Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DH on stag doo...

150 replies

Dappy28 · 01/08/2015 23:58

DH has gone on a 4 day stag doo abroad. We have DD1 who is 2 and DS2 who is 5 weeks old. I didn't have an issue with him going on the staff doo as the groom is a very close friend (although I wish it wasn't for 4 days).
DH sent me a landing text, then one quick phone call yesterday. (Which was fine, just wanted to check in & make sure he's ok) but I haven't heard from him since which has left me a bit peeved but put it down to being too drunk / caught up in the moment / hasn't been on his phone. I've just gone to send him a whstsapp message and seen he was online 3 hours ago and now I'm fuming - if he's been on his phone on whstsapp why couldn't he send a quick message to me - 'I'm fine, hope you & children are ok' would have sufficed.
Surely I'm not being unreasonable???

OP posts:
Littleen · 02/08/2015 07:36

My OH is the same, he's impossible to get hold of when he's somewhere else. You have my sympathy, but the best solution is just to let it slide. It's nothing to do with your relationship (most likely), just a personality trait. You shouldn't trust that whatsapp shows he's been online, apps can get it wrong like that :) Hope he gets in touch soon x

nottheOP · 02/08/2015 07:36

My dh is the same but yanbu, I feel the same. Only a few stag doos left!

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 07:41

I disagree with other posters comments. Best mates and friends don't book their weddings and stag dos around other peoples babies!
Of course he's going to want to go if it's a close friend etc. Why shouldn't he go and have fun and enjoy himself if he has the chance. Dad's work hard and if it's a decent bloke providing for his family and good in all there departments treating partner and children well etc then why not. Does it happen all the time?? Prob not.
My hubby never hardly ever goes out and has a stag do when I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I have a 2 year old and he will be away for 3 days. I've told him to have the best time ever why he has the opportunity as he doesn't go out much and it's for one of his best friends who is the groom. When he has been on the odd boys night out (once it twice a year) I have sent a txt and he hadn't text back for a good few hours and when I asked why before it's because he thought he would just reply later as was in the middle of either having a dance or mans convo etc. Absolutely nothing in it.
Is your partner is genuinely a good guy.. Posters should give poor man a break.

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 07:43

Oh and please don't trust the What's App saying been online! Have caught that out a number of times to be wrong!!

araiba · 02/08/2015 07:46

i cant see where it sayshow many times you have called or messaged him?

he has sent messages and called you

londonrach · 02/08/2015 07:48

Have you thought that where he is might not have reception. I normally have text from mpy mum every day whilst she on holiday. She went two days without a text which was worrying. Simple no reception answer when she found reception. Yanbu re contact though.

chrome100 · 02/08/2015 07:49

I think YAB a bit U. He's away having fun. I never really hear from DP when he's away and vice versa. If he's a good husband and dad when he's here that's the main thing.

fourtothedozen · 02/08/2015 08:05

Stag do and you have a 5 week old baby?

He sounds a catch.

BeautifulBatman · 02/08/2015 08:11

I'm a bit of a weird one as I don't desperately miss dh when he's away but maybe he's thinking that you'll get in touch if you need anything. Unless he's actively ignoring any messages you sent him, I think YABU, just a little.

PastaPot · 02/08/2015 08:29

Like a previous poster mentioned, when I'm away from home I would probably wait for my OH to text me. Otherwise I might wake him up if he and our son are napping, or I worry it looks like I'm showing off!

I wouldn't expect my OH to text me if he's away, he's busy having fun with his friends and I'd contact him if there was an emergency.

flamingoland · 02/08/2015 08:32

Sorry but I think YABU. He is having a good time- you sound controlling. In his eyes, he has his phone, if there was an emergency you would ring him. How will sending a text help you anyway? I don't understand this neediness with partners at all- what would you do if you were a single mother?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/08/2015 08:36

I think YABU.

ThatIsNachoCheese · 02/08/2015 08:40

Yanbu. You have a newborn therefore nothing you do is unreasonable... I would be pissed off too.

rallytog1 · 02/08/2015 08:41

Yanbu at all. It's not about being needy. Any man with a wife and two small children who goes away for 4 days should have the common decency to at least check they're ok from time to time.

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 08:41

Controlling flamingo? For being annoyed that her DH who is on a stag do she has no problem with him being on has been on whatsapp to speak to someone else but not her, at home with a toddler and 5 week old?

It's people like you who trivialise actual controlling behaviour, like the thread the other day. Don't be so ridiculous.

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 08:42

If OP text him last she would know if he had seen her whatsapp, it blue double ticks when it has been visibly read now. No mistaking that.

fourtothedozen · 02/08/2015 08:46

A four day stag do? I would not be interested in a man who thinks that is a good idea.

diddl · 02/08/2015 08:47

I wouldn't expect my husband to check that we were all OK, as I'd obviously be in contact if there was a problem.

I'd expect him to want to be in contact though, iyswim!

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 08:49

I've just read the rest of your message flamingo. More stupidity.

What would OP do if she was a single mother? Well, might as well let her DH never change a nappy, never look after the children in any way then, because, what would she do if she were a single mother?

SinglePringle · 02/08/2015 08:51

The ticks don't mean a whatsapp message has been read. One tick means 'sent' and two means 'delivered'. There's no way of knowing if a message had been read in the app.

As you were. Sorry for hijack.

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 08:55

There is now. It grey double ticks to say it has been delivered, and blue double ticks when it has been read. If you click the individual message and press info it tells you the time it was delivered, and the time it was read

isittheweekendyet · 02/08/2015 08:58

Nothing like a good stage do thread to bring out the reasonable responses on mn! Seriously, some of you are referring to your dh being exdh if he'd gone?? Confused Like a more reasonable poster pointed out already, babies don't fit in around other people's plans. Presumably the wedding and stag/hen nights were planned ages ago, maybe even before the op got pregnant. Grown adults work round these things, the ip isn't being some kind of Wonder Woman 'letting' her dh go, she's just working with a situation that has no doubt been in the diary for months and months.

Anyway. Whats'app can be a bit unreliable with it's last seen stuff, so maybe take that with a pinch of salt. I do think however that it would be fair and reasonable to expect that your dh would make a bit more of an effort to be in touch and just check in that all is well at home. I'd go along with a previous poster and send a message just asking him to reply to let you know he's ok.

WoonerismSpit · 02/08/2015 08:58

Just so you can see what I mean....

(Sorry for continuing the hijack!)

DH on stag doo...
HoldenCaulfield80 · 02/08/2015 08:58

I thought when the two ticks went blue that meant the message had been read? YANBU OP, it's tough having a 5 week old and is be gutted if my OH went away for a stag do and didn't get in touch.

quietbatperson · 02/08/2015 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.