AIBU Re Christmas Money

[Cutecat78]

DSCs have £60 each for Xmas they are 8 & 10.

I have always tried to guide my DC into saving money gifted to them for something they really want.

OH takes his DCs to large toy store and lets them blow it on whatever they want (today 3 days after Xmas when they have been given loads of lovely gifts) - one has an armful of soft toys when she already has loads at home.

I suggested to him (out of earshot of the kids) that he should be guiding them a bit more in the value of money (as he constantly moans about how crap and frivolous with money their mum is) and into saving their money for something they really want. He has now relayed this to the DC who are upset and pissed off as they thought they could buy whatever they wanted like a trolley dash round the toy shop. I said it's none of my business at the end of the day I was just suggesting he should be encouraging them to be more sensible rather than blow it on a load of things they don't really want (or need).

AIBU and a grumpy controlling bitch?

What do others do?

[knobblyknee]

Save half spend half, and dont repeat adult conversations to the kids.

[thesnailandthewhale]

I had a similar situation when I was with my ex. My ds has been brought up to save it unless there is something he particularly wanted, his ds can't get to the shops quick enough to spend it. I didn't feel it was my place to tell him that I thought it was mad letting his ds buy yet more skylanders when he already has tonnes and has even more at his Mums house. Likewise he didn't tell me he thinks I'm nuts for encouraging ds to save

After three years that we were together his ds had a grand total of £1.72 in his piggy bank, my ds has almost £10k in the bank, albeit £6000 of this came from an inheritance, the rest however is money that has been given to him for birthdays / Christmas since he was born (now 12) and the resulting interest on it. When he is old enough that money will be his, he may choose to blow the lot on sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, I like to think he will use it wisely but ultimately its his choice. Personally I feel teaching children the value of money is one of the most important lessons we can give them. Each to our own I guess

[SongOfTheLark]

YABU in that its not your business. We let our DC do this with their birthday/christmas money a lot of the time. other times they pooled it and managed to get a very nice swing set they got so much for their respective birthdays!

If they spend it on crap they later regret thats a lesson learned imo. DD (now 8) has form for that and is a lot more careful now than she used to be. cant be a bad thing can it?

[Cutecat78]

Sorry they hadn't already bought it they were still in the shop - I went for a little walk and kept out but by the time I got back they had revised their desicion and one of them has decided to save £25 the other out the cuddly toys back.

[witsender]

Mine are only 5 and 3 and get plenty of bits at Christmas so I put any of their money straight into their bank accounts without even discussing it with them. If they ask for something specific later in the year, or there was something specific they missed at Christmas then it is there for that.

[Perniciousness]

OP, their dad thought it was a fun idea so I think you were being unreasonable to mention it.

My Dad used to give my DC smash money with big sticker on it saying something along the lines of 'for wasting only'. He would have been dissapointed if they had saved it.

I'm my experience It's complicated enough raising your own kids so best not worry about other people's. Iyswim

[frazzledbutcalm]

I kind of agree and disagree with lots of you. It's their money, let them choose how/when to spend it. As a pp said, it was money given in place of a present, so dc should be allowed to buy a present with it if they want. Teaching the value of money/saving etc is great/essential. However, given todays throwaway society it's more difficult to teach this imo. I have 4dc, all have been brought up the same - dc1 (22) and dc3 (12) are excellent with their money and always have been, dc4 (10) is good, dc2 (16) if she has a pound it must be spent! Their attitudes and understanding of the true value of money changes as the get older and more mature. My spendaholic 16 year old is now much more careful with her money, she's now got a part time job (whilst also at college) and truly appreciates her money. She bought us all lovely, thoughtful gifts for Christmas (of her own accord) and was very proud to be using her own money. I think forcing them to save will backfire later on. Teach them, talk to them, help them understand, but also remember their time will come when they're older and 'just get it'.

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

My dds both got sixty pounds. The almost eleven year old went into town on the 26th and 27th and spent about ten pounds and they have both been and got their ears pierced today which was 18each. My six year old will probably save the other 42. She's good at saving. The eldest will probably spend it on rubbish.

Its her money to spend though and whilst o do suggest saving it. Its her decision.

I'd personally not of said anything in your situation.

[witsender]

But yabu, to be honest. It is absolutely nothing to do with you, whatever you think of their mother.

[abbsismyhero]

witsender its the dad who moans the mom is frivolous with money the op doesn't give an opinion

[Helloitsme90]

Op is with DP- I think she does have a right to make suggestions about their upbringing, she's helping bring them up too! I would not want my children to blow £60 on tat. I would let them save half and spend half. This was the rule when I was a child and I managed to save enough that when I passed my driving test I could buy my own car! It's sensible and means the house isn't inundated with toys!

[abbsismyhero]

i think you would have been unreasonable if you had said something to/infront of the children nothing wrong with making a comment to your other half is there?

[Womaloosh]

I'm with you OP...

[peppielillyan]

All fiscal gifts my child gets, go straight in his bank account.

[ImperialBlether]

Do you mean 'All financial gifts', peppie?

[peppielillyan]

yeah, same what i meant

[Buttons23]

Surely it's up to their father and if he wants to let them spend it then fair enough. I don't know why you said anything to him, it's his children and his decision and not bothering you in the slightest.

Mind you he didn't then have to tell the children.

[Cutecat78]

We are a couple we talk to each other about our parenting - sometimes it's helpful to listen to another opinion- doesn't mean you have to agree with each other...

[Cutecat78]

I wasn't actually asking if it was any of my business about my DSCs - I was asking what people this is reasonable regarding birthday and Christmas money.

I hate seeing kids be totally materialistic about money and not valuing things.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

I don't think you did anything wrong suggesting this. They're not too young to begin learning about money, spending and saving. In fact, I would say you care a great deal about them and want them to be wise with their money.

Then your dh passed on the idea to his dc and they of course are going to not going to jump right in with it, but yes, I think it is a good thing, ynbu at all.

I usually tell my ds when he gets money gifts or earns money that it is wise to save a percentage of it and put it in the bank, give away some, and then spend the rest on whatever he wants.

[Cressandra]

depends. If they want something that costs more than £60, by all means save it. But I was taught to save everything towards some mythical day when I'd think of something expensive I wanted - saving good, spending BAAAAD - and I never really spent it on anything. A whole childhood's savings didn't amount to much in the 'real world' once I got to uni, so it was more or less wasted. My brother spent nearly all of his on star wars toys, and I think he learned more about the value of money and got way more out of the cash.

I think that's much less likely to happen these days while inflation is so much lower. However I still think children learn more about money by making their own decisions on spending it, than by being forced to save it.

[fastdaytears]

I hate seeing kids be totally materialistic about money and not valuing things

Not sure that saving is any less marierialistic than spending is it?

[RoseDog]

My dd 12 is currently at the MAC counter in debenhams with her xmas money, her money her choice!

[Cutecat78]

I didn't mean saving necessarily I mean spending without thinking because you haven't had to earn it and then asking for sweets etc - I meant not knowing or appreciating the value of money.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

I'm with you. If DS had Christmas money I would not allow him to spend it immediately, he still has unopened presents so he can appreciate what he has before buying more. I wouldn't insist he saves it but would encourage him to put away half if he agreed.