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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Re Christmas Money

127 replies

Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 15:02

DSCs have £60 each for Xmas they are 8 & 10.

I have always tried to guide my DC into saving money gifted to them for something they really want.

OH takes his DCs to large toy store and lets them blow it on whatever they want (today 3 days after Xmas when they have been given loads of lovely gifts) - one has an armful of soft toys when she already has loads at home.

I suggested to him (out of earshot of the kids) that he should be guiding them a bit more in the value of money (as he constantly moans about how crap and frivolous with money their mum is) and into saving their money for something they really want. He has now relayed this to the DC who are upset and pissed off as they thought they could buy whatever they wanted like a trolley dash round the toy shop. I said it's none of my business at the end of the day I was just suggesting he should be encouraging them to be more sensible rather than blow it on a load of things they don't really want (or need).

AIBU and a grumpy controlling bitch?

What do others do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 19:11

Thing is not all kids get pocket money - my SC don't.

OP posts:
Specialsnowflake1 · 29/12/2015 19:16

Do you save all your xmas money OP?

Xmas money is given for the person to go and pick something they would like or not buy for themselves normally.

As a fellow SM I wouldn't comment on how my DP children spend their money and I would be miffed if my DD SM commented on what DD did with hers. Its not your place and you really shouldn't be talking about it in the toy store when the DC had picked out stuff they would like to buy.

ShatnersBassoon · 29/12/2015 19:16

Christmas money is generally given to be spent. Delayed gratification/a lesson in thinking of the future wasn't the intention, I don't think.

You should have let them spend it if they'd found something decent that they liked.

Akire · 29/12/2015 19:24

I give money for two reasons for a gift. Firstly if its a birthday where I might spend £20 on a gift but the family are struggling and would need say clothes rather than toys money gives them the option of spending the money on wheat they really need.

However when the family have several children of similar ages and I want to gift £20 for a game I often send money or the child would end up with 5 sets of monopoly so it makes sense to presume the child gets to pick a real present as if I was taking them shopping myself. Am bit concerned if it's know the norm for any gifted money to be saved away or only given half. My God daughter will grow up thinking I never gave her any presents!

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 19:28

If I was given money as a gift (it was from OH dad so IMO nothing to to with DSC mum) I wouldn't rush out to the nearest shop and buy anything for the sake of buying it.

I was given an Amazon voucher which I have bought a years supply of water filters with Grin

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 29/12/2015 19:32

Don't you think the person who gave you the Amazon voucher wanted you to treat yourself, not just use it as part of everyday spending? It seems a bit joyless.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 29/12/2015 19:33

Huge difference between an adult and child re christmas money, if your SC don't get pocket money then there's likely only two occasions a year they will have their own money so of course they will be excited.

If you live with their dad, am curious as to why your children get pocket money and his dont.

mummypig14 · 29/12/2015 19:35

There is no way I'd let my DS go and buy toys 3 days after Xmas!! If he begged for something that he'd wanted and not received, then fair enough. But to go and just buy impulsive crap is a ttotal waste!

Specialsnowflake1 · 29/12/2015 19:37

You used your Christmas gift to buy water filters? Why??

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 19:39

My children don't get pocket money - and even if they did why would it also be our responsibility to give his pocket money?

My ex does not give mine pocket money and would not expect to contribute if I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 19:39

I needed them Blush

OP posts:
Ragwort · 29/12/2015 19:40

I've always encouraged my DS to save most of his Christmas/birthday money - and luckily he seems to enjoy watching his savings accounts mount up. Grin. I wouldn't like it if he bought random tat, different if it is something specific for a hobby.

Akire - my DS is well aware that people give him money as presents and has to write the appropriate thank you letter, saying 'thank you for the Christmas money etc etc'.

Tricky situation if the children are your DSC though, best not to say too much.

ShatnersBassoon · 29/12/2015 19:41

I bet you have enough put by in savings to cover things like water filters Wink

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 19:42

My savings paid for Xmas Grin

OP posts:
BlueBlueBelles · 29/12/2015 19:44

Yabu. My dc get money at Christmas and free reign. More often than not they spend it on extra items to match something they got for Christmas (like extra lego set, mashems figures etc) or in this case Star Wars stuff (they didn't see the film till yesterday but are a little obsessed now and that didn't kick it until everyone had bought Christmas presents looks forlornly at the ninja turtles that cost a fortune and were the previous favourite thing

They don't get much, and some is vouchers, but it's their money and their choice.

They have chosen to save a little to spend in a gift shop with their on an outing in a few weeks, but it's their money, they're kids. To me it's money to spend on crap I won't pay for.

It's your DPs choice, with his kids. He probably really enjoys taking them and not having to say no in the shop.

tobysmum77 · 29/12/2015 19:56

I think yanbu but we're obviously in the minority. Spending all your money in some kind of supermarket sweep activity seems totally wrong to me

lunar1 · 29/12/2015 19:58

The way it was all done is horrible if I've read it right. You all got to the shop where they thought they were spending their money, they go off to chose, then get back to their dad and are told they can't spend all their money after all?

If that's the way it played out its pretty shitty for the children, they were made to feel bad.

I also encourage my children to save but don't agree with what happened here.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 20:02

No that's not what happened - they bought what they wanted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 20:40

There is no way I'd let my DS go and buy toys 3 days after Xmas!! If he begged for something that he'd wanted and not received, then fair enough. But to go and just buy impulsive crap is a ttotal waste!

^^^
This - and as a PP said as a step parent what are my duties exactly?

Their mum has no issue with my input she normally agrees with me over OH and we are very friendly - most of the time Smile

OP posts:
Higge · 29/12/2015 20:57

I don't encourage my dcs to spend Christmas money - it gets lodged in their account and they spend it when they want something - spending just because you have it in your pocket is something I attempt to divert.

MatildaTheCat · 29/12/2015 20:58

I agree with you. Children do need to learn impulse control and the benefits of delayed gratification. Having received a heap of gifts already they have enough for now and should be encouraged to save up the rest for later in the year. If they suddenly decide that the new game or whatever is the most important thing in the world in a couple of months the they won't be able to buy it. If they are then bought that thing anyway then it's a double whammy of not teaching DC the value of waiting and enjoying something a little later.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/12/2015 21:05

i think its good for children to learn to save, so ideally if get money then save half and spend half, the saving can then be for something they either really want, or stays untouched for 18/25yrs till they need a car/driving lessons /deposit on flat

can you tell dadddyblondes is a bank manager Grin

sure i read that one poster, divides into 3, save, spend and think 3rd was to give away Shock to charity?

Higge · 29/12/2015 21:22

i read that one poster, divides into 3, save, spend and think 3rd was to give away shock to charity I read this too but I'm not convinced by imposed rules.

BlueBlueBelles · 29/12/2015 21:24

I think saving v spending depends on the amount. £40-£60 I have no issue with the DC spending straight out (have you seen the price of lego?!) but any more than that they should be encouraged to save a little for later in the year or long term. Depends on the family budget and pocket money etc.

CFSsucks · 29/12/2015 21:38

I like the idea of putting half away but my DCs don't get huge sums of money. They had £30 each for Christmas so I didn't want to make them save some. DS wanted a huge Lego boat he didn't get for Christmas, it was on offer and he had some other money so he's blown the lot, as he got to spend his we took DD to the toy shop and she got to spend it.

If they got huge amounts I'd get them to put some away but I do think it's fun being a child and getting to splurge a bit of money. I always did this with any money I had as a child and I am excellent with money as an adult. Anything I wanted when I was younger I knew I had to save for it so I did.

I would direct them away from tat though. No child needs more teddies!