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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Re Christmas Money

127 replies

Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 15:02

DSCs have £60 each for Xmas they are 8 & 10.

I have always tried to guide my DC into saving money gifted to them for something they really want.

OH takes his DCs to large toy store and lets them blow it on whatever they want (today 3 days after Xmas when they have been given loads of lovely gifts) - one has an armful of soft toys when she already has loads at home.

I suggested to him (out of earshot of the kids) that he should be guiding them a bit more in the value of money (as he constantly moans about how crap and frivolous with money their mum is) and into saving their money for something they really want. He has now relayed this to the DC who are upset and pissed off as they thought they could buy whatever they wanted like a trolley dash round the toy shop. I said it's none of my business at the end of the day I was just suggesting he should be encouraging them to be more sensible rather than blow it on a load of things they don't really want (or need).

AIBU and a grumpy controlling bitch?

What do others do?

OP posts:
TheBunnyOfDoom · 29/12/2015 15:04

They're eight and ten, let them spend their money!

Floralnomad · 29/12/2015 15:05

I don't think it's any of your business .

fastdaytears · 29/12/2015 15:06

Christmas money is for spending! If they regret their purchases then it's a learning experience for them and next time they might think it through a bit more. If they don't then they've got something they like. Win win!

DisappointedOne · 29/12/2015 15:07

DD (5) gets Xmas money from a few relatives. She chooses to spend roughly half and save the rest to blow on toys at our annual trip to Disneyland Paris.

HermioneWeasley · 29/12/2015 15:09

Agree with you OP, any money is an opportunity to teach them about saving and budgeting.

WeirdCatLadyIsFeelingFestive · 29/12/2015 15:10

Yabu, unless there is something they specifically want which they need to save up for, Christmas and Birthday money should be splurged.

We went out yesterday and dd(14) spent her £170 on graphic novels and manga. It took her less than half an hour. Xmas Blush

Supermanspants · 29/12/2015 15:10

YABUVVU They are just little kids having fun spending THEIR money. There is plenty of time in the future to be all sensible about the value of money and saving

Floralnomad · 29/12/2015 15:11

hermione that's true with your own children , the way I read it these are the partners children so it's up to their parents to parent them .

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 29/12/2015 15:13

There's no point saying anything after the fact. He didn't need to say anything to the kids until the next time they get given money eg birthday or Christmas. If you knew this was an issue you should've mentioned it before Christmas so you could all manage expectations

Personally I'm terrible with money. But I think spend half save half is a sensible for Christmas money. People often like to know what it was spent on.

It is really important for children to learn the value of money and about saving. But telling them they've done it wrong without having given them a chance to do it right in the first place is mean so you and DH abu

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 29/12/2015 15:16

DC are free to spend their money as they please, it was gifted to them rather than a physical gift.

Controlling parents are the reason I no longer gift cash or vouchers. It's too often seen as family money or restricted by insisting its saved etc.

Charlesroi · 29/12/2015 15:18

No, let them spend it and make no comment. But make sure that you don't end up buying them treats that they should have saved up for, 'cos that's how we all learn to handle money.

superram · 29/12/2015 15:18

I am a half spend/half save kind of girl-unless they want something specific in the sales. Maybe next year.

thelaundryfairy · 29/12/2015 15:20

You are not being unreasonable. Your partner was unreasonable for saying it to them after they had spent the money, if he agreed with you then he should have waited until the next round of birthday or Christmas money and explained about saving to his children then.

VintageDresses · 29/12/2015 15:20

I agree with you OP, but it's the first time I've ever found anyone who does (apart from my own parents)

FWIW my share of the deposit on our first home largely came from money I'd saved from birthday and Christmas presents as a child and teenager. DH had to sell his motorbike Grin

Caprinihahahaha · 29/12/2015 15:21

Do you have any idea why he felt the need to repeat your private comment to them. Was he just shit stirring?

