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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH on stag doo...

150 replies

Dappy28 · 01/08/2015 23:58

DH has gone on a 4 day stag doo abroad. We have DD1 who is 2 and DS2 who is 5 weeks old. I didn't have an issue with him going on the staff doo as the groom is a very close friend (although I wish it wasn't for 4 days).
DH sent me a landing text, then one quick phone call yesterday. (Which was fine, just wanted to check in & make sure he's ok) but I haven't heard from him since which has left me a bit peeved but put it down to being too drunk / caught up in the moment / hasn't been on his phone. I've just gone to send him a whstsapp message and seen he was online 3 hours ago and now I'm fuming - if he's been on his phone on whstsapp why couldn't he send a quick message to me - 'I'm fine, hope you & children are ok' would have sufficed.
Surely I'm not being unreasonable???

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 02/08/2015 09:01

YANBU OP.

Flamingo are you kidding? She sounds controlling for wanting a casual text just to check in? Seriously? If she was controlling he wouldn't be away on a four days piss up when he has new baby and a toddler at home...

On a side note do people realise that stag and hens use to be just for one night not nearly a week. Don't understand it myself!

LazyLouLou · 02/08/2015 09:02

I am so very glad I am not part of this wonderful instant communication generation. It sounds bloody exhausting.

The levels of paranoia and anxiety induced by a lack of something are sheer madness.

OP, relax. He isn't ignoring you. He is on a stag do. He is not thinking of you every single second, worrying that you might be feeling ignored and smiling. He is just not thinking of you and texting. He is, as others have said, doing whatever it is they are doing and probably being, mainly, pissed.

And, no matter what you say, you really do have a problem with him going. Your problem is that you worry about what he could possibly be doing and get angry because what he is not doing is cherishing you and your DCs every moment.

Put more simply, you might have surprised yourself, but you really do object to being sidelined for his mates. That's normal. As are his actions. You will both need to agree to something different, next time one of you goes away.

araiba · 02/08/2015 09:05

he has been in contact

if you want him to send you a message every day, hour, minute, tell him before he goes

PiperChapstick · 02/08/2015 09:07

I wouldn't worry, he's probably just having fun and doesn't mean to be thoughtless or hurtful. It might be that there's a "no texting wives" mentality at these things and that he's not "allowed" to reply - not that it makes it ok but this can be typical of stag dos and people just go along with it to have an easy life.

Awaits the LTB rants

EmeraldKitten · 02/08/2015 09:08

I'm amused by the number of replies demonising the Dh for going and the 'he'd be x dh' gubbins.

Dh went on a 4 day stag do when ds1 was 7 weeks old. It has been booked and paid for before we even knew I was pregnant. I would have hated for him to not go, it was booked and paid for and would have been a huge waste.

Are some of this opinion generally or is it just the age of the baby? I'm going to Barcelona next month on a three day hen do...should I expect my bags on the lawn when I return? Hmm

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 09:09

araiba where has she said that?

PiperChapstick · 02/08/2015 09:10

Emerald didn't you know when you have kids you forego the right to have fun and be part of a good friends celebrations?

Tenieht · 02/08/2015 09:11

I think I would expect one call per day , not constant checking in, it ruins the atmosphere of something like hen or stags dos if everyone is constantly texting needy partners.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 02/08/2015 09:13

I'm amused by all the people saying it's fine for DH to leave OP with a toddler and newborn because their DH went away when they just had the one child to look after. As though that's somehow comparable.

Redtowel · 02/08/2015 09:13

Like emerald, I'm a bit surprised at the lambasting the OP's husband has taken.

He has been in touch, he hasn't totally disappeared off the grid.

Marriage and relationships are give and take, if this was me I would be sucking it up and thinking longingly of the next break that I could have, when DH would take over.

But of course, once you have a baby your life is over and you have to be chained to the house and sacrifice all social life and friendships, I forgot.

araiba · 02/08/2015 09:16

shes upset she hasn't heard from him for a day. she got a call yesterday.

if this bothers her then she should have told him to call every day.

TheMushroom · 02/08/2015 09:17

He's the father of this 5 week old baby too, no?

All the cool wives on this thread; would you be able to leave your 5 week old child to go away for a long weekend and at least not be on the phone every day wanting to know they're okay?

araiba · 02/08/2015 09:20

TheMushroom - yes. i would trust my partner to look after my child and if there was a problem to let me know

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 02/08/2015 09:23

Your surprise is probably because you're unaware there's a middle ground between being chained to the kitchen sink forever and passing up on a four day trip when there's a newborn and a toddler in the house redtowel. I sympathise. It must be very difficult to comprehend this new, radical information.

Thing is though, much as we all enjoy a good Cool Wife discussion, this isn't actually about whether DH should've gone or not. I understand a lot of posters have strong feelings either way, but OP doesn't mention having any issue with it. The issue is whether having gone, he should've checked in to see whether they're all ok.

araiba · 02/08/2015 09:25

"The issue is whether having gone, he should've checked in to see whether they're all ok."

which he has. twice

FunnyNameHere · 02/08/2015 09:27

I agree with every word of LazyLpuLou's brilliant post.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 02/08/2015 09:27

Good lord why are people having a go at the guy for going on a stag do with a 5 week old baby?

And who said anything about Strippers?

My cousin went white water rafting and cycling through France.

Assuming this was arranged in plenty of time to discuss, and the op gave her blessing for him to go. If it was a business trip no one would blink an eyelid. She hasn't mentioned anywhere that get DH wouldn't do the same for her. Should all life as we know it stop then?

Op, is he one of those instructional guys - call me when you land? Meaning just that. If he's abroad data roaming will cost a fortune, and you need that with Whatsapp if you can't access WiFi easily.

Many a time I pop over the border here to buy something, try to Whatsapp my partner a query and end up with the greyed out send button and wheel of torturous "connecting". However that would've been the last time I'd checked my phone.

I agree with a previous post - just message him that you want a response.

Gray I'm the same as you, happy squishy love everyone and need to tell them drunk. GrinGrinGrin

Not always appreciated at 3am though. Blush

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 02/08/2015 09:30

Checked in more recently than Friday then araiba, if you prefer.

EmeraldKitten · 02/08/2015 09:30

Oh fuck off with the 'cool wife' bollocks.

Mushroom - tbf I wouldn't go on any hen do type trips for a good while after giving birth for my own selfish reasons getting my figure back first.

But yes, if they are with dh I've always been 100% happy to leave them, from when they were a tiny baby.

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 09:33

But would you ignore a message from DH, whilst messaging someone else? OP wasn't annoyed until she saw he had been online but still hadn't bothered to respond

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 02/08/2015 09:34

Stag do. Not dooooooo

Pilgrimforever · 02/08/2015 09:36

DH went away for work when we had 4 week old, 14 month old, 2 yr old, 3 yr old and an 8 yr old. I spoke to him twice in the entire week and we text each other 3 times. It's the same now when he goes away for work as well.
I didn't realise we had to be in touch with each other every day.

EmeraldKitten · 02/08/2015 09:36

Muffmuff - I think it is comparable.

I've been there with a toddler and newborn. For me, and lots I know with the same age gap the first few weeks of learning to 'juggle' are no worse than the first few weeks of being a new parent and all the uncertainty and PFB paranoia that comes with it.

The hard part was having a one and a three year old who like to run in different directions. Do I win the thread?

araiba · 02/08/2015 09:37

maybe he went on whatsapp to see if he had any messages from his wife. he didn't have any so presumed everything was ok

WallyBantersJunkBox · 02/08/2015 09:39

That's what I was thinking Araiba

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