DH on stag doo...

[Dappy28]

DH has gone on a 4 day stag doo abroad. We have DD1 who is 2 and DS2 who is 5 weeks old. I didn't have an issue with him going on the staff doo as the groom is a very close friend (although I wish it wasn't for 4 days).
DH sent me a landing text, then one quick phone call yesterday. (Which was fine, just wanted to check in & make sure he's ok) but I haven't heard from him since which has left me a bit peeved but put it down to being too drunk / caught up in the moment / hasn't been on his phone. I've just gone to send him a whstsapp message and seen he was online 3 hours ago and now I'm fuming - if he's been on his phone on whstsapp why couldn't he send a quick message to me - 'I'm fine, hope you & children are ok' would have sufficed.
Surely I'm not being unreasonable???

I agree that each person needs to know the others expectations, but it just blows my mind that someone doesn't think to check in on their wife and children, moreso with a 5 week old.

Jen1610 - your DH left his phone in a safe for two days?? So if there had been something wrong at home, he made sure you had NO WAY of contacting him? Now that would really piss me off!

I think YABU.

If my DH went away for the weekend and I was at home with the dcs I would text him to let him know if there were any problems and then I would expect him to get in touch as soon as he gets the message. Otherwise he would assume everything is fine. He might text or he might not, I wouldn't really expect him to.

If I was away for the weekend I would expect dh to let me know if there was a problem at home, if I don't hear from him I assume everything is fine. I would normally send a quick text each day anyway.

In your situation I would probably send a quick text to say everything's fine at home hope you are enjoying your weekend.

wow - I'm amazed that so many women would want regular contact from their husband/partner while he's away for a few days

I'm amazed they don't. And by regular contact I mean one, two at the most phone calls a day.

Don't people miss their partners when they go away and look forward to hearing their voice? Perhaps I am odd, but I love the fact that after 10 years we still want to talk to each other if we are apart for longer than a day. I haven't been away much at all, but the last time I did I called him in the morning and before bed just because I missed him. And yes, I am capable of managing without him ;) I wouldn't think about calling him if i'm at work or have gone out for the evening or anything, but if I am not going home to him I would miss him enough to want to speak to him.

Jen1610 - in your situation I would be annoyed. Although I wouldn't expect to hear from dh, I would expect him to be contactable in case of an emergency at home.

White phantom yeah they all did so they wouldn't get nicked or lost. They were in Ibiza (hate the place because of all the story's you read so that was why I was freaking out) and the fact had anything serious gone wrong I couldn't contact him as none of us knew the hotel the boys were in! As it happened my eldest daughter didn't come in when she was suppose to. I called her friends mum and she too wasn't home so she went out looking for them and couldnt find them anywhere. I had my two little ones in bed and couldnt go out so called my dad panicking and at that she walked in the door. So would of liked to of been able to speak to him in that hour when I was freaking out.

Although op just to reiterate what others have said. My sister messaged me last week as she was awake with her 6 month old ill at 3am saying what are you doing awake at this time. I wasn't and got it in the morning but it had showed I was online then.

Oh muff, I wasn't part of the "cool wife discussion"?

Devasted.

You are too cool for the cool wife title Red ????

Don't people miss their partners when they go away and look forward to hearing their voice? Perhaps I am odd, but I love the fact that after 10 years we still want to talk to each other if we are apart for longer than a day. I haven't been away much at all, but the last time I did I called him in the morning and before bed just because I missed him. And yes, I am capable of managing without him ;) I wouldn't think about calling him if i'm at work or have gone out for the evening or anything, but if I am not going home to him I would miss him enough to want to speak to him.

Same here U2. It's not because either of us are "controlling", but because we like each other as well as love each other, we're interested in each other's day and we enjoy speaking to each other. We might not speak every day we're apart but there'd be a 'good morning' and a 'good night' text at the least.

In the same way as there's a middle ground between being chained to the home and going on the lash for days at a time, so there's a middle ground between hourly texts and a quick daily check-in.

I don't think most of MN does middle ground

You either don't speak to your husband when you are away at all or you are a control freak who can't manage on your own and constantly message your husband.

What I meant to say was: a middle ground between hourly texts and no contact at all, such as a quick daily check-in.

Oh you were certainly part of the discussion redtowel. I'm afraid I shall have to ask that you manage your own feelings of sadness on the matter without bothering me with them, though.

Agreed re middle ground U2 and 404. We've seen a good deal of that on this thread.

Jen1610's post has just made me realise why DH and I are probably not bothered about daily texts/calls. We have both only been using mobiles for the last 8 years or so. So in the first 9 years we were together we didn't contact each other while we were away because pay phones were a pita. I suppose we just became used to not being in touch from then.

I do miss DH when he is away and he misses me. If he goes away for work we phone morning and evening. On a jolly is different though and as long as I know he is there I prefer to wait until he phones to say he is on the way home.
As we are currently experiencing with teenage DD it is worse IMO to be waiting for a call or unable to get in touch with someone than it is not to speak to them. So I prefer our no news is good news approach.

I'm another that is surprised at couples not wanting to speak every day when they are apart. My DH has been working away a great deal over the past year and we text/email/whatsapp several times a day and skype daily.

I wouldn't expect a call every day but a text takes what...15 seconds. With a new born, he could have been a bit more communicative!

Sometimes it's miscommunication that causes this though. Some blokes are just utterly useless unless spoon fed. Did you mention that a text every day letting you know how he is would be nice?

If I were the bloke I'd want regular pictures send of the kids while away, except that ...he's abroad.

Whatsapp requires a data connection.

Quite of lot of people don't turn on data abroad. It might just be that

I don't think there's a right or wrong here, everyone's relationship is different, some like regular contact and some don't need it or want it. Nobody is weird or wrong.

And he has been in contact, you said he called, so it's not like he hasn't checked in at all.

Why such vitriol muffmuff? Husband been out of contact?

Evening all. Peace and love and that, eh?

Absolutely Helen. Peace out not sure what I've done to offend muff quite so much. Off to bed now.

Let's can the burning martyr act when we've been delighted to dish it out, eh?