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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put deodorant on my DD while she sleeps?

157 replies

TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:19

I've never had this with my other DC.
Dd has only just turned 8.
She is a very active child and does many hours of physical activity and is coached 15 hours plus.
I've already noticed hips and breast buds appearing and a feint bit of public hair Sad
About a month ago we were snuggling and I caught a whiff of her armpits and the smell was really pungent. She showers reluctantly every day and I bought her a deodorant of her own just thinking it was earlier than the others but she'd get on with it like they did .

She was so upset and said I had humiliated her, called her smelly (I hadn't Sad)
I left it a week then Dh (who notices NOTHING) said her body odour was bad.

I gently persuaded her to give the deodorant a go after her next shower and she went into meltdown again. I'm starting to wonder if I should just apply t whilst she sleeps.
I've very aware of school and how nasty children can be and Is be so devastated for her if she had a hard time for this reason at school which is so easy(?) to fix.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 22/11/2015 09:45

We had the same, at age8/9 I just had to keep on and on nagging/reminding. I've noticed that there has not been a whiff at all for the last few months maybe it does go in cycles. Now having the same problem with her older brother, who got to 11 without needing it, he gets very angry if I mention he whiffs.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 22/11/2015 09:46

It's such a tough one! I remember my headmistress sitting my class down when i was about 9 and telling us we all had to think about wearing it. I suspect some parents weren't happy but actually it was great as we all wanted to/were able to chat about it etc and it felt far less personal iyswim (it wasn't because we smelt - it was just because we were growing up).

I'd talk to her again - and i'd also suggest using a cream stick rather than a roll on? That horrible liquid can stay tacky on your underarms for a bit whereas a cream sticky one goes on dry and stays that way, might be a bit more comfortable?

CassieBearRawr · 22/11/2015 09:47

I absolutely hated roll ons when I needed to start using deodorant (not much older than your daughter either). Refused to use them. Still hate them to this day.

Why not try letting her choose her own form of deodorant?

WyrdByrd · 22/11/2015 09:49

My DD also had to start wearing deodorant at 8, she is now 11 and tbh still needs a fair bit of encouragement, more with washing thoroughly though. She has a bath every night and a wash in the mornings but isn't always thorough enough.

I do think that when going through puberty they get hormone surges as sometimes my DD can go several days without me noticing a whiff, and other times, even when I know she's washed and put deodorant on in the morning, she comes out of school smelling like a 3-day old meat pie Confused!

I have resorted to Mitchum when she's doing exercise tbh, which is probably not ideal but it does work.

DingbatsFur · 22/11/2015 09:51

She doesn't need deoderant, she just needs to make sure she gives her arm pits a decent wash with soapy water in the shower, then the problem will go away. The smell is caused by sweat and bacteria. Remove the bacteria and there you go!
Please do not apply antiperspirant to an 8 year old.

Littlecaf · 22/11/2015 09:52

I was so embarrassed about growing up, I got my period at 11 and just wanted to curl up in a ball and not grow older. The same for bras and deodorant. Perhaps she doesn't want to grow up?

While my mum bought me deodorant and sanitary towels and a razor, she always made it clear (not in a hippy way) that deodorant and shaving legs/pits/wearing a bra were optional, society expects us to not smell or have hair or saggy boobs (but clearly I needed to use sanitary towels etc) but I'd be more comfortable if I used them. Reluctantly I did.

There are lots of people who don't use deodorant. It's not nice for the rest of us, and she might get comments, but she really doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. It is her body after all.

BoboChic · 22/11/2015 09:54

Just explain to your DD that using deodorant is a non-negotiable part of her personal hygiene routine. It's not hard!

DingbatsFur · 22/11/2015 09:54

www.nhs.uk/conditions/body-odour/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Also, is she eating anything particularly interesting or strong tasting? Say cheese and onion crisps? That can come out in your sweat and make it worse.

WhirlwindHugs · 22/11/2015 09:56

Some kids do just get really embarrassed about it. She needs to accept that she is growing up and life is changing, and at 8 of course that is really hard, she is still a child.

You sound really caring - I'm sure she will get there eventually.

BoboChic · 22/11/2015 09:57

DC are much more likely to be embarrassed about puberty when their parents are ambivalent about their DCs growing up. Embrace it and your DC will follow your lead.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/11/2015 10:06

Ppeatfruit the op has other children so I doubt it's to do with washing.

