Nursery rhymes AIBU

[GhostlyFigureAtTheEndOfYourBed]

AIBU to be totally freaked out about this?

I live in a farm and these past few nights I swear I have seen my scarecrow come to life He shakes his hand and feet and sings while his hat is flopping about. Really scared me, though I suppose it's good for scaring the crows! WWYD?

I live next to a farm, and I'm starting to get really pissed off with the way the farmer calls his dog back in.

He spells its name, and sometimes substitutes the letters for claps. How the hell is the dog supposed to know it is being summoned? It also interrupts my Countdown.

AIBU to go and have a quick chat with him?

I seem to have a rodent problem. I mean, I suppose it's hardly surprising given that I live in a windmill, but I can barely get up the stairs these days for the little blighters going "tip, tippety tap". Aibu to call pest control?

This in the staff room topic too, but I've posted here for traffic.

The chair of governors DD (let's call her Mary) brought a pet into my classroom yesterday. It caused absolute chaos... kids were just mucking about and giggling all day and my lesson plan went completely to cock.

I've reported the incident to the head, but all she did was stroke the damn thing and coo over how white and clean its bloody wool was . She said that as Mary's father is a high profile businessman (he owns a sheep farm that supplies Waitrose and Harrods food hall), plus his position on the governing body, we should turn a blind eye to Mary's disruptive behaviour, as an exclusion could make the papers (and cause him to 'lose' his cheque book...)

I think 'Mary' should be excluded, she is yr6 ffs, and should know better. AIBU?

oh dear what can the matter be i,ve just been upstairs to use the lavatory and there are three old ladies in it they tell me they have been there since monday.

Can anyone help? I'm told London Bridge is falling down. How am I meant to cope when the next tube strike is on?

Our little cat has just come through the catflap looking very pleased with herself. She's been missing for a couple of days! She announced she's been to see the Queen, and frightened a little mouse under the chair.

Why the need to do that, I don't understand! We have plenty of mice in the garden. Maybe royal ones taste nicer?

AIBU to have trouble bonding with one of my brood? All my other offspring are small and fluffy and golden but the youngest is big and awkward and grey. He can swim, but really he doesn't seem to have anything else going for him. He is bullied mercilessly by his siblings and all our neighbours. I can't imagine how he will turn out when he grows up!

We went out today for a picnic. There are some nice woods nearby, a lovely spot.
Would you believe it but every good spot was taken? We asked if we could be made room for, but were just growled at!
We reported it to the local warden but were told that we should have gone in disguise! What?

The King of Spain's daughter is looking increasingly like a narc. She's been buggering about on the doorstep for days demanding to marry me while peering through the windows trying to see the garden.

I cant get on with my neighbour at all. She's an arsehole and whatever I say she says the opposite. She's now trying to piss me off by putting silver bells and fucking cockle shells in her garden. She knows I hate cockle shells. AIBU to make an anonymous complaint to the police?

Oh my god! I've just looked outside and she's got a row of girls standing in the garden as well!!!

gasp if i was you i would tell your youngest to[quack] get out of town.

Just opened the cupboard to get out my best crockery for Sunday lunch, and one of the dishes just hopped out and has run down the road with one of the best spoons.

I'm a bit cross because I needed them for today, but the dog is laughing his head off

Ok, so far today I've buckled my shoe, knocked on the door and picked up sticks, WWYD next?

I would definitely be trying to lay those sticks straight, no question, Faded. Hth

the old man next door keeps playing knick knack on my thumb ,door knee etc its getting abit much tbh he also keeps asking me to give his dog a bone and then rolling home

Evans, I'd check the whereabouts of your cow as a matter of urgency. You may also find your cat has taken up the violin.

Faded, are you having chicken for Sunday lunch? Don't know why, just thought you might be having a big fat fowl for some reason.

Did you hear the story on the news? Apparently a Buckingham Palace employee has had her nose pecked right off by a bird while doing laundry duties in the grounds. It seems that the bird had been maddened by being enclosed in some sort of special pie for Prince Philip (along with 23 others, would you believe!)
Anyway, the royals are coming in for no end of criticism - while these birds were flying round on the attack, the Queen calmly ate her afternoon tea and Phil worked on the Palace accounts. Is it any wonder we're becoming a nation of Republicans?!

Gasp0 Funny you should say that - I was looking for the cow earlier, and one of the neighbours said he saw her jumping over the moon last night. That explains all the hoof marks on the trampoline - I did think it a bit odd at the time, but hadn't put two and two together
Thank you!

AIBU? All the local kids were out playing in the street last night. climbing ladders, shinning down walls and one of them was handing out bits of bread. FWIW, the moon was very bright.

Gasp0 how the hell did you know what I am having for dinner?!!!
Are you stalking me?!!!!
Honestly, after an afternoon of digging and delving, AIBU to expect a bit of privacy about my dining arrangements?

Mystic Gasp0 predicts that your cleaner is in a new relationship, Faded...

Gasp0 I bow to your vastly superior intelligence and knowledge. It's now so obvious your education was far more extensive than mine. I can only count as far as 12, without taking my shoes off, and I can't take my shoes off because they are buckled up too tight. Consequently I have no idea to what you are referring in regard to my household staff

Thanks for the heads up Gasp0. I got my shoes off, consulted t'interweb, and had 'words' with the brazen hussy.
She's now back where she should be, basting the poultry. I have told her in no uncertain terms, that her shift doesn't end until she has served dinner and I've finished drinking my cup of coffee afterwards. Only then can she go off duty. What she gets up to in her own time is none of my business.