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Original poster

To try to educate my friend that she is racist

135 replies

eedon · 10/10/2015 13:20

She keeps saying things like "I don't think white guys are attractive". Ive said in passing not to say that around people as its racist, she's replied with " no its not, I like them " and I've not challenged her more.

She is racist right? If she just said " I find brown skin very attractive" that would be totally fine to me.

OP posts:
AimUnder · 10/10/2015 21:29

I don't think it's racist.

I don't find Chinese guys attractive at all. It doesn't mean I don't respect them or like them. I just don't feel a sexual attraction towards them.

MinecraftWonder · 10/10/2015 21:35

the group who are most at risk and most need help and are most let down by the criminal justice system are white men

Said who? Hmm No one on here that I've seen.

I would equate racism and domestic violence as much as they can be equated, yes. I think both can be just as damaging and abusive.

RufusTheReindeer · 10/10/2015 21:45

un

Yes she missed that bit Grin

On the irony, unfortunately for me i was too busy trying to crawl under the table to make any sensible comments

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 21:48

You equated a white person having something "mean" said to them by a non white person, with domestic violence.

Upthread you presented a position "So is it right that we would say to a woman 'you have suffered domestic abuse' and say to a man 'Oh, she's been a bit mean is all"? Even though no-one on the thread had said anything of the sort.

Your stance is that men and non white people are getting a raw deal, which you are saying is unfair, even though no-one has actually said anything of the sort. You say it there ^^

What you are saying is that men and white people are most at risk, need most help, and are most let down by the criminal justice system. You say it right there ^^ and in other places on the thread, you say people can abuse and commit violence against this group and no-one takes it seriously. This is not true. Yes there are cultural issues with masculinity, but if you want to get killed in custody then it's best you're black, and if you want to get adult men trying to entice you to have sex with them when you're at school then you stand a much better chance if you're female.

Pretending there is parity in this, trying to erase the history and social context, and actually going as far as saying white men have it worst, is, well it's a bit pathetic really.

Luckily many people can see through this for the bollocks it is.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 21:53

YES SOME WOMEN AND SOME NON WHITE PEOPLE ARE NOT VERY NICE.

Nah, as much women and non white people are not very nice as white men. I do not buy the evil white man rhetoric that is pandered about.

And yes, racism against white people has occurred in the past, and is occurring today. Just because you live in the UK, or the US, and have a very blinkered view of the world and think that every thing is the same everywhere (which shows how much education you need to get), does not mean that it is not a reality.

Just as an example, when I lived alone in France, my friends and I got quite a lot of harassment in everyday life because "white girls are easy and bitches". Which is racist and sexist. Do not dismiss that. Social and historical context can only get you so far, is divisive, and means shit to actual victims of racism, whatever their race is.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 21:54

Why do you equate people talking about sexism and racism, with an approach that means they disregard and minimise violence and so forth committed against other groups.

I don't understand at all.

You think that if a person is, say, an anti-racism campaigner, that they want to do down white people?
You think that feminists want to do down men?

These ideas, these assumptions are incorrect. Women who work with female victims of DV don't say male victims should just shut up and put up with it. I have no idea where you even get that idea from. You just pulled it out of thin air and then got irate about it.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 21:57

"YES SOME WOMEN AND SOME NON WHITE PEOPLE ARE NOT VERY NICE.

Nah, as much women and non white people are not very nice as white men."

So, you think that more than "some" white men are "not very nice"?

Interesting.

I also hate it when what are fundamentally examples of misogyny are used to support arguments that white people get racist abuse. Make no mistake, the reason those girls got that attention was primarily because they were female.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 22:00

And if you think white men don't do all sorts of shit to women and girls then you are very sheltered indeed.

When it comes to adults making passes / shouting at / following / touching / attacking etc teenagers, the commonality is that the adults are usually men and the young people are usually girls.

