AIBU Re Christmas Money

[Cutecat78]

DSCs have £60 each for Xmas they are 8 & 10.

I have always tried to guide my DC into saving money gifted to them for something they really want.

OH takes his DCs to large toy store and lets them blow it on whatever they want (today 3 days after Xmas when they have been given loads of lovely gifts) - one has an armful of soft toys when she already has loads at home.

I suggested to him (out of earshot of the kids) that he should be guiding them a bit more in the value of money (as he constantly moans about how crap and frivolous with money their mum is) and into saving their money for something they really want. He has now relayed this to the DC who are upset and pissed off as they thought they could buy whatever they wanted like a trolley dash round the toy shop. I said it's none of my business at the end of the day I was just suggesting he should be encouraging them to be more sensible rather than blow it on a load of things they don't really want (or need).

AIBU and a grumpy controlling bitch?

What do others do?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

why would you make a child who gets cash to give some away? give to who?

or did i read it wrong?

[Cutecat78]

I wouldn't make a child give money away tbh.

[DisappointedOne]

Having received a heap of gifts already they have enough for now and should be encouraged to save up the rest for later in the year.

Well, DD for one didn't receive a "heap of gifts" (and never does) so if she wanted to spend all of her Xmas money now on things she wanted to she'd be more than welcome. She'd rather save her spending spree for Disney though. DH and I have saved for her since birth - including Xmas and birthday money until she was 4 - so she should hopefully have a decent amount come 18. I hope in future that she'll decide to save more of her money long term, but for now I'm happy for her to buy the things she wants with her money.

[Cutecat78]

My DSCs received shit loads. A new bike each, laptops, a TV each etc etc etc.

[RubbleBubble00]

No need to spend £60 just after xmas. Unless they are teens and need new clothes or shoes then half would be going in the bank and half to spend. We do this at birthdays and xmas

[BlueBlueBelles]

Jesus cutecat, a new bike And laptop And tv in one christmas?!

[BlueBlueBelles]

They probably wanted to spend their money on tat as they get huge stuff on the day.

[Cutecat78]

We have them the bikes - the rest and more was from their mum.

[Higge]

A bike, a laptop and a TV for one Christmas - how are you going to approach next year - a quad, a car and set of sound system?

[Cutecat78]

Let's not go there - there is a back story and a very rich new boyfriend and two girls who are currently being bought spoilt.

[SaltySeaBird]

I split into three but none is given away! Spend, save and memberships.

This pays for membership to our local zoo, farm type place and another to a soft play centre (I use money given to me for my own membership) and gives us some lovely days out throughout the year. DD is only three so as she gets older we'll probably drop the memberships and she can spend that as she pleases.

I think once they are old enough to appreciate it nothing wrong with them spending as they please but at three she has no concept of value and doesn't really want for a lot, hence saving a third which really would be wasted otherwise. We also pay a monthly standing order into the same account for her.

[SummerNights1986]

I'm surprised at the amount of people that would allow their dcs to blow a lump of money on toys and stuff.

My dc are 7 and 5 and we have always encouraged them to save and spend it on experiences rather than stuff.

At first we had a rule that half of any money had to be saved. Then they spend it on an experience - they saved their money for around a year before we went to Disneyland Paris and really enjoyed going and getting it changed into Euros to take and spend as they pleased. They generally spend their own saved money on a holiday or big day out. Buy their own ice creams at the beach, their own rides at the fair. I think it's a good thing to associate spending their money with lovely memories iyswim, rather than toys and stuff that get forgotten about.

They've also decided between them to treat me and dh on occasion with a meal or an icecream or something when we're on a daytrip, which is lovely. Last summer we were at the beach and were queuing for icecreams and ds1 said 'Mum, put your purse away, me and [ds2] are getting these' .

We don't have a rule anymore because they volunteer to save money themselves, sometimes choosing to save more than half.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

This is why I now rarely give cash gifts. If I wanted to contribute towards a childs savings or something that should be a parents responsibility then I would do so.

