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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Merry Christmas - my ex has halved the maintenance

167 replies

Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 21:56

We split 9 yrs ago. For that entire time he has paid £300 a month.

He is self employed so I never went to the CSA as when we got divorced he declared he was earning £800 a month Hmm

He is remarried and they have two businesses - I suspect both in his wife's name and one of his businesses he can be paid in cash - often.

DS is 18 and has left school and has a job and pays his way.

DD is 16 and ex has this month halved the maintenance to £150 a week. Her bus fair and A'level cookery in themselves cost me £30 a week.

What can I do (if anything) I know if I take him to the CSA I am pretty sure he is paying me in line with what he is declaring tax wise.

He went on four two week foriegn holidays last year - it makes me so Angry

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
rubymallorywhite · 03/12/2015 22:20

I don't see why his new partners income is relevant ......

ouryve · 03/12/2015 22:21

Do you not have any discount student fares scheme in your area? £30 a week is a lot, even where I live.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:21

How do these self employed fuckers get away with it - the CSA seriously need to sort this out.

My Oh isn't self employed and pays over £500 for his kids and travel to see them on top.

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:22

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rubymallorywhite · 03/12/2015 22:24

Should you not be chuffed your OH is making a decent contribution to his kids rather than sounding bitter about it because your ex isn't doing the same.

Men shouldn't get brownie points or gold stars for doing the right thing just because so many don't.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:24

I don't think he should half the maintenance - I still have the same living expenses - it does not reflect what he earns.

Her wages are relevant because I strongly suspect he puts everything in her name meaning if I went to the CSA it would look like he earns a pittance when he does not.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/12/2015 22:25

Of course I agree with you, I take the view that a parent is still a parent whether they happen to live with the child or not & both parents should be equally responsible for the costs of raising that child.

What you can realistically do about it however, I don't know.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:26

I am not bitter that OH pays - he should pay.

We do get screwed both ways though in circumstances too difficult to explain here.

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:26

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Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:28

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coffeeisnectar · 03/12/2015 22:28

If your dd is in sixth form and you are on a low income she may be eligible for a bursary.

My dds bus costs £60 a month which is crippling but once she started 6th form we claimed the bursary which covers it plus her books and extortionate PE kit.

As for your ex, maintenance is 15% for one child, 20% for two. As I've never had more than £20 a month I have always had to budget to pay for my kids myself. I get you are angry but I can see why he's halved the money as the oldest is now an adult. It's to be expected that both parents pay equally towards the children. Can you hand on heart say you've spent £300 a month directly on your children for 9 years? Not including housing as your ex has to provide housing for them but for clothing, food, travel etc?

Because I'm not sure a child needs £300 a month each. Even taking in bus fares and food.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:29

Last year he spent two weeks all inculsive in the Maldives, 3 weeks in New Zealand, two weeks in Thailand and 2 weeks in Bali. He had the kids 1 week in August and worked all day the entire week.

He can afford more than £150 a month.

OP posts:
LaLyra · 03/12/2015 22:29

Maintenance shouldn't halve when one child leaves education because you don't get double for 2 kids.

I think on the new scheme it's something like 12% of income for one child and 17% for two.

thelouise · 03/12/2015 22:29

I totally understand that you have the same living expenses but your DS is a working adult. You said he pays his way, so hopefully you're recouping some of the 'lost' maintenance.

Fuckitfay · 03/12/2015 22:29

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FriendofBill · 03/12/2015 22:30

YANBU, can't believe the reaction you have had on here.

Maybe (as he is so out of touch) he genuinely thinks you are pocketing some of the money.

Could you document a months expenses and ask that he kindly reconsiders?

Is your eldest entirely self supporting? Document that expenditure too.

Flowers
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:30

WHAT?! I have paid £780 a month mortgage a month - ex contributes nothing to that but owns 30% of my house.

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:31

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7Coffees · 03/12/2015 22:32

The reality is that teens actually cost more to keep...why can't the ex at least give the kids some pocket money? Yanbu op.

TreesInSpace · 03/12/2015 22:32

Your daughter gets child benefit of around £30 a week surely?MAnd she has two part time jobs? And you may well be getting Working Tax Credit for her too of around £100 a week.

Why can't she afford her bus fare?

I get a fiver a week for my two children in child support.

Shouldn't you be a little more grateful that you get £300 a month in child support? Hmm

Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:33

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bessiebumptious2 · 03/12/2015 22:33

So if your eldest is now working and therefore an adult, why isn't he paying board? That would make up the difference in child support payments you're now missing, if things are tight. Why shouldn't he pay for himself, even if it's a small amount?

That's what DP's ex does with DSDs. In fact, she ends up better off because she charges them more than the reduction in child support!!

AyeAmarok · 03/12/2015 22:34

But OP, I think the point is that if 1DC is now grown up and working, they should be paying their own living costs. So I can see why one could argue that the maintenance would be halved.

Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:34

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SpendSpendSpend · 03/12/2015 22:35

I know what you mean op...

£300 for 2 children was 20% of his wage. One child no longer entitled to csa so the maintenance should be calculated on one child which is 15% if his wage so if £300 was 20% then £285 is 15%.

So he should of only reduced it by £15 a month not £150