Nursery rhymes AIBU

[GhostlyFigureAtTheEndOfYourBed]

AIBU to be totally freaked out about this?

I live in a farm and these past few nights I swear I have seen my scarecrow come to life He shakes his hand and feet and sings while his hat is flopping about. Really scared me, though I suppose it's good for scaring the crows! WWYD?

AIBU to be upset at the rude lady today who questioned the shape of my earlobes? I mean, I know they are fairly large after years of wearing Pat Butcher earrings but seriously to ask me if I can tie them in a bow? What a cheek! And then she went on to comment that I could just about throw them over my shoulder. I swung my head away and slapped her in the face with my hefty earlobe!

AIBU to throw my DS out? I think he's drunk again and no matter how many times I call him he stays asleep. He's collapsed in bed with his trousers on, one shoe off and one shoe on.

Help! My ears hang low, and they waggle to and fro. Sometimes I tie them in a knot or a bow.

frankie001, you should have a chat with tatumsfunkychicken. She seems to have the same issue but has more confidence in her low-hanging ears. Perhaps you could set up a support group?

Oh I have a similar problem as Tatum and Frankie, but it's not my ears.

Can I report an abandoned teddy to the dog warden? He is always at the park when we go, playing on the swings, playing on the slide but never with any owners. He just goes tick tock, forward and back, round and round he goes....

My DD has been wandering around all evening complaining she's only got one slipper. I asked her when she saw the other one last and apparently it was midnight and it disappeared. She's 2 FFS! What's she doing up at that time? I knew glass slippers would be impractical but to lose one already! They were so expensive too! Cost her godmother a fair bit.

There's a rabbit sitting in my garden with a fly on its nose. He flips and flaps at it and it flies away and then comes back. Mesmerising. And I have to say I love his floppy ears and curly whiskers.

Hmm. Someone's just popped round with one they found on top of a bus shelter. DD2 tried it on but as she's only 7 weeks it was miles too big. Bit concerned the boy left his number for DD1 when she put the pair on. He seems a good sort though. Didn't just rock up in any old pumpkin. DD1 is now in the playroom dancing away to The Artist Formerly Known As...

Well it's still only the beginning of the month, but all I've got in for meals is half a pound of tupenny rice and half a pound of treacle. Where does the money all go?

GaspO whatever you do with your Dd, DON'T let her play in any room with a mirror in it!

Please help, I think I'm having an existential crisis. I was out rowing the other day, going merrily down the stream when I became convinced life was only a dream. It may well be true as I later passed polar bears on an icy river (oh they made me shiver), a lion by the shore (what a roar he had), and a snake near a lake.

Love this thread.
My problem is that I have a perfectly legal hunting licence for small animals in my local wood. Trouble is, there's this old guy who's always nosing out of the window of his cottage when I come by stalking my prey. All the sodding rabbits have to do is say help me, help me, help me, and he lets them come in and live with him. It must be rank in there. WIBU to report him to environmental health? He and the rabbits claim to be happy, but still.

AIBU? My granddaughter only ever comes to visit me when wants something. My DD sends a basket of goodies with her when she does come over and DGD acts as though she is doing me a huge favour and bullies me into buying things for her. Last week I bough her an expensive bright red cape with hood which I could ill afford on my pension but at least it meant I had some company. I am very lonely and have been ill so can't get out much. Every Wednesday, a nice woodsman drops by for a cup of tea and a chat. He is very protective of me and is very concerned about vicious wolves in the area as I live in the middle of a large dense wood. He is much nicer to me than my family is.

WIBU to change my will to leave everything to the woodsman and go NC with DGD?

I'm no animal expert, but I'm sure porridge isn't a wholesome diet for bears. I'm sure they need some protein.

Oh FFS. My little rabbit, Foo Foo, has been leaving me presents of small mice (they look like they have head injuries tbh) around the place. WWYD? It's been going on for a couple of days now.

I'd call a good fairy to have a word with that rabbit, Rue. I think it needs boundaries and consequences.

the beans that ds got for selling our cow daisy [i threw out into the garden as was furious with ds i have looked out this morning and there is a massive beanstalk growing now my son Jack is insisiting on climbing it aibu to let him?

AIBU or is my friend?

My friends DS (let's call him George) got into trouble at school yesterday. He went into the playground and randomly started kissing the all the girls and they started crying. The other boys saw what was happening and chased him, so he ran away and told the teacher the other boys were chasing him.

My friend thinks the school should deal with these boys for bulling her poor DS but I personally think she should be teaching him it's not appropriate to just run up to girls and kiss them. If it was my DD I would have been grateful these other boys chased her son away. She's now fallen out with me and told our mutual friends that I have it in for her son.

AIBU to tell DH that he must take DSD and DSS into the woods and leave them there? Money is tight and it seems the obvious way to save money. Once they're out of my hair I plan to follow up reports of a gingerbread house in the forest. A natural progression from the Cereal Cafe, I suppose!

AIBU or was this woman really rude?
I was in the cobbler's shop very early this morning when a woman in front of me requested her shoes be mended promptly. When the cobbler said he could do them by 2.30 she got really stroppy and demanded they be ready by 8.30am. And she was on her mobile the entire time.

Aibu or should I LTB?
I spent last night in a&e because my DH jack came home from the pub a bit merry. To prove to me he was sober he quickly and nimbly jumped over a candlestick. Problem was he was naked and there was a lit candle in it! Spent 10 hrs in a&e while they dressed his smouldering penis! Wibu to LTB?

I'm really worried that my daughter's hairstyle is affecting her mood. Since we started to encourage her natural curl - she has one very pretty ringlet in the centre of her brow -her mood swings have been horrific.

WIBU to shave the whole lot off?

AIBU to wonder if my friend Sukey is a bit off?

Every time I put the kettle on to make a cup of tea, she comes along and takes it off again, muttering "they're all gone."

AIBU wondering what these small shiny things are in the sky at night? They look like diamonds but surely nasa would have cleaned them up by now if that were the case? Any ideas?