What I usually am attempting to do is send the child a toy they want but I want the, to be able to choose it themselves

[Cutecat78]

To me it just feels so greedy to have a need to buy more after you have been given loads - I know this does not apply to all kids.

My DSCs break a lot of the stuff they are given within a week they don't care :/

[Iggi999]

But their savings still belong to them! They can just put smaller amounts together to enable them to buy something bigger.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

So if said child said to me actually sock I really fancy building up a fuck Ton load of money in a bank account, then chances are I would say "how admirable I will send you half a fuck ton load of money to start you off"

If said child said to me "I really want an Xbox one" then I would think great let's give said child x% of an x of one.

It's parents forcing it that I have an issue with because the intention behind a cash gift from me would usually be "hey small person go choose something you really want even if it's a shitty Mr frosty because I want you to have something you really really want"

[BackforGood]

I don't have the complication of blended families and different influences, but, just for mine, I've always put their Christmas / Birthday money in the bank to start with. At any point, if they've decided there's something they specifically wanted to buy that couldn't wait until next birthday or Christmas, and is more than they could reasonably save out of their pocket money, then they've been able to take the money and spend it, but it has to be a specific thing they've done a bit of research on / really thought about.
It never bothered them when they were little (it's just what happened - all cash was put in the bank), but they are very appreciative now they want things like driving lessons and concert tickets, that are out of their usual budgets, that they have several hundred £ each, saved over their lives.

[Enjolrass]

It doesn't matter what they got for Christmas. They are all fairly grown up gifts.

Kids like tat and toys! This is something that he appears to do every year. So, imo, this conversation was one that should have been had during the year. Rather than waiting until last minute. They expected what they have done before and we're looking forward to it.

Your suggestion isn't wrong. It's not what I would do, but it's not wrong. It's a matter of opinion. The timing was wrong though, imo.

[Iggi999]

I don't agree that they really want a "shitty Mr frosty". That's what they want with the tenner they have to spend. With £30 or £50 to spend, they'd want something quite different, and probably more long-lasting.
I think a balance of random spending and saving for bigger ticket items is ideal, but couldn't do this if every relative who gave them a tenner wants to know what toy the tenner was spent on, there'd be none to save up.

[Mlb123]

The money was in place of gifts so they could pick gifts of their choice. I do think they should be allowed to spend it on the presents they want as they would have got presents if they didnt get money iyswim. I think you are thinking too much about it and it is not really your choice to make or worry over.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If they want something that costs £30+ surely they might know they want it or have a vague idea that they do.

As opposed to at sometime in the future you may want something that costs x.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Fwiw I hankered after a Mr frosty from the 80's finally got one a couple of years ago because my mum sent ME IT.

Yes it was really shitty but that didn't stop me wanting it for a lot of my youth.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

father christmas brought me mr frosty when i was about 8, i was soooooooooooooooooooo thrilled by it

best xmas pressie i had, and 2nd best was a little cooker,think barbie/sindy and had orange kettle/saucepan,pans etc and when put on the cooker it made bubbling/boiling/whistling noise, take it off and noise stopped - was fab

[HerdOfRhino]

They've also decided between them to treat me and dh on occasion with a meal or an icecream or something when we're on a daytrip, which is lovely. Last summer we were at the beach and were queuing for icecreams and ds1 said 'Mum, put your purse away, me and [ds2] are getting these

If I gave a child money, and they spent it on a meal for their parents I would be unhappy.

[Tinseltears]

I think, YABU to influence how your DP's children spend their money.

However on the topic, I agree that the sensible option would be to save some, spend some, although I think I would make an exception if it's something that the DC's really want and have for some time.

As someone that has just bought her own house, I wish my parents had put my birthday and Christmas money away for me. I can't remember what I bought with it at the time but I really could do with it now!