I can guarantee you that in the UK the activity of this nature is carried out in massive majority by white british men. That doesn't get the DM as worked up though does it as when some Asian men do it and all of a sudden it's a big deal and racism against whites and etc. No it's behaviour of males towards females that cuts across class, race, area, you name it.

70sDinnerPartyClassic · 10/10/2015 22:03

You didn't get the papers pointing out all those DJs TV presenters etc were white, did you.

Meh.

Same old.

Use female victims of sexual violence when you want to make some kind of race / religion point and ignore them the rest of the time, it's the usual approach. Or, make out that they were asking for it. Which, strangely, is what the men in these cases are accused of saying but when they say it everyone has to get all indignant...

Hmm yep interesting.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:05

I think that everybody, any race, gender and sexual orientation has the potential to be an asshole, racist or sexist, just as much as they can be the best person. I have travelled around enough to see that, and have no naivety about it.

We , the white girls, where the ones to get the hollers, the aggressive discussions, the disregard of personal space. Not the other girls around us, be them black or Arab. We were singled out as white first.
It was misogyny for sure, but it would not have happened if there hadn't been racism.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:06

I truly do not understand what you are going on about in the last posts, sorry...

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:08

If it is what I think you are saying, you are getting truly offensive and making assumptions you should not. However, I think I may have misunderstood.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/10/2015 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GloriaSmellens · 10/10/2015 22:14

Oh well, its not as bad as the conversation I once overheard in the hairdressers - the stylist next to me was talking about how he only finds 'Aryan' men attractive! Shock

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:16

In those terms?? Oh my... and that's sad to reduce the choosing pool like that. Plenty of babes everywhere.

GloriaSmellens · 10/10/2015 22:23

Yeah he actually said 'aryan'! I assumed he just wasn't the sharpest pair of scissors in the set, and actually meant Caucasian, but I was still a bit like WTAF?!

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:28

You would have to be the dumbest person ever to say that white people cannot be racist, come on! But I don't think that anybody dared to say that on the thread, right? Some, me included, just wanted to refute the idea that there is no racism toward white people, and that being racist was not the prerogative of white people.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:29

or being racist was the prerogative... the sentence ran away from me.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/10/2015 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/10/2015 22:42

We need both to lay off the wine...or posting! :)

MinecraftWonder · 10/10/2015 23:02

What you are saying is that men and white people are most at risk, need most help, and are most let down by the criminal justice system

I can't even begin to fathom how you have made such a massive and incorrect assumption about me.

You are massive projecting something (maybe your experience with others?) onto me.

Speak for yourself, but don't put words in my mouth because I've said no such thing.

Mrsbennington · 10/10/2015 23:03

Its not racist is just her personal preference if she is just describing her ideal man.

I have a friend who is crazy for black guys (married to one to) don't think she would even look at a man who wasn't.

I am very strongly attracted to half Chinese men and many have featured in my past romances and friendships . I am however married to a white man (although still fine half Chinese men amazingly attractive).

MinecraftWonder · 10/10/2015 23:06

When it comes to adults making passes / shouting at / following / touching / attacking etc teenagers, the commonality is that the adults are usually men and the young people are usually girls. I can guarantee you that in the UK the activity of this nature is carried out in massive majority by white british men

You're stating the obvious whilst making no point.

Seeing as the vast majority of men in the UK are actually white and British...well this is hardly surprising.

I would hazard a guess that most sexual assaults carried out in Niger are by black men...you hardly have to be skilled in statistics to work that one out Hmm

CoteDAzur · 10/10/2015 23:10

OP - Your friend is not racist.

I don't find Asian men attractive. I also don't find brunettes attractive and have a thing against men with excessive body hair. I have a friend who is not attracted to blonds at all and likes dark men. It's attraction and doesn't have anything to do with racism. If we all liked the same things, the world would be a boring place.

queenMab99 · 10/10/2015 23:34

whether it is or isn't racist, it is very shallow. I don't think you can educate shallowness out of people, they have to realise it themselves.