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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put deodorant on my DD while she sleeps?

157 replies

TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:19

I've never had this with my other DC.
Dd has only just turned 8.
She is a very active child and does many hours of physical activity and is coached 15 hours plus.
I've already noticed hips and breast buds appearing and a feint bit of public hair Sad
About a month ago we were snuggling and I caught a whiff of her armpits and the smell was really pungent. She showers reluctantly every day and I bought her a deodorant of her own just thinking it was earlier than the others but she'd get on with it like they did .

She was so upset and said I had humiliated her, called her smelly (I hadn't Sad)
I left it a week then Dh (who notices NOTHING) said her body odour was bad.

I gently persuaded her to give the deodorant a go after her next shower and she went into meltdown again. I'm starting to wonder if I should just apply t whilst she sleeps.
I've very aware of school and how nasty children can be and Is be so devastated for her if she had a hard time for this reason at school which is so easy(?) to fix.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:45

Bimbam how did that work?
Dd never used to smell but hormones are kicking in. Strange though as everybody is different. My older dd who is 12 smells gorgeous, showers but no deodorant and she's as fresh as a daisy!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:47

Showering morning and night is a lot I think - mixed race skin. She'd be so dry after a week.
She cannot go to bed after three hours of intense exercise. She normally uses a flannel to wash her face, wipes for her armpits in the morning.

OP posts:
CoolSummer · 22/11/2015 08:48

An anti-perspirant is what she needs. Deodorants merely mask the smell.

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 08:52

She has antiperspirant deodorants

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/11/2015 08:53

Does she put deodorant on before her exercise?

Youarentkiddingme · 22/11/2015 08:55

try getting her to use talc - maybe a fragranced one - after her shower daily. In small children and not so sweaty adults this has the same affect as an antiperspirant spray.

2ndSopranosRule · 22/11/2015 08:55

My 8 yo dd is getting a bit wiffy and we've had the deodorant chat. She's quite excited really. So far there are no other signs of puberty (aside from the fact she has hips...) so maybe your dd is getting a little overwhelmed by things?

Your older dc sound lovely to buy her some Smile.

Dd also hates showering at night but is usually amenable to showering in the morning. Could you take her to pick some smellies that hers only? Dd has her own shower gel that noone else is allowed to use and I've also bought her her own toiletries bag.

AIN · 22/11/2015 08:55

Is she actually washing her pits well? Not just smearing shower gel on them? I think through puberty she needs to give them a good scrub and she might be able ringer away with no deodorant forna bit longer.

Youarentkiddingme · 22/11/2015 08:56

Use it under her arms obviously!

WiIdfire · 22/11/2015 08:57

You say she's not allowed cosmetics or nail things til shes older, perhaps she thinks its unfair that she's old enough to have to wear deoderant but not old enough for makeup. Perhaps let her do her nails or something?

bluestrawhat · 22/11/2015 08:58

Don't put deodorant on her while she sleeps - this would be a horrible invasion of her personal space and it will compound the problem. She needs to come to terms with this on her own. You cannot force the issue. Back off and make sure she has access to deodorant and she will use it in her own time.

ppeatfruit · 22/11/2015 09:00

No offence but have you made sure her clothes are properly washed? Because the man made materials can't be washed at high enough temps to kill the 'sweaty smell' bacteria. I always white vinegar on my man mades if there's a whiff under the armpits Blush.

Another thought is using Lavender essential oil as deodorant (mixed with some water to start of course). I use it neat after shaving and its lovely, healing and it works as a deodorant too. I'm not 8 of course Grin

GruntledOne · 22/11/2015 09:06

When she says that other people will be mean if they tell her she smells, can you point out that it wouldn't necessarily be meanness, they too might feel she needs to know? And that it isn't necessarily kind to other people to go around smelling when it's so easy to avoid?

tanukiton · 22/11/2015 09:08

The pit rock is actually quite good if she isnt into flowery smells. It smells of nowt. www.pitrok.co.uk/product/pitrok-crystal-natural-deodorant-stick/ and last forever

monkeysox · 22/11/2015 09:09

My sister was a whiffy early bloomer and was oblivious to the smell. Mum bought her a shower puff thing and that was better. Agree about antiperspirant, sure cream super duper one is only thing that works for me. An 8 year old probably won't scrub so technique needs to be discussed.

Good luck. You sound like a lovely mum. I had to ask for deodorant when going on a y6 residential, my mum didn't realise kids so young would need or notice deodorant etc.

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 09:15

I'm really glad I posted. These suggestions have been great .
Didn't consider the man made clothes thing but I do religiously do the sniff test (I have a thing about lovely clean laundry) Blush

Thank you- will address scrubbing techniques , good thinking.

OP posts:
FrancesOldhamKelsey · 22/11/2015 09:16

Have you bought her a copy of Usborne's What's Happening to Me ( pink version). Pretty good on hygiene as I recall.

Original poster
TheColourMyrtle · 22/11/2015 09:18

Gruntledone that's a really good point about people not being mean but noticing.

OP posts:
bimandbam · 22/11/2015 09:20

thecolourmyrtle I have no idea why they went whiffy and then stopped. Hormones I suppose. I noticed the little breast buds and a change from a skinny child to a more curvy one at about 8. We had the fusty pits and then the strops and tears about the slightest little thing. But then she seemed to stabalise again.

We had lots of chats and I downloaded the book 'whats happening to me' to her kindle. Which is very good actually and also covers personal hygiene and changes like BO and spots and showering more.

Then when she got to about 9 I asked if she needed another roll in while out shopping and she said she hadn't used it for ages. But I hadn't noticed a smell so had a few discrete sniffs every now and again and she didn't whiff so left it.

I noticed Friday night that despite a bath Thursday and no sports Friday that her pits were rank. We were just on our way out and she had a strappy top on so I get a good strong whiff. Sent her upstairs for a quick strip wash and told her it would be baths/showers every day now. Bought her some nice shower gel and a roll on yesterday and will go back to nagging until it becomes a habit. Interestingly she hasn't started her periods yet but expect the BO is a sign it's on its way.

I definitely recommend the book though. I am very open about periods and so on but I think being able to read something pitched at that age group without the embarrassment of asking a grown up is very helpful.

Wolfie2 · 22/11/2015 09:25

I would avoid putting chemicals on her for a few more years.

Can she shower in the morning instead? Just wash in the evening?

Bluetrews25 · 22/11/2015 09:26

So much easier with boys......could just tell mine (with love) 'boy, you stink! Go and hose yourself down now!'
We'd both laugh, and they'd do it!

Wellthen · 22/11/2015 09:34

*I would avoid putting chemicals on her for a few more years.

Can she shower in the morning instead? Just wash in the evening?*

How do you avoid chemicals when washing in h2o?

OP I think you need to be sterner. You've tried softly softly, you've encouraged her to pick one, you've explained the social consequences. Its now time to say 'it is unpleasant for those around you to smell BO. I wouldn't let you leave the house in filthy clothes, why would I let you leave smelling? This is no longer a choice, you need to wear deodorant.'

chumbler · 22/11/2015 09:37

Would she feel better if she could choose which deodrant to use at the shops?

chillycurtains · 22/11/2015 09:38

I would perserve. She obviously needs it. Just have a chat about puberty and how different children have different effects at different ages. I would probably apologise to her for upsetting her not because you need too as you have done nothing out of line but because it will just break down some barriers and help her to listen / open up.

Good luck OP.

chillycurtains · 22/11/2015 09:39
  • perservere