ImperialBlether · 29/12/2015 15:21

It's pretty clear that your children will grow up better able to control their money than his will. His have an additional disadvantage that their mother is crap with money. Let him do what he wants, but don't be there to pick up the pieces, eg if your children save their money and want to buy something big in a few months' time, he shouldn't then give his kids the money to buy the same thing.

pocketsaviour · 29/12/2015 15:23

Did your H actually say to his kids "Sorry kids but Cutecat says you're not allowed to spend all your money at once this year"?

I don't think you're being U to make the suggestion to him that he should consider encouraging them to save, as long as you're leaving the decision ultimately up to them and not dictating "Now you're not going to spend all that, are you, be a good boy/girl and put the rest away"

It's good to give kids an idea of the possibilities and rewards of saving.

Chattymummyhere · 29/12/2015 15:24

Their money let them spend/save it how they want.

Mine get money and are told, you can spend it now but I won't let you spend it on tat just because or you can save it for another day when you want something.

They normally spend it on Lego or add ons for Skylanders/Lego dimensions. We did have a few nope not that as you've never mentioned that before this trip to the you shop so not today, we also make the eldest keep a tally of how much his got and what each items he wants costs. He never asks for more but we will put extra to it if it's around £5 and something we know he really wants other wise his made to think about what he wants more.

You don't just have to be a saver to learn about money, if kids never spend they never work out that although they want x/y/z they can only afford 2 of those items and need to work out which is more important to them, plus it's all maths counting up the money and keeping track of spending.

Eva50 · 29/12/2015 15:25

Ds3 (9.5) got £65. I gave him £20 of it to spend on anything he wanted, which he did, and have put the rest aside for another time. He loves having money to spend but would have blown the lot on cheap pocket money toys which would Have been broken by bedtime. It's his money and he will decide what to spend it on but I still feel it's up to me to help him to get the most from it.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 29/12/2015 15:27

The suggestion itself isn't unreasonable , nor in my opinion was it for you to mention it.

However they are his children and it is up to him to decide. I don't trying he should have mentioned you among the suggestion at all. Hats just shit stiring.

I would never have been allowed to blow my money on crap like that. Either choose something you really want or down half or save half would have been my 2 choices.

Funnily enough I am and always have been very good with my finances - I never for example run out of money before payday as I budget a certain amount per week and always have.

Chopz · 29/12/2015 15:31

Maybe get them an argos catalogue so they can work out over a few weeks/months what they would truly like rather then impulse buying. They might need to save to get the item too.

Lariflete · 29/12/2015 15:31

I always had to save half of any money when I was a child and like a PP, I ended with enough for my half of the deposit on DH and my first home.

I don't think you were unreasonable to mention that to your OH OP, but he really didn't need to mention it to his DC and take the shine off things they've already bought. He's just made sure that nobody is happy.

Katedotness1963 · 29/12/2015 15:43

It's Christmas money, let them spend it how they want. Work on saving out of pocket money.

abbsismyhero · 29/12/2015 15:45

he sounds like a shitstirer why would he cause trouble for you like that the kids will resent you now for no other reason than daddy is being a shit

fwiw my kids had a little money i negotiated what 7 year old bought with his (he needed lego storage and a part to go with his 3ds) dd (15) tried to blow hers but i pointed out she wanted games and could save for those rather than blowing it on chocolate and shit and ds 2 is clueless and i might use some to buy some more animals to go with his toot toot set but its his birthday next week so i might wait

i usually get them to save most of it unless there is something specific they want especially as ds1 has his birthday so close to christmas i save it and he buys outdoor toys later in the year because at christmas its all indoor stuff due to the weather

Hygge · 29/12/2015 15:47

DS has been given Christmas money and in most cases the people giving it have said so he can choose something he wants.

He's only six, but he understands the difference between saving it for something big or spending it immediately on smaller things.

But the choice is always his, and he knows if he buys a few things at £10 each he can't then also chose the one big thing at £50 or whatever as well.

In some cases I will tell him that if he saves half, I will give him the other half.

But as the money has been given with the comment that he should chose something, I wouldn't stop him spending it.

You were not being unreasonable to make a comment to your partner but it's up to him really if he wants to let the children spend wildly or wisely with money intended for them to choose their own gifts. I think he was being a bit unreasonable to mention your conversation to the children though.