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Original poster

Merry Christmas - my ex has halved the maintenance

167 replies

Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 21:56

We split 9 yrs ago. For that entire time he has paid £300 a month.

He is self employed so I never went to the CSA as when we got divorced he declared he was earning £800 a month Hmm

He is remarried and they have two businesses - I suspect both in his wife's name and one of his businesses he can be paid in cash - often.

DS is 18 and has left school and has a job and pays his way.

DD is 16 and ex has this month halved the maintenance to £150 a week. Her bus fair and A'level cookery in themselves cost me £30 a week.

What can I do (if anything) I know if I take him to the CSA I am pretty sure he is paying me in line with what he is declaring tax wise.

He went on four two week foriegn holidays last year - it makes me so Angry

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IGotAPea · 03/12/2015 23:20

Ops wage is irrelevant, a parent has responsibilities regardless of what their ex earns, one of those responsibilities is contributing financially. Sometimes the RP doesn't need maintainance as they might earn enough themselves, doesn't mean the non RP isn't required to contribute their share.

You shouldn't have to be grateful either OP, it's shit that some other dad's pay less than your ex does, that's not your fault though and I think it's unfair to tell you to count yourself lucky, or be greatful because your ex isn't quite as shit as some other exes. (I'm talking about the ones who can afford and jump through hoops to pay less, not ones on genuine low wages)

Contributing to your child should be standard. I think it's shitty to make it look like you earn less to get of paying for your child. If anything happened to dh and I, I know he wouldn't be having our dd work two part time jobs when she needs to study, while he has several foreign holidays a year. Your cm would go down as ds is working, but not by half.

OP, I think you are getting a rough time, your money would go down, but not by half.

AndNowItsSeven · 03/12/2015 23:20

See you of course she would receive cms . Her dd is studying Alevels ( so eligible up to age 20 at that level if education) she could have fifty part time jobs, it's irrelevant.

PinkSquash · 03/12/2015 23:22

Ego a basic living standard for their DD at the very least, but you're so in favour of NRP paying next to nothing for their children so I won't expect you to understand.

hampsterdam · 03/12/2015 23:23

I can't believe some of the posts on this thread. You get child benefit and tax credits so ex shouldn't have to pay? Dd works so ex shouldn't have to pay? What you and your dd earn is irrelevant he should be paying a proportion of his wages, dd is still entitled a levels are classed as full time.
No he probably shouldn't be paying the full 300 but it's 20% for 2 dc and 15 for 1 so he should still be paying 225 if my maths is correct not 150. If he's been paying fairly at all the last 9 years.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:23

I almost feel like going to CMS out of principle and reporting to HMRS and just send him down the river.

It's his business but am sure he's her employee on a shit wage.

Argh.

OP posts:
reni2 · 03/12/2015 23:24

When is she finishing her A levels, OP, 18 months from now? You need to make plans now, he may well stop paying altogether immediately after, so if it is hard to pay your mortgage without maintenance you need to sort something soon.

Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:28

And no I am not in a low wage - I earn a good wage and am able to support my family and take DC on foreign holidays once a year. I am able to afford things for the kids and always place myself last as it should be.,

I was a single parent with 3 pre schoolers and I worked a bar job and did night classes and trained to do my job - sometimes I didn't eat to feed the kids like many many others.

While he lived the life of Riley - because he reigned all responsibility of our children to me and married a nut job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:29

I can afford the mortgage without his money but will have to make sacrifices again.

OP posts:
reni2 · 03/12/2015 23:30

I would keep in mind the CMS could correct maintenance down as well as up, so you might lose even more than you already have.

bessiebumptious2 · 03/12/2015 23:35

Actually, if he's paying £150pm for one child, what does that mean his earnings are?

Unreasonablebetty · 03/12/2015 23:35

I have two views on this,
Firstly I'd like to tell you that you really don't have it that bad off. I have had less than you receive for your child monthly than I have had in just shy of eight years for my daughter. Eight years!!
So please try to think yourself quite lucky he pays for your children at all.

The other part of me thinks, another fucking man that feels no way about shafting a woman he got pregnant and seemingly expects to bring a child up on not that much at all. Flicking sociopath scumbags.

Torn on this one.

K1mberl1 · 03/12/2015 23:37

It's not a fucking race to the bottom. Why should the OP be grateful her ex (probably doesn't even) contribute to half the costs of their children because some other people don't receive anything

This.

And for those asking if she spends £300 a month director on her kids - she doesn't have to spend it directly . If she lives in a house with her two teenaged kids, two thirds of all the cost of the house is for the kids and the maintenance goes towards as half of that .

So that's one third of the cost of rent, council tax, insurance, utilities , food as well as the kids clothes, tracked activities, pocket money . Unless ALL these costs for the OP come to less than £900 a month ( plus child benefit ) which I very much doubt , the father is not paying for half of his kids costs .

I realise its different now that one of the kids is 18 and working . But the Op has been on her own with the kids for 9 years , so she's been subsidising her ex for all that time .

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 23:40

Actually, if he's paying £150pm for one child, what does that mean his earnings are?

About £1500 a month after tax and pensions.
*depends on lots of factors though, how often he had them, how much he pays for other kids, if he gets any benefits of any type etc etc.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:42

He is lucky he has got away with being a tosser.

I am not "lucky" he has paid.

Anyone whose NRP hasn't paid is extremely unlucky.

OP posts:
hampsterdam · 03/12/2015 23:43

Bessie _if 300 was 20% of his income he's claiming to earn 1500 a month gross. But he doesn't just get to half it, it should go down to 15% so 225. Not 150.
I doubt he only earns that amount if he can afford 5 holidays a year.
Yes op count yourself lucky he bothers at all Hmm. Unbelievable. So because some men are complete arse holes the ones who are less arse like get a medal?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:43

He has not benefits, he has no other kids. He never has the kids when he should.

He has a new car every year.

I still drive the car we had 10 yrs ago when we were married.

OP posts:
bessiebumptious2 · 03/12/2015 23:43

OK, so if he's self employed then presumably that means that his income isn't necessarily consistent every month, or even every year?

Just thinking that it's entirely possible that he doesn't earn a massive amount (regardless of the holidays - it could well be his partner paying for those unless you've directly seen her bank account) and that he could be paying fairly and commensurate with his earnings. Plenty of people earn that amount.

bessiebumptious2 · 03/12/2015 23:46

I'm not making excuses for him, by the way. I'm just questioning whether assumptions are being made. Although you've just said he has a new car every year.... Hmm

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:47

How is his partner paying?

They run two businesses together. They earn EXACTLY THE SAME. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 23:48

His partner who when they first got together made allegations against me at work and persuaded ex to cut out my son, his step son completely.

OP posts:
hampsterdam · 03/12/2015 23:49

Even if he does only earn 1500 a month he owes 15% of. That as maintenance for 1 child. His dd who is in full time education studying a levels. Op Yanbu
He can't just half it

bessiebumptious2 · 03/12/2015 23:51

Hang on - is he self employed or is he a director of (his own) limited company?

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 23:53

OP you keep attesting to know the ins and outs of their finances? If you have this proof then take it to HMRC and CMS, if its just what you believe then you can't possibly know that.