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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL, DH and school reports.

136 replies

butterfliesandbee · 28/06/2015 19:43

Mil and Fil came to our house today. DCs had both received their school reports on friday so i offer Mil and Fil if they want to see them. DS had am excellent report and DDs behaviour etc is excellent but actual work is below average. This is nothing new to any of us and we are worki g hard to help her.
Mil insisted that Dd was fine, ahe is doing well etc. Basically she doesnt like to think admit that she is struggling with work. I said that actually she isnd doing well and there is no point in pretending that she is. DH said nothing during this discussion.
Now they have left he has said I threw the fact DD isnt doing well in his mums face and that there is no point in argueing with her as she wont believe that Dd isnt perfect.
Apparently i shouldnt have let them read the reports although he never said anything at the time.
Did i do wrong?

OP posts:
CherylBerylMeryl · 28/06/2015 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitchPeas · 28/06/2015 19:45

Yabu. Your poor DD. How old is she? Was this in front of her?

AuntyMag10 · 28/06/2015 19:46

Yabu, all they needed to do was read the report. Not sure why you felt the need to go on about it. Are they going to actively participate in helping your dd get better?

GinUpGirl · 28/06/2015 19:47

I'd avoid showing the reports in the future if they cause so much aggravation.

Work out what you have to do for DD and get on with it. But don't heap pressure on the poor girl if she isn't capable. Celebrate effort, not grades.

whois · 28/06/2015 19:47

Who on earth did you give their reports to the GPs to read?

And why be so insistent your DD is struggling?

Strange.

Gemauve · 28/06/2015 19:48

so i offer Mil and Fil if they want to see them

Why?

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 28/06/2015 19:48

Listen to your OH he has spent a lot longer learning how to handle his parent than you.

And grandparents job is to think the sun shines out of their ....

Crikeyblimey · 28/06/2015 19:49

Poor kid! Maybe she's doing the best she can.

manicinsomniac · 28/06/2015 19:49

Aaawww, the whole point of grandparents is to think you're perfect, spoil you and leave the actual parenting to the parents.

I've always felt bad about my DDs only having 1 grandparent. They have some incredibly amazing great grandparents though who will not hear a word against them (or me, their granddaughter). This is as it should be, imo.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 28/06/2015 19:50

I'm baffled why you needed to make such a fanfare of the fact your dd is struggling?

MakeItRain · 28/06/2015 19:51

If your dd's behaviour is good and she is doing her best then I would agree with your MIL that she is doing "well". It's a strange thing to argue about.

viva100 · 28/06/2015 19:55

YABU. And mean. Poor DD

pigsDOfly · 28/06/2015 19:56

I'm not really sure I understand what point you were trying to make with your MIL OP.

MIL thinks DD is perfect and that's lovely but you seem to want her to join you in picking the report apart and putting DD down.

If you all know DD isn't doing well with her work you didn't really need to point it out to MIL and make such a point of it.

I hope you poor DD wasn't in the room when you were banging on to everyone about how useless you think she is.

Yes you did do something wrong.

3littlefrogs · 28/06/2015 19:58

I agree. Poor DD. I hope she wasn't in earshot.

Original poster
butterfliesandbee · 28/06/2015 19:58

I did not make a fanfare out of the fact dd is struggling but equally i dont see the point in lying about it. Perphas hoping that we could all work together to help her.
I dont feel that just telling someone how well they have done, even if they havent is very productive. Obviously i do put this across to dd in a age appropriate way. But maybe MIL method of only seeing g the good and refusing to acknowledge the bad is right and i am wrong.
Dd know she has done very well in some areas i.e dance, behaviour etc but also she knows some areas need help and thats what i am trtig to do.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 28/06/2015 19:58

Over use of the word point there.

AuntyMag10 · 28/06/2015 20:00

Why would the gps be 'working together' sorting this out Confused

NinkyNonkers · 28/06/2015 20:02

Your mil disagrees with your approach, sounds like your DH does too. I have to say I think I do too, trying to rope Granny into coming down on your daughter seems very harsh. She doesn't have to agree with you on this and you can't make her. So in future either don't show her the reports or accept her valid opinion.

Were both your children there? What a hideous experience for them both.

Original poster
butterfliesandbee · 28/06/2015 20:03

Where did i say that i was banging on about how useless my dd is?

Is admitting that your child isnt above average now calling them useless??

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 28/06/2015 20:03

Yes but what do you expect your il to do about it. How do you think they are going to help practically?

Original poster
butterfliesandbee · 28/06/2015 20:04

My dd was not there, i didnt sat she was although she is quite capeable of reading her own report. Should i not be letting her see that she is brilliant at some things and not at others.

OP posts:
redshoeblueshoe · 28/06/2015 20:04

Maybe dd could help you with your spelling

Chillyegg · 28/06/2015 20:04

I feel sorry for your DD Hmm
Yabu

Mistigri · 28/06/2015 20:06

I really, really hope your DD wasn't listening!

I wouldn't show reports to GPS and especially not if it is likely to cause aggravation.

Original poster
butterfliesandbee · 28/06/2015 20:07

ILS will be spending a lot of time with them over the summer, dd will have work books set through school to complete over the summer so i was hoping that they could see she needs to try and keep doing a bit of work through the holidays and help her with it. Rather than it being me being the only one to do it with her. DH will say he will do it for about a week he will then ot gets forgotten about.

OP posts: