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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try to educate my friend that she is racist

135 replies

eedon · 10/10/2015 13:20

She keeps saying things like "I don't think white guys are attractive". Ive said in passing not to say that around people as its racist, she's replied with " no its not, I like them " and I've not challenged her more.

She is racist right? If she just said " I find brown skin very attractive" that would be totally fine to me.

OP posts:
KenAdams · 10/10/2015 13:23

No that's not racist. She just doesn't find them attractive. I'm of a different background and I don't find guys from my background attractive at all.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/10/2015 13:25

Its not racist but makes her sound a bit boring and thick

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 10/10/2015 13:26

YABU. Your friend is not racist, she just has a preference regarding the men she dates. I don't find red hair attractive - does that make me a bad person?

BigOCupOfTea · 10/10/2015 13:26

I don't think thats racist, its just what you're attracted to.

MaidOfStars · 10/10/2015 13:26

Closed mind? Perhaps. Racist? No.

Original poster
eedon · 10/10/2015 13:27

How is it not racist telling a whole race they are not attractive?

If I reversed it to say "black men aren't very attractive" I'd rightly be ripped to shreads.

She's a bit silly about it as she says this then reels off a list of white guys she does fancy!

OP posts:
jay55 · 10/10/2015 13:30

It is racist, it is saying all white guys look the same.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2015 13:32

I think it's all about the wording.

"I've never seen a white man I've found attractive" = Not racist

"I don't think white guys are attractive" = Writing off a whole race of people

AwfulBeryl · 10/10/2015 13:32

I don't know, I would be a bit Hmm if someone said they didn't find black men / women attractive, not because I don't understand that people have different tastes, it just seems quite strange to me not to be able to appreciate that some one looks nice - even if they're not your cup of tea, and tbh I would question the motivation behind their thinking.
Mostof my partners have been tall, quite slight, pale with dark hair, a bit like Jarvis Cocker. Don't mean I don't fancy the fuck out of Idris Elba. Grin
It just has a bit of an " I don't mind the gays as long as they don't do it front of me" kind of thinking.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 10/10/2015 13:32

That's not racist

Mintyy · 10/10/2015 13:34

What Obsidian said!

AwfulBeryl · 10/10/2015 13:34

Actually ignore the " I don't mind the gays " example I gave, it really made no sense Grin
I do know what I mean, I just have a horrible cold and don't seem to be able to string a coherent sentence together.

BlueJug · 10/10/2015 13:36

Not racist. Wouldn't racist the other way round either. Stupid maybe but equally stupid of you to try to "educate" her. Who she fanices is who she fancies - full stop really

Original poster
eedon · 10/10/2015 13:37

Would saying "I don't think black men are intelligent" be racist? for the ones saying commenting on looks of a whole race isn't racist.

OP posts:
totalrecall1 · 10/10/2015 13:39

I don't think thats racist

NoArmaniNoPunani · 10/10/2015 13:40

She didn't comment on their looks, she said she personally doesn't find them attractive. I don't find Chinese men attractive, I'm not bloody racist though.

Original poster
eedon · 10/10/2015 13:43

I don't find Chinese men attractive, I'm not bloody racist though.

Sounds racist to me! If you said you have never seen a Chinese guy you found attractive that would be fine IMO.

OP posts:
Arabidopsis · 10/10/2015 13:44

I'm not attracted to white men

v

White men aren't attractive

Two subtly different statements, but I can see someone saying the latter when they really mean the former.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 10/10/2015 13:44

I don't think it's racist to find a 'type' not attractive.
A friend who had a fling with a black guy, kept going on about how it's not like her as she never finds black men attractive Confused
I did take objection to that and told her what I thought of the stupidity of her comments.
Some people just don't think.

lexigrey · 10/10/2015 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 10/10/2015 13:49

I don't think it's racist. i assume she still likes them as people.

I think it's a bit odd to write off all white men as unattractive though. I'm not sure I can think of an entire race I find universally unattractive.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 10/10/2015 13:49

Sounds racist to me!

You clearly know fuck all about me dickwad.

Fratelli · 10/10/2015 13:50

What WorraLiberty said!

bolleauxnouveau · 10/10/2015 13:50

Are all white guys the same race then?

I could say I don't find stupid people attractive, though that might suggest I don't consider myself stupid, and I'm not sure I'm in a position to judge that.

MaidOfStars · 10/10/2015 13:54

Sounds racist to me! If you said you have never seen a Chinese guy you found attractive that would be fine IMO

I've never fancied short blokes. Never found one I was attracted to (despite recognising other good qualities in short blokes).

Shortness isn't incidental to the reason I don't fancy them, it is the reason I don't fancy them. I find shortness unattractive.

So why should people not be able to say they find other physical features (perhaps linked to race) unattractive?

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