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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH on stag doo...

150 replies

Dappy28 · 01/08/2015 23:58

DH has gone on a 4 day stag doo abroad. We have DD1 who is 2 and DS2 who is 5 weeks old. I didn't have an issue with him going on the staff doo as the groom is a very close friend (although I wish it wasn't for 4 days).
DH sent me a landing text, then one quick phone call yesterday. (Which was fine, just wanted to check in & make sure he's ok) but I haven't heard from him since which has left me a bit peeved but put it down to being too drunk / caught up in the moment / hasn't been on his phone. I've just gone to send him a whstsapp message and seen he was online 3 hours ago and now I'm fuming - if he's been on his phone on whstsapp why couldn't he send a quick message to me - 'I'm fine, hope you & children are ok' would have sufficed.
Surely I'm not being unreasonable???

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 02/08/2015 00:01

YANBU

I don't understand how anyone wouldn't at least check on their children and wife. The idea of not doing is just so bloody strange to me.

Especially because when I get pissed I start obsessing about how much I love them and need to contact them.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 02/08/2015 00:03

I really wouldn't worry about it.

He may well have been checking something online and then rushing back to the bar.

It wouldn't bother me but my dh isn't much of a one for keeping in touch when away (neither am I really).

scatterthenuns · 02/08/2015 00:06

I know it is different in every relationship, but DH or I would just send the other 'reply plz' or 'text me back' and the other would know to get in touch to save the sender worrying/getting angry.

Can you not do something like that?

sillysausagewithsauce · 02/08/2015 00:08

YANBU.
You have a 5 week old-a tiny baby. Surely completely normal to check on your wife (at home with a toddler and a newborn) in these circumstances. I would find it very odd and hurtful. It isn't as if he is working hard over there. A quick call between bars is hardly too much to expect of a grown man.

Original poster

Dappy28 · 02/08/2015 00:09

graysanalogy I agree with you and think it's strange (aswel as hurtful when we've got a 5 week old baby and I'm still adjusting to going from FT work to FT mum)
On the other hand, I remember my friends DH going abroad on a stag doo and when I asked how he was she said oh I won't hear from him. And the have a child . . The mind boggles

OP posts:

NoYoureGrumpy · 02/08/2015 00:09

I know it's hard when you're at home with tiny ones, but as pp said, he could have just gone online for something else then had to do other stuff. Group holidays are manic aren't they?

I know my mate's FB messenger kept showing she was online and active when she was totally asleep, but her phone was connecting to the internet.

You either have an issue with him going away or you don't. He's probably off his tits somewhere and that's what you'd expect, right?

PurpleSwift · 02/08/2015 00:10

I'd be annoyed if I knew OH had the time to browse his phone but not the decency to say "hey, all good here, how's you and the kids". YANBU

Original poster

Dappy28 · 02/08/2015 00:12

scatterthenuns that's a very good idea which we will be using in future. I did send a quick text this morning but I'm reluctant to send another to see exactly how long he'll leave it before getting in touch.

OP posts:

G1veMeStrength · 02/08/2015 00:13

I'd be pissed off because DH and I keep in touch a lot. We have odd work schedules & two children with a zillion clubs each so it's habit for us to keep the other roughly posted of where we are even during social occasions.

But anyway, even without the above, a parent of a 5 week old should be checking with other parent that they are ok. It's hard work for you. But congratulations on your lovely newborn

Original poster

Dappy28 · 02/08/2015 00:13

I really don't have an issue with going away, I have an issue with him not sending a text that would take 10 seconds. Totally different.

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 02/08/2015 00:15

Group holidays can be manic but taking 1 minute of of all the hours he's been having fun isn't too much to ask. I'd be angry at DP for this. I wouldn't mind him going away enjoying himself, but it doesn't mean he gets to forget his family.

AuntyMag10 · 02/08/2015 00:15

Yanbu, my dh wouldn't do that. He probably wouldn't even leave me alone with a new born either. Anyway your dh should be in touch with you, he should be concerned about how you're managing at least with new baby and toddler!

yummumto3girls · 02/08/2015 00:19

YANBU OP, are think your are amazing to be happy for him to go for 4 days with such a tiny baby, YANBU to upset that hasn't the decency to ring everyday to check are on. Why do stags doos have to be like this, just rediculous!

yummumto3girls · 02/08/2015 00:20

Blooming phone, my last post barely makes sense!!

NoYoureGrumpy · 02/08/2015 00:21

yeah, fair enough, he should check in at some point to see how you all are.

LazyLohan · 02/08/2015 00:49

I wouldn't have been happy about him going in the first place but that's another story.

But I agree with the poster who said if you want to know how he's doing just text and ask.

Caterina99 · 02/08/2015 01:36

Wow I have a 6 week old. And no toddler! I Just can't imagine DH going away for 4 days for a stag do, and I think I'm coping really well.

I'd be pissed off too OP, but just text him. He probably just doesn't realise. Time passes differently when you're on holiday v at home with a baby!

honeyroar · 02/08/2015 05:40

I'm cabin crew and sometimes don't text home because I feel guilty that OH is in the cold doing school runs and mucking horses out while I'm in a 4* hotel sun bathing. I still mess about on here though!

But yes, he ought to have texted you more often if you've a new baby. As long as he is lovely to you when he comes back I'd forgive him but let him know you'd have liked more texts.

NobodyLivesHere · 02/08/2015 05:47

I think yabu. A bit anyway, but I can see why you'd feel a bit hurt. , maybe he got a message from one of the other people on the holiday and just replied to that quickly, I'm sure it wasn't a deliberate snub I would just let him crack on and then make sure he knows he owes you a break when he gets back!
Also it's do. Stag do.sorry that bothers me lol.

eyebags63 · 02/08/2015 06:24

YABU. If you are genuinely happy for him to go then you should be happy for him to go and enjoy it, not expecting him to check in every 5 minutes.

He is almost certainly just busy, may have turned his phone online to check something or whatever. It is only 4 days...

HoggleHoggle · 02/08/2015 06:51

It takes 30 secs to send a text. As for being busy, he's on holiday with friends not performing brain surgery.

A brief check in to make sure his wife and two tiny children are ok is the bare minimum anyone should expect IMO. Fine for him to go on this trip but to do so with barely a backward glance? No.

duckydinosaur · 02/08/2015 07:17

YANBU. It is pretty selfish - but what did you expect from a man who leaves his wife with a toddler and a newborn baby to go and get pissed and watch strippers.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/08/2015 07:25

It is pretty selfish - but what did you expect from a man who leaves his wife with a toddler and a newborn baby to go and get pissed and watch strippers.

Pretty much.

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 07:28

If everything else is good in your relationship etc I honestly wouldn't worry. Although it's frustrating and annoying (yes it only does take a minute to send a text) there could be many valid reasons why. Why would he be doing it to be hurtful? He's probably so caught up with everything that's going on or out doing activities etc which is very common on a stag and thought he would reply later or call when he had more time to devote to a decent instead of rushed message. There could also be many reasons as to why it shows he's been online on What's App, I don't trust this as my friend pulled me up on not responding to an important msg she sent and it had showed 'I'd be online an hour a go' hadn't been on it at all that day as was on a family outing at a theme park!! I don't trust that. Hope he gets in touch soon, but don't he too humpty with him.

StonedGalah · 02/08/2015 07:31

I can honestly say that if my dh fucked off with a 5 week old at home he'd be xdh. I wouldn't even want him gone for one night let alone 4 but l have no support, maybe you've got some?

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