To put deodorant on my DD while she sleeps?

[TheColourMyrtle]

I've never had this with my other DC.
Dd has only just turned 8.
She is a very active child and does many hours of physical activity and is coached 15 hours plus.
I've already noticed hips and breast buds appearing and a feint bit of public hair
About a month ago we were snuggling and I caught a whiff of her armpits and the smell was really pungent. She showers reluctantly every day and I bought her a deodorant of her own just thinking it was earlier than the others but she'd get on with it like they did .

She was so upset and said I had humiliated her, called her smelly (I hadn't )
I left it a week then Dh (who notices NOTHING) said her body odour was bad.

I gently persuaded her to give the deodorant a go after her next shower and she went into meltdown again. I'm starting to wonder if I should just apply t whilst she sleeps.
I've very aware of school and how nasty children can be and Is be so devastated for her if she had a hard time for this reason at school which is so easy(?) to fix.

I have had that very conversation and she responded with "if anyone is that mean she'll ignore them!"

Your daughter sounds like someone I would like.

You might want to try pointing out that the nice people would suffer from her being stinky, too.

It is actually possible that she smells worse to you and your husband than to strangers - has to do with sharing the same DNA.

If she doesn't wash her armpits in the morning (which is the only reason why a night-attack might suceed), I would rather tackle that than sneak-spray her with deodorant.

For many people (of European heritage) washing the armpits seems to be enough.

You could also go down the tack of thinking of nasty smells that she doesn't like - blue cheese, smelly drains, farts - and how it's not fair on her friends to smell a nasty smell on her?

@SoWhite: Don't be a smartass. You know that when people talk about "chemicals" they mean potentially harmful substances cooked up in laboratories ... and usually some that haven't been in use for more than 50 years, so no actual data on their harmlessness exist.

They are not talking about the "chemicals" in sage leaves that stop perspiration.

So she's doing 15 hours of a sport and finishing late at night ? Gymnastics by any chance? or another sport that completely takes over any available free time ?

My DDs coach said to all of them when they made the team (it's selection only) they must use deodorant and they must wear a sports bra - takes any stigma out of it for those who do need it and don't have it - and for those who do have it, they don't feel embarrassed

Can you approach the coach to support efforts ?

Vestal - yes, I am sure SoWhite knows that, but it really is bloody annoying if you are a chemist and you find the word chemical used as a catch-all reference for toxic substances to be avoided at all costs instead when it does in fact include substances from sage leaves etc.

@WhoKnows: I am also often annoyed when people talk about "gene-free" plants, meaning that there's no genetic engineering been used. I get that it is annoying, but I also think it is distracting from the topic being discussed.

Also, it seemed to me that SoWhite wanted to imply that man-made chemicals are in the same risk category as stuff that has been used for ages, and that annoys me.

Am I the only one who doesn't wear deodorant?

I stopped when I was pregnant and haven't used it since because there are so many phthalates and other chemicals in deodorant. I just make sure I wash very well in the shower. Don't think I smell too bad... but maybe I wouldn't know. NB I am not a hippy.

I agree that perhaps her clothes aren't fresh enough. Washing at low temps is all well and good for the environment but if just doesn't clean things properly.

40 degrees minimum, full length wash not 30 minute quick wash.

Make sure she's not too hot in bed. Is she sleeping on sheets with manmade fibres in them?

Make her get up in time to shower before school. That way, hopefully she won't need deodorant yet. Even if she's showering every night if she's sweating in her sleep it won't help much.

If she still needs deodorant after that then you'l just have to crack down hard on her in the same way you would over teeth cleaning. Tell her it's just something everyone has to do once they are not babies any more. Make it something she has no choice over, and she must get all privileges withdrawn each and every day until she's done it.

Your solution will not solve the problem. BO at 8 is early but not unusual. She will be shocked, poor girl is not ready for the changes her body is going through. You need to reassure her that it's normal and that it's what every girl has to do as her body changes.

Move along Vestal, you've missed my point entirely. I was trying to point out that I don't believe in all the bullshit preciousness surrounding children using anti perspirant.

Aluminium, for example, is one that people get arsey about. I do not believe for a second that the so called problematic chemicals in deodorant are any cause for concern.

