked with you first.

I'd be more vague next time

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy. Holidaying with friends needs to be discussed & planned properly. The fact that she's not even a close friend makes it even more eurgh. Me & DH have never holdidayed with even our very closest bestest friends. DH works very hard and often weekends meaning our holidays are just for us. It's a tricky one. There's not a fat lot you can do however as its all booked. I'd be annoyed at her assumption, some folk are just like that.

You'll have to do lots of planning beforehand if possible. Excursions & sightseeing maybe? At least the children get on so a coffee together whilst on holiday maybe a few times won't be too bad. Just to keep things friendly. HTH.

I would honestly be beyond raging.
We go on holiday very rarely so it's a massive deal when we do, it's for family time & relaxing, I don't want to see anyone we know.

This would ruin it for me completely.
Is there absolutely no way you can change dates or accommodation.

Omg I'd be furious if someone did that to me. Be great for her I imagine as she want her kids to have friend whilst on holiday. Did you actually discuss going together? My holidays with ds14 are our magical time together.

Why should the op "try to keep things friendly" ?
I'd be raging and I wouldn't be hiding it.

Fanny ... I totally agree. We were out in turkey last year and at breakfast one morning I saw someone I knew. Just felt weird.

Some people really are thick as mince. Why the hell would she just book the same holiday as you and not discuss it? It's really weird but after reading this forum for three years I can see there are lots of people out there with no social boundaries whatsoever.

Wow that's bonkers! Can you cancel / change dates? I'd do that (and not tell her).

I would be doing my level best to change my holiday. The holiday company might be sympathetic if you exchange rather than cancel.

I would tell her if I did manage to change.

If I change then not only would there be penalties but it would mess up the DC friendship wouldn't it? She'd be very cool towards my DC eg not inviting them over and to parties etc. too risky.

I'd take the risk.

*wouldn't tell her

If I change then not only would there be penalties but it would mess up the DC friendship wouldn't it? She'd be very cool towards my DC eg not inviting them over and to parties etc. too risky.

And?

Could you change dates (obvs if can afford penalties) and say you've had to change because of something like a PIL anniversary? Cousins birthday? Uni friends hen night?

Well based on your last post, I think you have to just make the most of it then. I mean, unless you can change it and then explain to the other mum (very close to the date) that you've had to change dates for some other reason. Dishonest obviously.

I wouldn't tell her. Wait until you get a text 'where are you' and respond 'Corfu' and then wait for the response...[assuming that Corfu is nowhere near where she is].

Bit too Single White Female for me. In future, never tell people dates if you tell them venue; or vice versa.

You need to be totally honest with her.

I've had family members jump in on my holiday and told them straight that it might be nice to share the odd meal etc, we won't be living in each other's pockets.