Nursery rhymes AIBU

[GhostlyFigureAtTheEndOfYourBed]

AIBU to be totally freaked out about this?

I live in a farm and these past few nights I swear I have seen my scarecrow come to life He shakes his hand and feet and sings while his hat is flopping about. Really scared me, though I suppose it's good for scaring the crows! WWYD?

You think you've got problems? My cow keeps jumping over the bloody moon and all my dishes and spoons are going missing. The dog thinks it's bloody hilarious & the cat's started playing the sodding violin!

Well, I've been stuck on this bus now for days... I want to get off but the wheels keep turning, babies are crying, the doors keep opening and shutting and the wipers are going even though it's not raining. I think the bus might be possessed...

The other day I was just sitting minding my own business, when this girl comes and sits down near me eating something that looked like curds and whey, although God knows why anyone would eat that muck. So I say hello, trying to be friendly and she legs it! Rude cow. So as not to drop feed, I'm a spider, if that's relevant.

My pet turtle has eaten all the soap. I put him in the bath so it's sort of my fault. Now I'll need to clean the bath before I wash DD...

I recently bought a few monkeys to keep me company (I know, I know, I didn't think it through). The little bastards won't sit still though, and night time is a nightmare.

They keep jumping all over the bed, and one of them will always fall off. I took them to the doctors about the massive egg on his head but all the doctor told me was not to let them jump on the bed. Well that's great advice, but it's not as simple as that is it? Has he ever tried putting monkeys in a human bedroom? And he still didn't address its head injury.

AIBU to ask to see another GP?

Well my bloody elephant has run away :( Even packed her own trunk and everything. I have that elephant the best years of my life

wooner YANBU. That same doctor told me to put my dolly to bed and let her rest- and then had t he cheek to charge me for that great advice, the next day bloody doctor

yak love the 'not to dripfeed'!

Three mice have just run into my kitchen wearing sunglasses. Do you think they might be blind? Have grabbed my carving knife . . .

I work in an hotel and last evening I booked in a Mr and Mrs Spratt, they had very specific dietary requirements and insisted I took note of these and passed them toute suite to the Chef. Ya see Mr Spratt had high cholesterol and could eat no fat and Mrs Spratt could not stress enough that she could eat no lean. Very nice couple actually.

maybe the doctor had just been to gloucester and stepped in a puddle right up to his middle and wasnt thinking straight was his name DR Foster by chance?

You think you have problems, I am an elderly gent and the other day when I forgot to say my prayers before bed some hooligan grabbed me by my left leg and threw me down the stairs! Hospital fixed me up but I'm a bit crooked now.....

SIL is a teacher and is infuriated by this girl who insists on bringing a damn smelly sheep into class with her every day. She says it follows her about all the time, and won't leave her alone.

My DS just can't stop winding this bobbin up. I wish he'd wind it back again as it's really noisy. AIBU to point to the ceiling, and the floor? I think the windows and doors would feel left out though. Not sure what to do?

my friend michael finnegan thought he would grow a beard when he had just a few whiskers on his chinnegan the wind came out and blew them in again so now poor old michael finnegan has to begin again!

A goose waddled into my chamber last night, just after running up the stairs and back down, several times. What the Flippin' Hec?

Every time it rains I get flooded out of my long thin house, and I have to wait for the weather to improve every damn time before it dries out and I can go back indoors.

x2boys - Ha ha - DS and I were just singing that very same one the other day (he's 20 and I was moaning about his stubbly 'beard')

AIBU to expect my black sheep to tell me if he has any wool? I need three bags.

My friend Jack took me for a walk up a hill to get some water and we both fell down the stupid hill..,

He's only gone and broken his head.

I have some small rabbits, they look very sleepy - could they be ill?

AIBU to shout at them to hop?

Our cat has gone missing, last seen with an owl, apparently! (Of all things)

I'm also about to report a burglary - a jar of honey and a five pound note have been stolen

Well if you think you've got problems, I had five little ducks at the start of the week.

I'm already down to 2.

My ds has just fractured his skull. I've heard vinegar, brown paper and bed rest is best for this but wondering if I should call the doctor. Dd will have to get the water by herself now.