Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Merry Christmas - my ex has halved the maintenance

167 replies

Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 21:56

We split 9 yrs ago. For that entire time he has paid £300 a month.

He is self employed so I never went to the CSA as when we got divorced he declared he was earning £800 a month Hmm

He is remarried and they have two businesses - I suspect both in his wife's name and one of his businesses he can be paid in cash - often.

DS is 18 and has left school and has a job and pays his way.

DD is 16 and ex has this month halved the maintenance to £150 a week. Her bus fair and A'level cookery in themselves cost me £30 a week.

What can I do (if anything) I know if I take him to the CSA I am pretty sure he is paying me in line with what he is declaring tax wise.

He went on four two week foriegn holidays last year - it makes me so Angry

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 21:57

He refuses to communicate with me too - never replies to any communication.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 03/12/2015 21:59

Just go to the CSA.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:00

Am worried I will end up with less though if I do that - am sure he's calculated it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:01

£150 a month doh!

OP posts:
Chocamochalatte · 03/12/2015 22:03

That's exactly why I haven't gone to the CSA, I only receive £150 a moth for two children but am pretty sure he's earning a fair amount, but have the same issue as you as in he is self employed. My ex also won't contribute to uniform, clothing etc..

Grilledaubergines · 03/12/2015 22:03

But surely if ds1 is financially independent and pays his way the maintenance should halve?

AliceInUnderpants · 03/12/2015 22:05

Maintenance would be reduced once DC left education wouldn't it?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:07

Is should be proportionate and reflect his wages!!

£300 was crap but £150 is ridiculous considering I spend £12 a week on her bus fare to school, £20 on her ingredients before anything else.

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 22:08

Why do you need full maintenance when one "child" is an adult?

Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tantrictantrum · 03/12/2015 22:11

Tbh I think you are lucky he has paid for this long. £150 is a lot more than a lot of parents get. Including me

WhetherOrNot · 03/12/2015 22:12

So that used to be £150 per child. One is now an adult and not entitled to further maintenance. That leaves £150 for the other child. Can't see the problem myself!

Floggingmolly · 03/12/2015 22:13

Why should it "reflect his wages"? He's an independent 18 year old, no longer in full time education. If his wages aren't enough to support himself he needs to look at doing something else...

Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:14

I haven't been "happy".

He is self employed - I probably spend 2/3 of my income on DD he spends fuck all and takes no responsibility either. He has never helped with the school holidays, ditched the kids and never planned his holidays and weekends away around EOW when he had agreed to have his kids - yet refused to communicate .

Never been to parents eve.

The CSA do not half the maintenance when the eldest reaches 18.

My issue is he should be paying a proportionate amount which reflects his wages - he is not I earn less but am paying a hell of a lot more.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 03/12/2015 22:14

Do you work ? Can dd work ? Few hours a week on minimum wage or babysitting would pay the bus fare.

BlueJug · 03/12/2015 22:16

Molly I think op meant it should reflect Ex's wages.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:17

He has a partner and they have two businesses - together so their income should be equal?

God how sad that people who slam me for wanting it to be fair because we should be happy with what morsels our ex's offer us - seriously?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:18

Yes I work full time and 16 yr old DD has two part time jobs - she should seriously fund her own bus fare - TO SCHOOL?!

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 03/12/2015 22:18

Anonymous letter to HMRC about him being paid in cash?

katemiddletonsothermum · 03/12/2015 22:19

OP, sadly, you're screwed.

My minutes of consent order states that maintenance stops after DD's 17th birthday or when she finishes tertiary education.. as your DS is 18 and has left education then your ex technically doesn't have to pay maintenance for him anymore.

Ego please don't be hard on OP. This is a very difficult and emotional subject - I know, because I'm in the middle of it with my own bastard EX.

Flowers Wine Chocolate for you OP. You could try taking legal advice, but I don't think they will say anything different. The only angle you could try and take is to get exDH to provide evidence for his current earnings and to argue that costs have risen in 9 years and you need more money each month to contribute towards your DD's costs.

BlueJug · 03/12/2015 22:19

It's not much though, no.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:20

What do the HMRC do though?

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 22:20

I think you're getting slammed because actually not is fair but you seem determined to punish your ex by expecting him to pay for a child still that has grown up?

You put this arrangement in place, £300 a month for two kids, its been this way for a long time, now he's stopped paying for an adult whose working and you're out of pocket you want to change the arrangement? Don't seem right to me.