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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Merry Christmas - my ex has halved the maintenance

167 replies

Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 21:56

We split 9 yrs ago. For that entire time he has paid £300 a month.

He is self employed so I never went to the CSA as when we got divorced he declared he was earning £800 a month Hmm

He is remarried and they have two businesses - I suspect both in his wife's name and one of his businesses he can be paid in cash - often.

DS is 18 and has left school and has a job and pays his way.

DD is 16 and ex has this month halved the maintenance to £150 a week. Her bus fair and A'level cookery in themselves cost me £30 a week.

What can I do (if anything) I know if I take him to the CSA I am pretty sure he is paying me in line with what he is declaring tax wise.

He went on four two week foriegn holidays last year - it makes me so Angry

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 22:35

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance/y

Try this OP, see how much it says you should be getting.

Oswin · 03/12/2015 22:36

ego, if as the opportunity thinks, the businesses have been put in the wives name, then he can just say she paid.
It's fucking shit.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:36

I get no tax credits because OH ex went to CSA and they deemed us living together (we weren't he is in the forces and was in Scotland I am in South West).

I lost them all and he had to up his payments to ex.

We are screwed both ways tbh.

I never got £300 each child. I got £300. I now get £150.

Makes me sad I am expected to feel grateful for anything.

OP posts:
SweetAdeline · 03/12/2015 22:37

It's not a fucking race to the bottom. Why should the OP be grateful her ex (probably doesn't even) contribute to half the costs of their children because some other people don't receive anything.

AyeAmarok · 03/12/2015 22:37

It's 225 Spend

That makes sense though, dropping it from 20% to 15% rather than half it.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:39

My wage is irrelevant TBH I expect my ex to contribute the same percentage of his wages to OUR CHILDREN which we chose to have together as me.

To be resigned to expecting less is sad.

OP posts:
Oswin · 03/12/2015 22:39

exactly sweet. Why the fuck should op be grateful? He's not doing her some kind of favour!

katemiddletonsothermum · 03/12/2015 22:40

Ego please stop shit stirring.

I'm going to bed.

Tantrictantrum · 03/12/2015 22:41

Well he could get away with paying nothing if he's self employed. I would brace yourself for this to happen

SpendSpendSpend · 03/12/2015 22:43

It is £225 my mistake

So ex husband is still paying £75 a month less than he should be

AyeAmarok · 03/12/2015 22:44

I think that, given 150 is derisory anyway, that you should just go to the CMA, and HMRC, and tell them about the holidays. If you end up getting slightly less then it's so low it probably won't make much difference.

He's obviously a twunt. I do wish the child maintenance folk would do their job properly and not let men pull these stunts with wages.

coffeeisnectar · 03/12/2015 22:44

Yes you got £150 for each child from him. It's assumed you are also paying similar for their upkeep.

And if your oh is in the forces he can still be deemed living with you if he spends leave with you and contributes to your household.

£780 a month on a mortgage plus council tax, bills etc must be an awful lot of money each month.

When you said low wage, I presumed it was an actual low wage.

So you don't qualify for tac credits because your joint income is too high.

We pay more maintenance for dps ex than I receive for both my children. And he's not working atm. So it comes out of the tax credits for my kids.

Cardbordeaux · 03/12/2015 22:45

8why should the OP be grateful to get £300/£150 on the basis that others are getting far less? It's not a race to the bottom! Instead of getting annoyed at her for wanting more, get annoyed at the people getting away with paying less.

OP, YANBU. The rate shouldn't halve and if you went through official channels it wouldn't have halved. Maybe it's time to seek professional advice on the matter? I also agree that you should consider calling HMRC about potential undeclared income.

Trees, child benefit for the first/only child is £20 a week, so the OP wouldn't be getting £30 of child benefit. She also won't get working tax credit for her daughter. She may be getting some child tax credit but it certainly won't be anywhere near £100 a week for one child.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:46

We are also paying more maintenance than we recieve.....

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:47

I never said I was on a low wage....

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 03/12/2015 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyAutumnScarlettRuby · 03/12/2015 22:50

I understand completely why you are upset and how you feel that your ex has been able to opt out of parenting and be clever with his income. I would feel as though the holidays were rubbing salt into the wound. Out of interest did he take his children anywhere?

However as frustrating as this maybe you have limited options. You could request an assessment which could take a considerable amount of time through CSA in which case he may cease all voluntary payments; you could accept that things remain as they are however unjust you feel they are. Personally I would be more concerned with how I would manage financially in less than two years time when there is absolutely no obligation on his part to pay if you are struggling now.

You really need to deal with the morally bankrupt father that he is and not the type of responsible father that you would like him to be. It's not necessarily right but it is legal.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:50

That doesn't say I am in a low wage - that says I spend a fuck of a lot more of what I do earn on our children - because I have no other choice.

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 22:50

I never said I was on a low wage....

No in fact you're on a bloody good wage from what I can gather, might be another reason EXH doesn't think you need the full £300?

up thread you say 2/3 of your income goes on DD. Plus you said £780ish mortgage so if that reflects the remaining 1/3 of your income then you're paid £2340 a month. £1560 you spend on DD.

Might be worth sending a letter to EX via recorded delivery, stating you expect to receive x amount or you will contact CM people who will look through his finances etc.
Might spark a change in attitude.

coffeeisnectar · 03/12/2015 22:51

Two thirds directly on the dd? Well taking into account mortgage and other bills you must be earning a lot.

bessiebumptious2 · 03/12/2015 22:52

Be careful what you wish for - if you involve HMRC and he does have undeclared earnings, then he will have a massive tax bill. Assuming that he may need to realise the capital tied up in your house and therefore have to sell, he also may decide it's not worth working.

Then you'll get nothing. Just thinking ahead. It does happen.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2015 22:52

I might have misunderstood - you pay about £1k a month on mortgage/bills but you spend 2/3rds of your salary on your dd. so at least £2k per month?

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 03/12/2015 22:52

No he took his children no where.

DS never sees him now he's 18 because he hates his step mum and his dad is totally under her thumb.

DD still goes EOW but he is rarely there and she gets left with her SM who she hates I dunno why she goes.

OP posts:
MonsterDeCookie · 03/12/2015 22:55

You can work the cms calculator backwards and see what gross income he would need to be making to give you 150. If you think it's over that amount - take the gamble and ask for it to go through cms. If hasn't anticipated you asking for more then it's less likely that he has tried to hide income in his business. CMS do look at dividends and salary. You just have to ask. He's only getting away with it because you are letting him. If however it's mostly his wife's income then you could end up in a worse position.

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