If that makes me a smartarse, so be it.

Case in point: www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/cancer-controversies/cosmetics-and-toiletries#Cosmetics0

I'm a big fan of the Mitchum roll-ons, they're really effective. They do one that's unperfumed, just in case she's paranoid that the fragrance of other anti-perspirants is too obvious and drawing attention to her

You could suggest it as an 'invisible' product.

Does she know how much to apply? Just wondering if she's applying too little (hence the smell) or too much (and hating the sticky sensation while it dries)?

If that's not the case I agree with PP that she might enjoy a visit to Lush

From memory they have testers of most of the products available for you to try. Have fun choosing Christmas presents for her siblings/ relatives and some treats for herself, so the focus isn't entirely on her? I recall the thrill of the Body Shop at her age, but maybe times have changed

Finally could you resort to bribery - a little nail polish set from Primark/ Poundland for use at the weekend? Subtle french manicure shades and topcoat or something clear and glittery to be removed before school on Monday? In return she makes anti-perspirant part of her routine?

Agree with all the PP re. vigorous shower scrubbing and Usborne book

Haven't RTFT but I was this kid growing up - I had a lot of anxiety about puberty, in retrospect. It is hard. I agree that letting her choose her own deodorant and shower gel is a good idea.

Manta you can get pthlalate (can't spell it!) free deodorant, try Lush or Dr Organic (Holland & Barrett).

EnglishWeddingGuest - that's a really good point. DD's dance teacher made it the 'norm' to wear deodorant, and talked openly to all of them from a very young age about deodorant - she'll send them out e.g. to change shoes, have a drink and apply deodorant in the middle of long evenings (DD's longest evening is 3.5 hours). Making it 'normal' and routine for everyone made DD accept it really easily.

Thank you HA! I just realised I hadn't RTFT and I used the word "chemicals"! And I'm a scientist!!

I think maybe some people need it more than others. Like foundation - some people just don't need it. Some people (like me) need layers of the stuff slathered on to look presentable.

I just asked my DH. He says I don't smell.

I had such a successful day.
I loathe such things but I've done a peg line in her room and if she has 14 pegs (one per sticky free day) she will get a full manicure and a choice of nail polish and some pretty nail files to choose.
She loved choosing her smellies- we were sniffing my everything in Boots- she bought bath stuff, pretty face cloths, three deodorant sticks (she hates roll on ones (she said) and is so petite she can barely handle an aerosol) she bought one for her older sister
I would agree to what a few of you have said- I think my lack of wanting to address the issue and that she's growing so quickly(emotionally it's hit me hard) has made me act entirely differently to her. I also had a lot longer with the previous DC when it came to talk of puberty etc. I'm VERY open and matter of fact with them (friends send their kids to me to talk to them about such matters)
I can't seem to handle the thought of my baby growing so quickly {sick bucket}

Thanks we had such a lovely stress free day and I think the amount of Boots points accrued means I won't be paying for my own tampons for a while !
Anybody want a N07 voucher?

*Make her get up in time to shower before school. That way, hopefully she won't need deodorant yet.

Much rather apply a stick of deodorant than double the number of showers!

Anyway sounds good OP. I prefer the stick deo too, hate roll on and how sticky it feels.

Yes I don't want her showering twice a day unless she gets really mucky.

Glad to hear you've had a good day OP. I totally get what you are saying about them growing too quickly. I was utterly horrified when my DD started her periods at 8, I just didn't see it coming at all, I was nearly 14 when I started mine. To then have to address all the things that go with it, as you are having to do, was pretty awful really. However, once it was all under control, things were fine. You've handled it all really well

for both of you. Handled perfectly.

Ds1 smelt even after two showers a day, we followed the advice of using triple dry deodorant after nighttime showers as his hormones where worse at night according to pharmacist. He needed this for at least two years. Had to throw away a few school shirts as even boiling could not get rid of the smell at the beginning of puberty.

Glad you had a really successful day, I can pre empt that we will have a similar issue within the next year or so.
Hope she gets on well.

We went to Lush
I almost cried.
I will write to them my dd is very shy and timid and she was struggling to get to the stuff- this angel assistant came over and treated her like a VIP. We bought. A lot!