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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tattoo and OH - AIBU?

133 replies

ultrathule · 24/06/2015 14:07

My OH doesn't like tattoos. I don't have any, but I have always wanted one, and in general I quite like them. I recently achieved something, a sporting success that I've worked very hard for and am really proud of. I'd love to get a small, not visible except in underwear, tattoo to commemorate it (sort of like the Olympic ring tattoos that Olympians get). I just like the idea of having a reminder of something that I'm proud of and worked so hard for.
But he'd hate it. He really would. He just doesn't get the point of them, even the Olympic rings he thinks are tacky and off-putting.
So - AIBU to get it done anyway? I think if it were the other way round, I'd be happy for him to have something that he really wanted, even if I didn't particularly like it. But equally, I don't want to upset him or have him feel that I've done something that is a real deal-breaker.

OP posts:
RepeatAdNauseum · 24/06/2015 14:15

Hmm. It's your body, so it's your decision. He doesn't really get a say.

But, when I was 17, I had my stomach pierced. I'd wanted it done for ages and finally got it to commemorate my great exam results. I got a collection of bars that I loved. DP hated it. He didn't offer an opinion until I asked but once I knew how much he disliked it, it kindof ruined it a bit for me. I started taking it out while he was around and eventually just took it out completely.

So for me, I wouldn't get the tattoo because knowing OH didn't like it would ruin it a bit for me. If it won't bother you, and you want it, go for it.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 24/06/2015 14:19

Well it's your body so your choice. It's not like you are planning on having it across your forehead. The question is is his response going to spoil your enjoyment of it and take away from it's purpose of commemorating your achievement?

samG76 · 24/06/2015 14:21

I'm with your OH on the "tacky" side. I've never seen someone and thought "they'd look great with a tattoo". Every day I see shocking ones, including in the changing rooms and pool, and think "Noooooooo!"

Original poster
ultrathule · 24/06/2015 14:22

Good point! I suppose I was sort of hoping that my fabulous tattoo would be so blindingly amazing that he would instantly change his mind and tell me how amazing it is! But that is beyond unlikely. He'd probably just grunt and then tell me not to moan as it heals....

OP posts:
DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 24/06/2015 14:24

my ex hated tattoos, and made nasty comments/snide looks and tried to 'wash them away' if we ever bathed together.

i still have my tattoos and he's an ex

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2015 14:24

It's a very permanent thing, OP. Could you not commission yourself a nice ring or charm for a bracelet or something that you can look at and remind yourself of your achievement.

What other posters have said about the shine being taken off for you because of your husband's dislike of tattoos in general, is something that's already niggling you. When you're in a relationship you don't knowingly do things that make the other person upset or put off you. A tattoo is permanent.

Yes it's your body, blah blah blah... but put bluntly, you want him to still be interested in it/you, no?

Congrats on your achievement.

pinkyredrose · 24/06/2015 14:24

It's your body! Why on earth would you let his opinions dictate what you do with it! Get the tattoo if it's what you want.

WiIdfire · 24/06/2015 14:26

The only reason I don't have a tattoo is because of how much my husband, friends and family dislike them. I could do it anyway (and have several planned in my head!) but it would spoil it a bit to not have any of them genuinely like it. I would always know they would think it looks tacky.

So for now I live vicariously through others and watch LA Ink etc :-)

SaucyJack · 24/06/2015 14:26

YANBU generally speaking. At all.

But I'd hold out on this particular design. See if you still want a permanent tribute of it on your body even six months down the line. Just a thought.

pinkyredrose · 24/06/2015 14:28

Does he check with you before he cuts his hair or wears a certain outfit? No? Well tell him to deal with you wanting a tattoo.

Aghast that some posters think a partner has the right to dictate what they do to their own bodies.

cuntyMcCunterson · 24/06/2015 14:30

I have tattoos (5) and piercings (5) and will be getting another 2 tattoos in the near future. My DH hates both tattoos and piercings but as I said to him, I'm not asking his permission and I'm not asking him to have one done.
All mine are hidden, people are very surprised if they find out I have them, and I have them for me not anyone else.
If it's something you really want and you know the design you want I say go for it.

someonestolemynick · 24/06/2015 14:31

I'm in the reverse situation.

