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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and feel a bit seond rate?

145 replies

NotSayingImBatman · 15/08/2015 15:57

It's FIL's birthday today, not a "special" one, just a regular birthday.

DH suggested to MIL and SIL that they buy him a new laptop as his old one was getting a bit past it. They split the cost, so about £150 each way.

It's my birthday in five days time. It's a significant one. DH asked me today which scent of Yankee Candle I would like as we "can't afford" anything else

Before anyone suggests it, he's not winding me up and will not have a flashier alternative planned as a secret. I'm getting a bastarding candle.

I'm so disappointed I could cry. Come and slap some sense into me.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 15/08/2015 15:59

No. I won't. Grin

I don't think you need sense slapping into you.

I think it's ok to tell your husband you feel a bit disappointed that he wants to buy his dad a laptop for his birthday and you a candle for yours, if that's how you feel.

stevienickstophat · 15/08/2015 15:59

I'd rather slap sense into your husband.

You should be his top priority now, not his dad.

I don't blame you for being upset.

ProfessorPickles · 15/08/2015 16:01

YANBU especially as yours is a big birthday! I'd feel hurt if it was me

Coffeemarkone · 15/08/2015 16:04

LTB

Busybumblebees · 15/08/2015 16:06

I'd be hurt and upset too

He shouldn't have spent so much on his father knowing your special birthday was coming up

diddl · 15/08/2015 16:06

I think that £450 is way too much for a bday present tbh.

Why the bloody hell would he suggest it if he knew he then couldn't afford something that you would like for your bday?

nancy75 · 15/08/2015 16:08

Tell him to shove his ( preferably lit) candle where the sun doesn't shine and then ask why his wife has to play second fiddle to his dad.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 16:10

Why does he think you would be ok with a candle ? What types of gifts does he usually get for you? Depends on if you're the type of person who would usually be happy with gifts like candles.

fuzzywuzzy · 15/08/2015 16:10

OP tell him what you want and say the budget isn't a if deal as it wasn't for his fathers birthday.

I'd be really upset too. Especially if he argues about it.

Original poster
NotSayingImBatman · 15/08/2015 16:11

DH seems obsessed with proving how much money he has to his family. He's always striving to have the better car, the bigger house, the best gadgets.

I really didn't think he'd do this though. Especially after the fuss I made of him when he celebrated this particular birthday.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2015 16:11

I would tell him no, I woukd rather wait a little until he's saved for a proper present. Tell him to sod his candle it's not your thing.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 16:11

That is so unfair.

If he's unable to afford more than a sodding candle then why did he suggest spending £150 on his dad?

kslatts · 15/08/2015 16:12

I think it depends really, my dh's birthday is around the same time as a few other family birthdays so it is an expensive time for us. I would always buy other family members presents first and then get something for DH with any money we have left. My birthday is a few days before DD2's and I have said to DH before don't worry about getting me anything, let's just get a bigger gift for DD. He would usually still buy a small token gift for me ( like a candle) so dd's have something to give me.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 16:12

Tell us what you did for his significant birthday and we'll come up with what you should have for yours.

Is he usually selfish?

fuzzywuzzy · 15/08/2015 16:12

When his birthday? I'd get him a candle for every single birthday/Xmas whatever till he bucks his ideas up.

paulapompom · 15/08/2015 16:12

I love a Yankee candle usually but...
agree wit pps, twunt.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/08/2015 16:13

I think the words you're looking for are 'Explain to me why you think it's OK to spend £150 on your father's no-particular-significance birthday, then turn to me and say that my Nth birthday is literally just worth a candle to you.'

And I'd bloody well insist on an answer.

That is shocking behaviour from your husband. Does he have form for this sort of thing? (Your certainty that he's not bluffing suggest that he has.)

Original poster
NotSayingImBatman · 15/08/2015 16:13

He would usually get me a candle to be fair. Not because i particularly like them, just because it's quick, easy to find and puts a tick next to the mental to do of buying me a gift.

I suppose, despite several very good qualities, he's never been good at this.

OP posts:
FortyCoats · 15/08/2015 16:15

Go buy yourself something fabulous that costs at least £100. He won't make the same mistake again Wink

FenellaFellorick · 15/08/2015 16:15

Are you sure?

He's good at thinking of a gift for his dad, and organising it.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2015 16:16

That is poor op. I would print out gift lists of gifts you would like before birthday and Christmas so he knows what you like. Tell him you don't want a sodding candle anymore!

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 16:16

But if you're happy to usually accept a candle without saying anything then you can't really complain. It doesn't seem fair, but if you go along with a smile then you're going to get a candle.

kitkat1989 · 15/08/2015 16:16

my dh is not particularly good at birthdays or xmas and never knows what to get me. but he would rather die than apend that much on his family then buy me a candle... because he knows that if he did that hed be dead anyway!!

u need to tell your dh thats totally unacceptable!

LindyHemming · 15/08/2015 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LavenderLeigh · 15/08/2015 16:19

Oh that is downright mean and cruel of him.