SarahSavesTheDay · 22/11/2015 10:11

My youngest started having pungent underarms at 8 - I don't think it's fantastically unusual. Soon enough her friends will be wearing it and this issue will fall away.

I really doubt an 8 year old who showers regularly could acquire enough 'smell' to actually smell. So I wouldn't worry too much about the transitional period. She'll get on board soon enough.

Vap0 · 22/11/2015 10:17

It might be the smell of deodorant she doesn't like. She may not like being the odd one out at school of smelling of something. This is brilliant stuff. I used to be so conscious of smelling after a warm or energetic day but never get it anymore unless I forget to put this on. Mine has lasted for a year at least and is still has about half left.

www.naturisimo.com/products.cfm?id=738&gclid=CI7CipPmo8kCFePnwgod-_sBZQ

RoseDog · 22/11/2015 10:24

I agree with the posters saying just tell her and be blunt about it, my dd would have been a drama llama about deodorant if I'd let her, she was about 8 when she started getting whiffy, she's 12 now and I still have to remind her almost everyday!

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 10:25

Alittlecaf, I'd have to strongly disagree with you there. It might be somebody's body and their choice but I don't think it's fair if I have to sit next to a work colleague who reeks of bad BO that's just gross. Ditto not brushing teeth etc. Some things are a given in this day and age and with the luxuries we have there's no reason to stink or not wash. It's non negotiatiable- but it's doing it in a way that won't upset her.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 10:26

Thank you Vap I will order some , I think a stick and at her than aerosol/roll on is the way forward.

OP posts:
teacherwith2kids · 22/11/2015 10:30

DD - dancer, very active, earlier developer than many - has Dove super-powerful cream deodorant / antiperspirant stuff that has to be put on every night, rather than in the morning.

For her, that was a far easier routine to get into - shower / bath, deodorant, PJs, teeth, bed. Then in the morning she could just fall out of bed into clean clothes. It was also easier for me if she was reluctant - I still helped her at that point with e.g. hair washing, soaping her back etc, so could also apply her deodorant for her to start off with.

And it is BRILLIANTLY effective - especially useful when she's wearing costumes for dance shows / competitions. Tbh it was the perspiring visibly that bothered her, not the smell, and we got into it that way.

teacherwith2kids · 22/11/2015 10:31

(Dove has an 'odourless' version as well, so it's not obvious that she smells of anything other than 'clean' IYSWIM - certainly no stronger than many washing powder scents.)

VegetablEsoup · 22/11/2015 10:39

tbh if my 8yo would be smelling really badly I would
a) superwise washing. is she using soap+flannel to scrub pits&bits?
b) are her clothes smelly? try washing them (esp underwear) at 60
c) if proper washing doesn't work see the gp

Mabelface · 22/11/2015 10:40

Agree with just telling her that it's non negotiable. Shower, deodorant. If she has a drama moment about being told that she smells, say yes, she does, and here's how to stop smelling.

VulcanWoman · 22/11/2015 10:41

Leave her to it, if it takes someone at school mentioning it then so be it. You can't physically apply it yourself, she'll just rebel even more.

FrancesOldhamKelsey · 22/11/2015 10:43

8/9 year olds can go through a temporary stage where they get up in the morning squeaky clean in fresh clothes, run around a bit a break and instantly develop a pong that could fell birds at twenty paces. Hygiene is always good of course but it won't stop that sudden hormonal wiff. It's not a bacteria breeding over time thing like normal BO, I think it's the fact that their sweat itself suddenly smells really bad.

specialsubject · 22/11/2015 10:44

she's made of chemicals and lives in a world full of them.

there's no excuse for bullying. But people lucky enough to live in houses with washing facilities need to use them. There's also no excuse for being smelly. i know 8 is a bit early for all this but that's just how it is. So she needs lessons in washing properly with our favourite chemical, and soap/shower gel (more chemicals) and that she needs deodorant.

VulcanWoman · 22/11/2015 10:51

Vap those deodorant you suggested look good, I've been using the Bionsen deodorants which I like but they're just not strong enough in the summertime with my active job, are these salt of the earth strong? sorry OP for side tracking. I've just had a look, you can get the salt of the earth ones in Holland and Barrett if that's any easier for you OP.

BoboChic · 22/11/2015 10:57

No wonder the NHS is running out of money! Lots of posts about seeing the GP rather than dealing at home with routine personal hygiene issues such as BO and earwax...