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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to share my holiday

138 replies

spababe · 11/01/2016 09:31

Can't say too much as don't want to out myself but one of my friends and I were discussing holiday plans and without being invited she has now told me she has booked the same holiday on the same dates. The children get on well and I'd invite her for a coffee but we're not bosom pals and anyway i think the point of a family holiday is to spend quality time with your own family. She gave no indication she was going to do this just presented it as a fait accompli.

OP posts:

CrazyMaizie · 12/01/2016 10:48

Should add though that it was a ski holiday so we were all out doing our own thing during the day.

Marynary · 12/01/2016 10:48

The thing is, though, that organising company for older children is something OP should be able to choose, it shouldn't be foisted on her. If OP ignores friend, declines invitations to share tables or go on outings with her, friend is liable to take massive offence. It's all so unnecessary.

I don't disagree that the friend should have discussed it first. However, considering that she didn't discuss, OP isn't under any obligation "share" her holiday. Under the circumstances, I think it is unlikely that the friend will expect to eat and go on outing together all the time and if she does it is her problem. I really don't get all the angst.

Marynary · 12/01/2016 10:49

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne They are teenagers....

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/01/2016 14:35

I must have missed the post saying they are teenagers Mary ! Thought I'd read all the OP's posts even if I'd skimmed some of the others - obviously not In that case why on earth are people rabbiting on about the OP being used as a babysitter! Guess I'm not the only one guilty of not rtft properly!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/01/2016 14:39

Although I've just scanned through and can't find anything the OP has written saying they are teens - so maybe it wasn't me not rtft...

Marynary · 12/01/2016 14:47

Although I've just scanned through and can't find anything the OP has written saying they are teens - so maybe it wasn't me not rtft...

Hi, no she hasn't mentioned it on this thread but there have been others where she has mentioned having teenagers. Perhaps I shouldn't have looked but I was curious.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/01/2016 14:56

That's fair enough Mary - I always get annoyed by people who reply having not read all the OP's own posts at a minimum, so was embarrassed I appeared to have done that myself, then scanned back through and exonerated myself :o

spababe why didn't you say your kids are teens? That would probably have got you quite different responses - especially the ones about babysitting, and about the kids not knowing their friends are going to be there unless you tell them (clearly teens are going to talk to one another about this unless the other mum hasn't told her teens).

It remains weird and a bit awkward that the other adult(s) booked the same holiday on the same dates without consulting you, but teens having somebody to hang out with on holiday is a whole different ball game to small children who need closely supervising!

Knowing they are teens I'd say a massive question has been missed out - how do your teens feel about going on holiday with just mum and dad versus having some of their friends from home staying in the same place to hang out with when having a pool/ laid back day?

Is the problem actually that you know your teens would rather hang out with their mates than you and DH and you want to enforce the nuclear family only time?

Shakey15000 · 12/01/2016 15:04

Perhaps it's just me then but even with them being teenagers I'd still be mightily pissed off

CakeFail · 12/01/2016 15:11

Hmmmm the fact they are does put a slightly different spin on things, but I still think the other mum was very cheeky if not weird to book the holiday without discussion.

If they are older teens (old enough to do their own thing on holiday anyway) I think it's a bit mean not to ask them what they'd prefer. If they are younger teens (as in still need a babysitter in the evenings) I'd still go with changing the dates on the sly and coming up with an excuse as to why you had to do it. Tell kids the same excuse if necessary. Bit sneaky but it would save face.

CakeFail · 12/01/2016 15:11

*the fact they are teenagers sorry

Shockers · 12/01/2016 15:56

OP, the woman in question doesn't have an older girl and a new teen boy does she?

Can't help thinking we know the same holiday crasher!

Marynary · 12/01/2016 16:31

Hmmmm the fact they are does put a slightly different spin on things, but I still think the other mum was very cheeky if not weird to book the holiday without discussion.

I think everyone agrees that she should have discussed it first. I just don't see why OP feels it will mean that she has to "share" the holiday. It will be nice for the children to have friends there when at the hotel/campsite/swimming pool etc but there is no need for the adults to do things together.

Also even younger teens e.g. 13 to 15 don't require a babysitter when on holiday. They will generally be out in the evening too not tucked up in bed while their parents go out.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 12/01/2016 16:34

Did she tell you by text/email or face to face? If the former, you could just say 'Oh that's nice, maybe we could meet up for lunch one of the days'. Makes it clear you don't intend to spend the holiday with her and would only plan to meet up once. Then if she says she'd planned to do more together, you can explain that family holidays are sacred and for family only, nothing personal.

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