Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put deodorant on my DD while she sleeps?

157 replies

TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:19

I've never had this with my other DC.
Dd has only just turned 8.
She is a very active child and does many hours of physical activity and is coached 15 hours plus.
I've already noticed hips and breast buds appearing and a feint bit of public hair Sad
About a month ago we were snuggling and I caught a whiff of her armpits and the smell was really pungent. She showers reluctantly every day and I bought her a deodorant of her own just thinking it was earlier than the others but she'd get on with it like they did .

She was so upset and said I had humiliated her, called her smelly (I hadn't Sad)
I left it a week then Dh (who notices NOTHING) said her body odour was bad.

I gently persuaded her to give the deodorant a go after her next shower and she went into meltdown again. I'm starting to wonder if I should just apply t whilst she sleeps.
I've very aware of school and how nasty children can be and Is be so devastated for her if she had a hard time for this reason at school which is so easy(?) to fix.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 10:57

Vulcan feel free, no problems at all the links have been super helpful

OP posts:
shutupandshop · 22/11/2015 11:05

I would be honest and explain that shes going through puberty early etc and tell her that yes she does smell.

VegetablEsoup · 22/11/2015 11:07

bobo
that's why I said to pay attention to hygiene first.
but no one (not even adults) should smell badly if washing well even if not using deodorant. so imo it's worth getting a medical opinion if someone smells bad despite good hygiene.

Ratarse · 22/11/2015 11:07

I'm sorry if I'm repeating as I know a few posters have recommended books and Kindle books. Maybe both sit down and read an age appropriate one, it will explain exactly why we sweat and how that turns to bad smell in certain places. It may be that once she understands what exactly is happening, and that it really isn't just her then she may be more open to a chat and some girly shopping. Show her what you use and how you use it. Sounds like she is just a bit self conscious and embarrassed, she is probably one of the first in her year to start puberty. My 11 year old daughter is yet to show signs, I was 15!

GreenPetal94 · 22/11/2015 11:26

The problems I had with mine was

  1. They weren't washing thoroughly under arms with soap in shower. With boys this was helped by letting them chose Lynx shower gel and dh instructing.
  2. They didn't like me buying products off Tesco order for them. They preferred to go with me and chose something like face wash for men etc that was their own thing and this helped to get washing face and reduce spots.

I'm sorry she is going through this so young, it is hard, she is just a little kid.

Sallystyle · 22/11/2015 11:30

My son was the same. Sadly at the age of 14 he has still not got over it.

He just doesn't give two shits if he smells. Making him shower is a daily struggle and if he had his own way he would sleep in his school uniform and wear it the next day. It's just one big battle with him. He does have some sensory issues and hates water touching him but I don't believe that is why he doesn't put deodorant on or would never change his clothes if I didn't make him. That part is just laziness and genuinely not caring about his hygiene.

I hope the ideas help you out OP.

Unreasonablebetty · 22/11/2015 11:42

Oh god, this is an awful situation to be in, I can see it's something that my daughter will struggle with in the not so distant future.
Is it possible that you might be able to take her shopping for something that she likes? Maybe including her in the deciding what she uses is a way to help make it seem better to her?
Does she know that you also use Deodrant? What about an older cousin?
When she's an early developer it is going to be hard to see that everyone needs to use it because none of her peers will be using it.
Bless her.
Hope that she manages to come to terms with it soon.

Snossidge · 22/11/2015 11:49

Could you do a bargain with her - eg. use deodorant every day til Christmas and you will take her to get her nails done for the school holidays/put some nail varnish in her stocking?

mintoil · 22/11/2015 12:00

Apologies if this has already been addressed, but I noticed you said upthread that DD12 doesn't use deodorant?

Do you think if she started wearing it and went out with DD8 to buy some together, this would work better? Or an older cousin or something?

I can see why DD8 thinks she is being singled out if her older sisters aren't wearing deodorant.

I had all this with DS and eventually took to telling him "You stink mate!" but he is a gangly 15 year old so of course it is different.

Best of luck OP, I am sure you will get there.

