Nursery rhymes AIBU

[GhostlyFigureAtTheEndOfYourBed]

AIBU to be totally freaked out about this?

I live in a farm and these past few nights I swear I have seen my scarecrow come to life He shakes his hand and feet and sings while his hat is flopping about. Really scared me, though I suppose it's good for scaring the crows! WWYD?

I'm absolutely disgusted at my unmarried neighbour, for wasting NHS resources

She demanded a home visit from her Doctor, because her dolly was sick. Yep, not even a real live baby but a fucking doll!

Then instead of sectioning her under the mental health act, the fucking Doctor wrote a prescription for it!!

Grrrrrr! No wonder the NHS is on its knees

Oh I see Waffles got there before me

We must live in the same street

Some young lad has stolen my fucking jam tarts. The little shit. Made them specially for the first week of British bake off too

My friend went fishing yesterday and caught a really nice big fish and iMessaged me a pic of it wriggling...when I went around to meet him and see the "big catch" today he told me he let it go again because it bit his right little finger.

I think he's a bit of a silly cry baby tbh. I've been bitten by fish before and it's not that painful.

Aibu to tell him to stop being a drama queen?

I'm loving these

AIBU to be worried about DC's scout group? They are due to be going on a water-sports day next week, but have been told that, whilst rowing, they need to be on the lookout for mice, crocodiles and lions. Am I being PFB in thinking that maybe this trip shouldn't have passed the risk assessment, and am I being OTT in saying that DC can no longer go? Especially as the adults in charge are planning on taking alcohol with them and getting merry.

Should I complain to Scout HQ???

Aibu to think my mil should stop self medicating and if she's really ill and will die, she should go the fucjing Doctor.

She's apparently swallowed a fly (I don't know why!) and now she thinks she's going to die...so then she swallowed a spider to eat the fly...I think she's gone mad tbh. It's all attention seeking IMO, so that dh is always with her rather than me.

I recently saw three little men flying around in a UFO, but apparently they didn't like what they saw and left fairly quickly.

Friend has just phoned in tears - turns out her son is spending most of his time sitting on a see-saw with someone called Margery. He's not earning much more than a penny a day.
I've told her, he really does need to work much, much faster.
AIBU?

I've got an insy winsy spider climbing up my water spout. The rain keeps washing him down but then the sun comes out and dries the bugger off.

Any advice on stopping three cheeky monkeys from bouncing on my bed? Ones going to bump his head if he's not careful.

Fat bloke got stuck in my chimney this morning and threatened to take the kids toys if I didn't help him!
I told him it's far too early in the year for all that carry on, but all he said was 'achoo, achoo, achoo'.

Being a teddy bear i think its very unreasonable as i,m going round and round the garden that people keeping sneaking up behind me and shouting one step two step than tickiling me!

The Duke of York has apparently had 10,000 men. Now I'm as liberal as the next person and I'm in no way homophobic but I can't help thinking that promiscuity on this scale, regardless of sexual orientation, is nothing to be proud of.

you would think he would be too tired to be marching them up and down hills wouldnt you TTWK?

I have past the nursery rhyme stage but love the sense of humour in this post.

TTWK

YY to the monkey in my post being a drinker...kept falling out his bunk and using the other animals as a slide. Definitely unreasonable behaviour.

I'm very worried about my younger daughter, who I think has been experimenting with drugs. She says she followed a talking rabbit down a hole and a good deal of other nonsense. On further questioning she admits to having drunk from a random bottle that was just left lying around and eaten what must have been a hash brownie. She claims she thought it would be fine as there was no Poison label on the bottle! AIBU to keep her inside for a bit? She can play with her kittens. I can't see that she can come to any harm that way...

Please help. I'm stuck on a boat!

I row row rowed it merrily down the stream but I appear to have been swept out to sea. There are crocodiles and I need to be back for tea at 4. I want to scream but I keep forgetting!

As I reported earlier, my DF has gone to sea, so he may save you before coming back to marry me

His name is Bobby Shafto

Oh here he is now! He's very good looking. I Might run away with him!

I'm just teasing, I'll just smile at him instead.

Damn rodents have broken my clock. They keep running up and down it and now it only strikes one. I wonder if it's because I'm skint and had to economise with hickory instead of oak or mahogany?

AIBU to bemoan the level of intelligence of the armed forces, both enlisted men and the officers? Firstly the idiots think they can stick a jeffing egg together, then their commander marches them up and down the bloody hill all day. And I've heard of a young woman locally who is supposed to be marrying one of these men, so far he's been tapping her for boots, jacket, shirt-is there financial mismanagement somewhere?

Busy cleaning today as we are having Spanish royalty visiting - they want to see the tree in my garden which only has two fruit on it (a nutmeg and a pear).

My granddad was telling me an awful story about how he was taken to sea for years when he was just one and all he was fed was rum in a bottle. They just went over the Irish Sea apparently!