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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and feel a bit seond rate?

145 replies

NotSayingImBatman · 15/08/2015 15:57

It's FIL's birthday today, not a "special" one, just a regular birthday.

DH suggested to MIL and SIL that they buy him a new laptop as his old one was getting a bit past it. They split the cost, so about £150 each way.

It's my birthday in five days time. It's a significant one. DH asked me today which scent of Yankee Candle I would like as we "can't afford" anything else

Before anyone suggests it, he's not winding me up and will not have a flashier alternative planned as a secret. I'm getting a bastarding candle.

I'm so disappointed I could cry. Come and slap some sense into me.

OP posts:
Morganly · 15/08/2015 17:59

Don't play games, just tell him straight: "I'm hurt that you spent all that money on your dad but say you can't afford to buy me more than a candle".

rollonthesummer · 15/08/2015 18:01

Did you ask him why he had enough money to buy his dad £150 worth of laptop but could only afford a candle for you?

I'd ask him what his family will think of him when you tell them he only bought you a candle as he didn't have enough money left after the laptop!? Will that ruin his 'big man, big money' image??

guzzlewump · 15/08/2015 18:02

Was going to suggest you asked for a laptop scented candle but glad to see you've read him the riot act. Hope he bucks up his act now!

sumoweeble · 15/08/2015 18:03

Agree with Morganly. Him him with the truth. You have every right to feel upset by this.

Original poster
NotSayingImBatman · 15/08/2015 18:14

We do share money, yes, and buying the laptop is something I was told about after the fact.

I have told him in no uncertain terms that I do not want, need or desire a candle. Which means I may not get anything.

So, bugger it, I won't be bothering with thoughtful gifts for him either. What's the male equivalent of a scented candle? A lynx gift set?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSayingImBatman · 15/08/2015 18:20

Wow, weird delayed post. He won't get me anything because he'll say I didn't tell him what I wanted (which I did, I sent him a link to a Fossil watch I liked the look of weeks ago)

OP posts:
midnightvelvetPart2 · 15/08/2015 18:25

Ask him if he got the watch link or whether he wants you to resend it!

LumpySpacedPrincess · 15/08/2015 18:26

Is he normally so thoughtless or is it just birthdays? If it's just birthdays then be really specific and have a conversation. Explain how hurtful it is that he spends a large amount on his father, ignores your suggestion for a watch and offers to buy you a candle which you neither want, like or need. Cover all of these points in one conversation so he can be in no doubt about how you feel.

fuzzywuzzy · 15/08/2015 18:27

But the fossil watch from the joint account. It's your bday present.

And buy him a candle for every gift buying ocassion henceforth.

ShadowStar · 15/08/2015 18:28

Agree you should tell him how hurtful this behaviour is. I'd also remind him that you sent him a link to a Fossil watch you want if he's likely to say that you haven't told him what you want.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2015 18:28

Tell him that you expect that fossil watch for your birthday, you are hurt that he spent £150 without consulting you, on his dad's non special birthday, and you get a scented candle fir your say 40th, it's not acceptable. Stuff the Fossil watch, get yourself a Gucci or A D&G one, they are usually about £200-250. You deserve it Wink.

Coconutty · 15/08/2015 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2015 18:32

I take back the Gucci watch, googled Beaverbrook, the cheapest is around £500 Shock. I remember seein them in Fraser heart a few years back and they were about £200 then, inflation Shock

ZetaPu · 15/08/2015 18:34

If you literally have to make him buy the watch then I don't see the point. It just spoils it.
I'd just tell him not to bother and go out and get it myself.
Meet a friend and have a nice time.

VenusRising · 15/08/2015 18:35

You need to make sure his whole family knows that he's the best husband at pretending that he's loaded, and that in fact he's a miser who takes you for granted, and only puts his hand in his pocket for show.

Ring his dad and his mum and set them straight. That will soon put a stop to his cock of the walk bullshit.

And yes, a tea light for ever more sounds like a suitable present- team it with a box of matches you pick up from a nice cocktail bar, if he's started to behave himself.

Mumteedum · 15/08/2015 18:35

My 'd'h was like this for birthdays. It does matter. If you can't make a fuss of the one you love or get arsey about when your total lack of interest is pointed out then it's just shit.

My husband gave me a divorce for my 40th. Will probably turn out to be best gift I could get.

Hope it works out for you but don't let it pass.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 15/08/2015 18:36

I liked this suggestion upthread-
When his birthday? I'd get him a candle for every single birthday/Xmas whatever till he bucks his ideas up.

Ok a bit passive aggressive but would cheer you up and teach him a lesson Grin

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/08/2015 18:40

Don't get him a Lynx gift set. You've already suffered enough without the stench of that wafting at you.

Get him a biro. Out of a packet that you label "dh birthday pens".

Purplepoodle · 15/08/2015 18:53

Print off the page for the watch and hand.it to him and tell him that's what you want. If he says about money then in no uncertain terms tell him he could spend X amount on a laptop for a minor birthday but can't get u somthing special for a significant birthday it shows what he really thinks of you

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 19:55

Love the idea of the birthday pens.

For god's sake don't get Lynx. Or if you do, make sure he only wears it when he's going out and make sure he sprays it outdoors.

Is this an otherwise happy marriage, OP? It doesn't sound as though he's very nice to you.

FryOneFatManic · 15/08/2015 21:47

He won't get me anything because he'll say I didn't tell him what I wanted (which I did, I sent him a link to a Fossil watch I liked the look of weeks ago)

I suggest you remind him of that link, and offer to send it again.

And also point out that, as a pp said, he was able to "plan, suggest, organize, overspend" for his dad's present, for a non-significant birthday.

Don't let him get away with the idea that he didn't know what to get for you. He's clearly capable of organising something, but the fact that he hasn't bothered shows disrespect towards you.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2015 22:12

Exactly, it shows a lack of care or respect for you, he can't be arsed. Is he like this towRds you in other ways?

Lweji · 15/08/2015 23:16

I'd remind him of the watch, although his mention of not being able to afford a present for you might mean he is full aware of it and it's telling you he's not getting it.

In which case, I'd go and buy it myself, have it gift wrapped and make a big fuss in front of him.

ElkeDagMeisje · 15/08/2015 23:48

YANBU. Added to whats already been said, why is everyone running around after the FIL to buy him such an expensive present?

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2015 23:58

Get him a fecking lump of coal fir his next birthday.

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