Brioche201 · 22/11/2015 12:03

I coach gymnastics and cam tell you catagorically tjat r to tell you that 8 yos can smell of bo.i have had to speak to patents in the past becausr it is just not nice for coaches supporting gymnasts especially as arms are often up, and to a lesser extent the other gymnasts

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 22/11/2015 12:20

I think you need a more Zero Tolerance policy.

Shower at least once a day, followed by deodorant, or things start being taken away - phone/Xbox/whatever she likes best.

You've tried gentle. Unfortunately this is one of these situations where she needs to just do what she's bloody well told. It's for her own good in the long run. Once a child becomes known as "The Smelly Kid" it's hard to live down. And it's being mean to other people to force them to breathe in BO fumes.

Get her told.

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 12:23

I like the idea of other 'grown up' privileges to persuade her that steps to care for a growing up body are a good idea.

Being allowed to paint her nails on weekends, or having her ears pierced next summer sound like wonderful bribes to an 8 year old!

Borninthe60s · 22/11/2015 12:29

I'd stop her using wipes under her armpits. Plain old soap and water on a flannel would probably be better. There could be something in the wipe making the smell worse?

ValiantMouse · 22/11/2015 12:30

Get her a spray- I hate any form of stick roll on. Sure have one out at the moment that smells lovely, Radiant Sunshine. (It's right at the bottom, of course!)

www.suredeodorant.co.uk/products/women

If she's doing sports, could her coach have a word? If they can come at it from a 'use deo so you don't sweat and it'll help you to perform better' angle it might help.

19lottie82 · 22/11/2015 12:35

If anyone is washing correctly and frequently enough and their clothes are clean then they shouldn't need anti perspirant to stop them smelling. I'd focus more on these issues before worrying about deodorant.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/11/2015 12:39

Awww. It's such a shame that they have to go through body changes at such a young age. It's almost as though they never have a chance to be children.
Does she know about puberty. If not now is the time to gently explain to her about how your body goes through changes ect. And tgat people can start to smell. You don't have to go into how babies are made as its not really relevant at this point but if the subject comes up answer her honestly.
Why not have a day shopping with her letting her choose some nice deoderant and shower gel.

Wellthen · 22/11/2015 12:41

Lottie what are you basing that on? It is scientific fact that some people smell more than others, to the point that certain nationalities use deodorant and others don't. (people of Asian heritage produce less of the chemical that makes sweat smell)

I agree with others that it is a hormone surge - I shower and wear clean clothes every day but go through periods of being smelly if I don't use a strong antiperspirant. Unless I washed and changed tops several times a day I suppose. I can't understand why you assume that your experience is the only one.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/11/2015 12:56

I haven't read the whole thread. My DD started her periods at 8 and absolutely stunk despite daily baths and a clean uniform every single day. So, we had to have a proper chat and she started using anti-p. Problem solved.

Tiggeryoubastard · 22/11/2015 13:03

What's the point of putting anti perspirant on an already sweaty body? You need to put your foot down here. She's not showering enough. She's young, but at 8 having a shower and washing herself properly in it every day is not that hard. Though I would take her out to buy some shower gel of her choice. Then start to work on anti P.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/11/2015 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brioche201 · 22/11/2015 14:59

Get her a spray- I hate any form of stick roll on

Most Schools don't permit aerosal sprays (well obviously you can go wearing spray on deodorant, but not apply it after PE)

Brioche201 · 22/11/2015 15:00

I am not sure why this is an issue.She is 8 years old she does as you say.

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 15:18

These deos are lovely and are synthetic chemical free:

www.lush.co.uk/products/teo
www.lush.co.uk/products/aromaco

I use Teo. Gets around the aerosol in school problem, with none of the stickiness of a roll on. I hate roll ons with a burning passion.

SoWhite · 22/11/2015 15:22

I would avoid putting chemicals on her for a few more years.

Everything is chemicals!

To put deodorant on my DD while she sleeps?
CoraBeth · 22/11/2015 15:27

Two of mine, boy and girl had BO from five!
Despite regular washing. You couldn't smell it, but if you got really close it was on their armpits.
My other son (twelve now) has never needed a deodorant! We are all so different. Some families have members that all seem to have a foot odour issue. We don't have anyone with that.
You are a good mum. I needed a deodorant from about 11 - l danced everyday. My Mum didn't even think that l'd need to wash my dance gear, Let alone a deodorant spray!