I detest tattoos and DP has mentioned wanting to get one. Envy

cuntycowfacemonkey · 24/06/2015 14:32

I don't think he has the right to dictate either pinky but only the OP knows if she is strong minded enough not to care about his reaction and let it spoil the reason behind her tatoo. As long as you don't mind when he says "nope sorry I think it looks shit" then go for it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2015 14:32

pinky... Do you not see a difference in non-permanent haircuts and outfits? Both of which are pretty fleeting? Nobody has told the OP not to, she'll do as she pleases as is her right.

Save your aghast-ness for proper parallels perhaps? Confused

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 24/06/2015 14:32

It's your body, but he's your DH too. I wouldn't do anything permanent that would upset my DH, and he wouldn't do anythig to deliberately upset me. Cutting hair and buying outfits isn't permanantly changing anything pinky. Not the same thing at all.

OP - how about drawing what you'd like as a tattoo onto the spot where you plan to have it, and let him think it's a tattoo, to guage his reaction?

Wittynewnameifonly · 24/06/2015 14:33

I hate tattoos, DH feels the same.

However, if he really loved them and wanted one he could obviously go ahead and get it. That said, i am fairly sure I would always think 'eugh' in my head every time I saw it. I can't imagine I would ever think it looked nice as I really don't like them. Whilst it is his body, it would definitely make it less attractive to me and be a turn off.

gobbin · 24/06/2015 14:35

In relationships there will always be one or two (insignificant to any other couple) issues that could be a dealbreaker. In ours, I would love to have kept chickens but they were an ABSOLUTE dealbreaker for DH - wierd, but there you go. I would've liked hens, but didn't need them. I valued DH more than the hens!

Collaborate · 24/06/2015 14:38

I wouldn't do it. Behind the underwear suggests somewhere intimate. Would it really make no difference to the physical side of your relationship that you have what he thinks is an ugly blemish on you? I wouldn't be so sure.

Original poster
ultrathule · 24/06/2015 14:39

Good points everyone - thank you! I know I could deal with him not really admiring it. I suppose I'd like him to respect my decision, but we aren't the type of couple to do things that knowingly upset the other. That is the only thing that is stopping me. I nearly got one before we met, had the pattern worked out and everything, but was quite poor and couldn't justify the cost back then. I am as sure as I can be that if I had it done now I'd be very happy with it and would love it. I have a few piercings and he's fine with them.

A quiet voice at the back of my head says "if you every split up, that is the first thing to do". But I hope very strongly that we will never split up!

OP posts:
viva100 · 24/06/2015 14:44

I think tattoos are tacky, I've never seen a good one and would be pretty disappointed if DH got one. I wouldn't forbid him but I would be disappointed. It sounds like your DP feels the same. He's entitled to his opinion.

specialsubject · 24/06/2015 14:45

I've never seen a tattoo that looks anything other than a gravel rash, a scribble or a primary school painting. I think they range between ugly and laughable. I can remember my achievements without writing them on me.

But would I object if my partner had a small tattoo in the area you are describing? No. His call. Might be funny and tacky, but not off-putting. Doesn't seem a deal breaker AS LONG as it isn't the start of a lot more.

the comments about hair and outfits aren't relevant though - those are temporary.

viva100 · 24/06/2015 14:46

It's a bit weird that you're thinking of things you would do if you split up though.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 24/06/2015 14:51

I too think tattoos are tacky - in fact, way more than tacky. They might look sexy on a 20 year old (male or female) for a year or so (in someone else's eyes, not mine), but when you're 50 or 60?

Piercings also - they just gross me out.

weeburrower1 · 24/06/2015 14:51

I would tend to say your body your decision. It's all one you taking his views into account, but they should never, ever override your own.

SurlyCue · 24/06/2015 14:53

I love tattoos so cant really be objective on that point. I'm trying to think if there is anything a partner could do to their body that i would have a real problem with. Those face holes spring to mind. Not the piercings, but the actual stretched holes. I think i'd struggle with that tbh. However i dont think a hidden by clothing tattoo is comparable to a facial disfigurement.