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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put deodorant on my DD while she sleeps?

157 replies

TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:19

I've never had this with my other DC.
Dd has only just turned 8.
She is a very active child and does many hours of physical activity and is coached 15 hours plus.
I've already noticed hips and breast buds appearing and a feint bit of public hair Sad
About a month ago we were snuggling and I caught a whiff of her armpits and the smell was really pungent. She showers reluctantly every day and I bought her a deodorant of her own just thinking it was earlier than the others but she'd get on with it like they did .

She was so upset and said I had humiliated her, called her smelly (I hadn't Sad)
I left it a week then Dh (who notices NOTHING) said her body odour was bad.

I gently persuaded her to give the deodorant a go after her next shower and she went into meltdown again. I'm starting to wonder if I should just apply t whilst she sleeps.
I've very aware of school and how nasty children can be and Is be so devastated for her if she had a hard time for this reason at school which is so easy(?) to fix.

OP posts:
MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 22/11/2015 08:26

The problem is that doesn't help her step up and address the problem.

I would sit her down for another personal hygiene chat and tell her to use it. Chances are you will have to do it more than once but hopefully she will get it and start using.

Peaceloveandpartyrings · 22/11/2015 08:27

I'm not sure what to advise but I started going through puberty at about the same age, started my periods at 10 and needed a bra shortly before that. My mum bought me a bra and I was so embarrassed I refused to wear it, until I realised how painful PE was when I didn't wear it and had boobs flapping about. She will work things out for herself I suppose - just keep providing the deodorant and be positive. Perhaps buy her some nice little-girl-friendly shower gel and get her to scrub a bit harder under her arms. Good luck.

ProfGrammaticus · 22/11/2015 08:27

She'll probably wake up though. And she needs to do it herself really. Can you get her to do it after her shower, rather than in the morning? Try a stick type if she doesn't like sprays? Tell her that everyone smells if they don't use deodorant, it's the same for everyone, and she needs to just get on with it?

Sirzy · 22/11/2015 08:28

Have you sat and gently spoken to her about puberty/personal hygiene?

Would she listen to an older sibling? If they are the type maybe they could have a pamper session together and a chat?

tobysmum77 · 22/11/2015 08:28

I think that you need to have another proper chat with her about how this is completely normal and isn't just her. It is part of growing up and her body changing. Perhaps someone has commented at school which is why she is touchy. Is she usually very oversensitive or have additional needs?

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:30

I know Majestic but she's only young And it seems to have really affected her, she's so sweet and diligent about everything else. Until she steps up I worry she'll get called out on it at school and it'll devastate her - she's such a sensitive child.

Ive had SO many of the "chats".

Applying deodorant by stealth just feels so sneaky, and wrong.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 22/11/2015 08:31

Won't she just wash it off in the morning?

Wolpertinger · 22/11/2015 08:31

Could you explain that it is normal for people to be smelly when they grow up and they have work v hard at not being smelly?

How much does she understand about puberty?

sandgrown · 22/11/2015 08:33

My DS was like this but I guess someone said something because he now showers at least once a day and the house is a fog of Lynx!

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:34

No additional needs (thank you for asking)
Hmm I wonder if something has been said, hence her sensitivity?
Older dcs have tried to no avail on even spent their own money buying her a mini travel sized one bless her.
I didn't want her to have a spray. I bought a handful of lovely smellies gels/soaps for her and made a lovely spa basket for her to make it new and personal- I went to a health food store and got her some solid sticks but no they remain unused.

OP posts:
Awoof · 22/11/2015 08:34

Is she a bit worried about growing up?
I think I woukd explain it as being the same as brushing her teeth. She doesn't have dirty teeth but she stops them being that way by brushing twice a day iyswim?

SaucyJack · 22/11/2015 08:35

It might sound obvious, but have you tried letting her choose her own deo/shower products?

My oldest two are 8&10 and they quite like sniffing round all the different products in Tesco to choose one when I take them shopping. Makes it a bit more of a treat than a chore.

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:35

Her training finishes late by the time we get home she has a light snack and a shower before bed , no shower the next morning.

OP posts:
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/11/2015 08:37

I think it would wake her up.

I don't know if I would work with your child but would being blunt be a good thing.

SunnySomer · 22/11/2015 08:37

My DS (not significantly older) would also refuse to put it on. We had to have several conversations about natural changes happening to different people at different times.
I forced him a bit (roll on, can't stand the smell of aerosols), then he went through a phase of pretending he'd already done it, then realised I could tell when he hadn't so we had yet another conversation about how if I could smell it, then everyone at school could too. And wouldn't it be MORE embarrassing if someone at school pointed it out? That seems to have done the trick as now he chooses to put it on.
It was a bit of a tortuous process, but it's achievable.
But I agree with PP - she needs to do it herself, or she will not learn and make it a habit.
Good luck

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:38

Awoof yes I think maybe. But I have gotten the older ones to talk to her about their cosmetics and nail stuff (she's not allowed that until older) and she doesn't seem phased but perhaps she is?
Saucy- no I haven't I've just bought stuff for her. She loves smelling potions and lotions that's a great idea thank you.

OP posts:
Awoof · 22/11/2015 08:38

I think you are doing the right thing btw. My mum never tried to help me out and I got told to wear deodorant by my Saturday job boss Blush

duckbilled · 22/11/2015 08:38

Maybe a grown up toiletry set for Christmas?

d270r0 · 22/11/2015 08:39

Take her shopping for a 'mummy daughter' treat and let her choose her own products - you get some for you at the same time. Shower gel, soap, whatever else she uses- and deoderant. If you let her be in charge of it hopefully she will be happier using it. Explain to her that as we get older, everyone needs to use deoderant and shower because we get sweaty during excercise. Explain that is true for you, dh, all her older siblings, everyone, and now she is 8, she can use it too! But let her pick her own.

Awoof · 22/11/2015 08:39

Or a trip to lush?all little girls love it

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:40

Thank you Sunny. I have had that very conversation and she responded with "if anyone is that mean she'll ignore them!" !????

OP posts:
bimandbam · 22/11/2015 08:41

I had this with my now 11 year old. I took her shopping and let her choose her own deodorant and nice shower gel. And prompted her every morning and every night as part of her routine.

So said 'right go jump in the shower, wash your hair, make sure you don't leave your towel on the floor, use your roll on and get your pj's on then do your reading'.

I had to check a few times (gently) and we got a bit of flouncing but it did work. Interestingly her pits stopped being smelly after a couple of months even without deodorant so she stopped using it. But now she is 11 and the smelly pits are back so have just been and bought her some more and will be reminding again.

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:41

Oh Awoof, mine neither!
Oh bless you Confused at least your boss said something. Hope they were nice about it.
It's one of those things isn't it, once it sticks you're the smelly kid forevermore !

OP posts:
Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:43

I think a day of leisurely choosing really lovely smellies for her is the way forwards- until then I might stick a roll on in my dressing gown pocket when I say goodnight to her this evening Smile

OP posts:
Scoobydoo8 · 22/11/2015 08:44

I would think showering in the morning would help matters, she might agree to that.