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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share my holiday

138 replies

spababe · 11/01/2016 09:31

Can't say too much as don't want to out myself but one of my friends and I were discussing holiday plans and without being invited she has now told me she has booked the same holiday on the same dates. The children get on well and I'd invite her for a coffee but we're not bosom pals and anyway i think the point of a family holiday is to spend quality time with your own family. She gave no indication she was going to do this just presented it as a fait accompli.

OP posts:
Original poster
spababe · 11/01/2016 09:54

errr Yes Doreen looks like I've learnt that the hard way!

And my DC would be upset as they like their DC very much

OP posts:
WickedWax · 11/01/2016 09:54

I'd be fuming and making it very clear to her that your holiday is for family time with just your family so she won't be tagging along for days out, meals, drinks, etc.

Marynary · 11/01/2016 09:57

I think she should have discussed it first with you but I don't actually see why it is such a big problem. Unless your children are very young it will be really nice for them to have friends there for when they are at the hotel etc. You don't have to share anything with the friend if you don't want to. You can just see them sometimes in the evening or not at all.

Oldraver · 11/01/2016 09:57

If she's that cheeky then I can see you being used to babysit

Fairiesarereal · 11/01/2016 09:58

How very weird Shock

Can you pretend you've had to cancel the holiday, in the hope that she really will cancel hers?

CakeFail · 11/01/2016 09:59

I get why the OP doesn't want to piss her off though. I always prefer to be honest and direct in most circumstances, but I probably wouldn't be in this case. There's no nice way to say "it's a bit weird you booked the same holiday as us without any discussion, but I accept we're stuck with it now, so can you just keep your distance while on holiday? Thanks".

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/01/2016 09:59

YANBU. It's very odd behaviour. Most people wouldn't book themselves on to their best friends' or close family members holiday without invitation, let alone the holiday of a school acquaintance.

I think it would feel quite stalker-ish TBH.

No doubt someone will come along to say "you don't own the resort" and to tell you off for being so "controlling" but that's MN for you. In RL it's strange.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 11/01/2016 10:00

Meet up with her and the children, forget your handbag, go back to hotel room to collect and have a nice lie down with dh....do not reappear until well after lunch... Repeat for the rest of the week

that should teach her.

PennyHasNoSurname · 11/01/2016 10:01

I think id just change it. Maybe just change weeks. Then if she mentions anything, just say you arent sure if it is going ahead as theres an issue with Annual Leave at work.

Id try and be a bit evil and arrange to leave the day after she arrives so you can spend one courtesy afternoon with her and when she asks about the rest if the week say you are going home tomorrow

DoreenLethal · 11/01/2016 10:02

And my DC would be upset as they like their DC very much

But surely they will only know that they are going to be on the same holiday if YOU tell them? They will not be expecting to be on the same holiday as their school friends usually will they?

If you don't want a shared holiday then take steps to ensure that doesn't happen. Or don't - it is your decision.

Birdsgottafly · 11/01/2016 10:02

What I mean by being honest is if she's making plans, say putting the kids in a club and going for Beauty treatments, the OP should say what her plans are.

I've never given someone that much power over me that I'd have a holiday spoilt, though.

Snowglobe1 · 11/01/2016 10:04

Urgh, I'd be totally fed up.

GruntledOne · 11/01/2016 10:05

Presumably OP's children may well hear about it from the friends' children. She's probably already told them.

Stormtreader · 11/01/2016 10:05

Make sure that she doesn't drop her kids off with you so "they can play together" and then disappears off to have a lovely time while you're free babysitting!

Orrla · 11/01/2016 10:08

She'll probably offload her kids on you to look after too, leaving her free to enjoy plenty of time with her partner.

I'm with you OP. Holidays for us are a time to reconnect as a couple, spend time as a family, away from our routines. No way would I want to hang out with another couple or mind their kids for them while they swan off for a romantic dinner on a holiday I've paid for.

BaronessBomburst · 11/01/2016 10:10

Contact the tour operator, or the holiday company, explain the circumstances, and ask if they'll consider swapping to a different resort or dates.
They may well do it for you!

gleegeek · 11/01/2016 10:15

Do you have a partner? What do they think about it? Would they be happy to take the blame for any change of plans? Change of annual leave/project must be finished/job interview etc? Then your dc might not mind so much if the holiday doesn't include their friends. Funnily enough we went camping with friends. Wasn't a great success as we are much more lenient on dd than they are on their dc - dd found she had a lot less freedom with them there and has asked us not to repeat it!

WelshMoth · 11/01/2016 10:18

3 different families are heading off to same resort this summer BUT it was pre planned and discussed. Our DC play well together and U.S. Parents enjoy a laugh together. Me won't be in each other's pockets but we planned this.

I wouldn't be happy tbh and would consider being honest with tour operator and asking to move sites/resorts. You never know, they may be helpful

TPel · 11/01/2016 10:19

I agree. She is planning to offload her DC on you.

You really must cancel. If you don't the relationship you have, albeit distant, will be irretrievably damaged. I would make up an excuse, take the financial hit and book elsewhere.

WelshMoth · 11/01/2016 10:19

Us NOT U.S.

CakeFail · 11/01/2016 10:20

Oh you could swap resorts and then say you got it wrong the first time you told her. You could say you were considering both and got mixed up?

BearsAndAngels · 11/01/2016 10:20

I'm with you OP too, I'd be really p**d off!

At very least I'd have a chat with her along the lines "this is a bit awkward, but DH and I really value time with just our family on holiday, so whilst on one hand it will be lovely that you are there too, we would appreciate some family time as well"

On the plus side, I can see it could be fun for DC having their friends around - we've often noted that if the DC are happy it makes for a relaxing holiday.

If you can't change it, just be as positive about it as you can, it might make a nice change as a one-off!

Marynary · 11/01/2016 10:24

I don't really get why you feel that you have to "share" your holiday with her just because you are going to the same place. She may have no intention of sharing anything with you but may feel that it will be nice for all your children to have someone to do stuff with when they are at the hotel etc.

expatinscotland · 11/01/2016 10:24

Change the dates. Don't tell her. Then at the last minute say you or your H had a work conflict so you had to change dates.

Shakey15000 · 11/01/2016 10:25

I'd be seriously pissed off.

I'd do what a pp suggested, ring and ask to change dates free of charge (worth a shot). Failing that, pay to change and come up with an excuse. And hope she doesn't change also. Or change and be honest. Arrggh! Bloody cheek.